Golfing Advice?

[TXT]

Dear Family and Friends,

Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a new book on golf. I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of experience. The cost is only $29.95.

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titlist from the Tee

Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger

Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 11 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th...

Chapter 12 - How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome

Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 15 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt

Chapter 16 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever

Chapter 17 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 18 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer - From The Cart Girl and Give Her a $3 Tip, But Will Balk at $3.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff the Bartender......."

[TXT]

Subject: A new Golf Term

Four very old retired Navy geezers came into the Army-Navy Club pro Shop in Arlington, Virginia after playing 18 holes of golf. They were a bit exhausted. The pro asked, "Did you gents have a good game today?"

The first old feller said, "Oh, I had three riders today."

The second bent over guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."

The third old man said, "I did about the same. I had 7 riders, the same as last time."

The last ancient sport said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today. Aren't you fellers proud of me?"

After they went into the men's locker room, an elderly lady club member that had heard the old gents telling of their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf here for 40 years and thought I knew all the terminology of the game,..... but what in the world is a rider?"

The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."

[TXT]

Has anyone out there ever seen the infomercial for the "Hammer" driver? I actually order one from a catalog for $40.00. I figured even if it turned out to be crappy I wasn't out much. I got it yesterday and went out and hit a few balls with and I was quite impressed. You don't have to swing as hard so you have more control, the ball went farther and was more accurate. So far I think it was worth the money although the real test will come on the course and I'll try and do that next week.

[OBE]

I think anything new, always seems to work for awhile. I just got a whole new set of clubs made for me and theres a marked improvment in my game so far, (seems I needed another 3/4 of an inch in lenght for my clubs). And swinging to hard/fast is a common mistake for most of us along with not engaging the lower half of the body and hips in the swing for that easy power Ernie Els seems to have. Stick to the 3 basics; keep your left arm straight (for righties), keep your head still, and play the ball where it lies.

[snakus100]

haha, this is funny. golf a sport????
nah, i play golf for a living, and the worst thing is, u are either an angry golfer or a calm and collected golfer. temper is a very hard thing to control, and isee alot of players who are cool as a cucumber off the course, yet break a club at the site of a bad shot on the course.
thing you have to remember is your skill level. when the top guys are only hitting 7/10 shots pure, what makes u think u should do it everytime.
as for practice, evryones different, and concentration plays a big part in this. i know great players that only hit 50balls a day, and others that have to practice all day. Natural talent also helps, especially in golf!

[TXT]

A little golf humor

TOP TEN CADDY REPLIES
# 10 Golfer "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

# 9 Golfer "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

# 8 Golfer "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

# 7 Golfer "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy "Eventually."

# 6 Golfer "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

# 5 Golfer "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

# 4 Golfer "How do you like my game?"
Caddy "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

# 3 Golfer "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

# 2 Golfer "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

# 1 Best Caddy Comment ..
Golfer "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

[acoz47]

My question would be how can you be great before you were good before you stink. Don't be so hard on yourself its a great game and everyone struggles beginner to advanced thats what makes it a great game. I have to admit I have snapped a club or two but they are inanimate objects and the other clubs were not intimidated into improving my next shot.

[shootg32]

Great to come across the GOLF topic....I myself been playing (addicted) for 2 years now. Went from a truly CRAP player to shooting 90's from the back tees. Man, No need to let a bad shot ruin the hole or day!! Everyone who wrote all agreed with that one, as if your not getting paid to play, then its all in the fun that can be had. (Or in my case the shot stories that are told from that day.) Practice and Routine are the key. Also play with someone who is good from time to time as man the small pointers help to reduce the ANGER cause you'll know more on why that shot was bad rather then just WANTING TO TOSS THE CLUB!!! It's a hard game no matter if you play for 2 months or 20 years so if your a golf junkky be thankful cause it sucks to be a golf hater as the hobby is way to find!!!! I didn't say anything enlightening in this but I wanted to jump in the love of the game convo...peace!!

[TXT]

ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE:


Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.



Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.



When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.



If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there..



The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.



No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.



The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors



Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.



A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents' luck.



It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt.....For a 10.



Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.



Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts



It's not a gimme if you're still 5 meters away.



The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.



You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.


If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.



Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.



When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.



Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.



If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.



To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; I.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.



There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.



Hazards attract; fairways repel.



A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.



If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint



It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the lawn



A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.



Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.



A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.



If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.



Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.



It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.



If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).



It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!!

[RunningMan27]

I started really loving golf the day I realized I would never be very good. Before then, I only got frustrated and then bad turned to horrible which turned to worst shortly after...

Since that magical day, I now put up a couple of pars and a birdie per 9 holes on the average and I feel fantastic everytime...I expect 5-6 bogeys and a double bogey on the other 6 holes, so they don't bother me anymore.

Good company and a few beers on top of the round make it a good day.

[raijin1]

My advice... hold onto the Wii controller real tight so you don't send it smashing into the wall...

[TXT]

Went golfing for the first time since back surgery June 1st. I was released to play on August 1st. I was 16 over par on 18 holes, a little better than bogey golf which I 'm pleased with. I've always told myself that if I could get to the point where on any given day I could go to any golf course and shoot bogey golf, I'd be happy so yesterday was a good day. And today, my back isn't sore at all. My driving and putting weren't the greatest but that will get better the more I play.

[bachy]

Great to hear you have made it back to the links. My goal is to play bogey golf as well. I definitley do not play enough but we all need goals right? Enjoy the golf and hope your back stays strong.

[cptobvious]

I went on leave not too long ago down to FL. I played 63 holes of golf in a week. I didn't play great, but just being out on the course so much was relaxing. glad you are able to get back on the course after your surgery TXT.