Open letter to a celebrity...

**Milo** · February 13th, 2006, 12:30 PM

Have you ever wanted to tell a famous person what you think of them? I get so sick of kiss-ass interviewers/talk show hosts who only ask questions that are PC or noncontroversial. There are so many people in the public eye that need a reality check. Well, here's your chance! I'll start with one an easy one: Paris Hilton.

<Dear Paris,

I would like you to know that there are people who don't understand why you are famous. Just because your father is wealthy and influential doesn't mean you are or should be. You are merely an accident of birth. You did not earn the money you spend and do not contribute anything to society. Everything you do is a joke and no one respects you. You are, at best, a stupid sound bite and a joke around workplace watercoolers. How you get by on your average looks and low IQ is beyond me. The only solace I get from your existence is that you are doomed to a future of tabloid Hell.

Perhaps you can aspire to be a trophy wife. But seeing as how you are a part-time prostitute and full-time whore, that may be setting your sights too high.

The only advice I can offer you is, fade away. Just disappear from the public eye. You need to grow-up, mature and be a woman, instead of an ignorant slut who runs around like a retarded crack-whore.

Take care,

Milo>

Wow! That was cathartic! Does anyone else have any candidates they would like to open up to?

**Gman1524** · February 13th, 2006, 03:21 PM

Yes.

*Ahem. Ahem.* (Gman clears throat)

Dear Britney Spears,

Go away.

Thank you.

**mavgrad99** · February 13th, 2006, 03:36 PM

Good thread Milo:

Dear Kelly Clarkson,

Although you have proven yourself a winner on the smallest stage possible (american idol), you have not proven anything with your music, it is a combination of screaming and more screaming and you should not have won the grammy awards that you did. you are a product of the Mc-music cookie cutter society we live in today. You will be gone faster than the dixie chix when pre-pubecent boys stop buying your music. Thank you and good night! (my wife loves your music, she is also a broncos fan and therefore misled)

--- Mav

**HotOne** · February 13th, 2006, 04:03 PM

Dear Salma Hayek,

Have nudes?

Sincerely, HotOne

Johnny75 · February 15th, 2006, 06:42 AM

I wouldn't even waste my time with Paris Hilton.

Am I one of the few that doesn't consider her a celebrity? She's got money, she ain't no celeb.

**mavgrad99** · February 15th, 2006, 06:49 AM

Dear Vice President Cheney,

You shot the wrong bird... next time aim for the Quayle!!!! And try using a bigger gun too.

Yours truly,

Mav

**Dr. John** · February 15th, 2006, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HotOne

Dear Salma Hayek,

Have nudes?

Sincerely, HotOne

Dear Jessica Alba, when are you going to make millions of guys blissfully happy and do some nude pictures/video?

Sincerely, Dr. John (my examination room is at your service 24/7!)

**engr** · February 15th, 2006, 09:58 AM

Dear Olympic Announcers,
Shut the fock up. We don't want to hear smarmy holier than thou comments from the guys sitting in the broadcast booth...

And I sincerely hope you DON'T have nudes

Thanks,
Engr

bluebird · February 15th, 2006, 10:11 AM

Dear Johnny Depp, Steve Buscemi, Benecio del Toro, Jim Jarmusch, and Vincent Gallo,

Can we all move to Utah and live in wedded bliss? Thank you.

Sincerely,
Bluebird

**lukebeulah** · March 3rd, 2006, 03:19 PM

Dear Jerry Springer,

I would like to know when you are going to give up on your futile attempt to keep making shows that people do not find interesting. I like how you dig up the most white trash, unbelievable stuff like my heart is broken into 999,999 pieces? And- I don't know who the father of my child is because I slept with 60 men that month! Please move your show to HBO latenight and only have hot strippers from now on.

Either that or quit,
Lukebeulah

PS- Steve sucks!

**beukies** · March 3rd, 2006, 03:56 PM

Dear EF Members,

What the F^%k ? Do you have nothing to do? Why don't you post nice threads and even nicer replies?

Do you think for one minute those idiots will take notice of what you say? Even though you are sooooo...... right?

Anyway: ("nice reply" about celebs ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!)

And who said she was pretty?

**lukebeulah** · March 3rd, 2006, 03:59 PM

Dear Beukies,

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Please report back to the POB as soon as possible and get back to work. Thank you for your consideration.

Concerned Citizen

**D-boi** · March 3rd, 2006, 06:27 PM

Dear Whitney Houston

Please drop the coke, and put down the Mic

P.S.

CRACK IS WHACK

Yours truely, D-boi

**emreka** · March 3rd, 2006, 06:36 PM

DeAR lIMPKING pARK and Kporn and linkin bizkits members,

Please stop sucking teenager blood. Thank you.

Best Regards,
Emre Karamanlis

**Harleyfan** · March 3rd, 2006, 10:18 PM

Dear Michael Jackson; Good job at parenting. You make your kids wear
masks and you dangle them from balconies. I'm sure they will grow up
completely sane just like you. You must have learned these skills from
your Dad. Apparently his grip when he was "dangling" you wasn't as
good and I want to know how many many times he dropped you on
your head.

thanks harley

**iba2dat** · March 29th, 2006, 12:48 PM

Dear Cardboardbox,

Thank you for making the "pictures of members" forum a "must see".

**Hunter99004** · March 29th, 2006, 09:42 PM

Dear Hilary Clinton,

I regret to inform you that your Sex Change Operation was a complete and absolute failure, Even the Insurance company will not reimburse you...Please go and have your husband pay to go back to what you were before...whatever that was. You do deserve some credit though your daughter Chelsea is proof that Test Tube Babies do live and thrive in modern society.

Sincerely,

Hunter

**mavgrad99** · April 6th, 2006, 03:55 PM

Ahem...

Dear Paris Hilton:

Please do not take the role of mother Theresa, she is a saint and shall live in infamy, you are a slut and shall not, although your fleeting "fame" and daddy's money has cast you in many roles, (you brought me much joy in house of wax when you got whacked btw) you will anger many christians throughout the world and we will be no better than those mohammed cartoons. I still will not stay in your daddy's hotels and have not decided whether your feud with nicole is staged or not... give it up and go back to working the parking lot at the Beverly hilton.

--- Mav

**wallyman** · April 6th, 2006, 06:06 PM

Dear Hollywood,

Could you possibly get a clue?

I realize that the average I.Q. of Hollywood is around 37 - but, couldn't you at least try to come up with some original ideas?
Constantly remaking old movies - and bad remakes at that - isn't really getting you anywhere.
So you add bathroom humor and sex, to appeal to the lowest common denominator (teens). It's still leftovers - cold, greasy, and with green fuzz growing on it.
Your boxoffice revenues are falling - people are staying away in droves.

And could you come up with some decent celebrities? Paris Hilton? Gag!!.
Where are the Jimmy Stewarts, Cary Grants, and Katherine Hepburns of today?
Adam Sandler ain't it.

The animated movies made for kids (e.g. Monsters Inc.) have more originality and good-old-fashioned entertainment, than a dozen of your regular movies put together.

Pull it together you losers!

Sincerely,
At home watching the Philadelphia Story.

**PythonPower** · April 7th, 2006, 01:55 AM

Dear Bush,

Lay off the acid and you wont hallucinate so much.

Sincerely

PYTHON