It seems to me like you really want to get back in shape but you're afraid of trying and failing. Fuck that ! Just do it and enjoy it, there's no reason to be afraid. It's just a mental barrier you've created but has no reason to be. Once you begin the process of getting back in shape, don't worry too much about the numbers on the scale, simply eat clean and train, looking forward to each workout, and then you'll see results.
If you could find a friend that is motivated to workout you could both train together and motivate eachother to not skip sessions. I personnally train with a friend and it helps me because sometimes I'm a bit tired or not in the mood to workout by myself but I'll go to the gym anyway as to not let my friend down.
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