ALL REGARDING SEX AND THE SEXUAL ACT
-- In Bakersfield, California, anyone having intercourse with Satan
must use a condom. (An asbestos one we presume.)
-- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while
hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
-- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse
with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)
-- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic,
onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife
so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
-- Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't
allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with
you -- or holding you in his arms.
-- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between
members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown --
if they're nude.
-- In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to
have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart
when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make
love on the floor between the beds!
-- The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to
provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even
if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have
sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton
nightshirts.
-- An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from
having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!
-- A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called
master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
-- In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity
with the lights on.
-- In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets
because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of
a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American
male."
-- It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police
officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any
suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up
from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two
minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
-- A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a
table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two
ounces of clothing. (Ouch! These pasties hurt!)
-- Anywhere in the U.S., it's illegal to use any live endangered
species, excepting insects, in public or private sexual displays, shows
or exhibits depicting cross-species sex. (Insectophiles apparently were
successful in their lobbying efforts.)
-- Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their
lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while
they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
-- In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a
parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or
van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
-- Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio
- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
-- No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within
the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged
with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local
newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
-- It is illegal for any member of the Nevada Legislature to conduct
official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in
session.
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