long distance relationships

[saruknight]

hmmm....i wonder what its like on the lady' side of things

[macphee187]

My brother and his wife met over the internet. Had a long distance relationship. She moved to Winnipeg after he went down to meet her in Fredricton once.

They've been married for 2 years now and are very happy together.

Some people may diss long-distance relationships, but there are some that actually work out!

[Gri3v0us]

Originally Posted by macphee187

My brother and his wife met over the internet. Had a long distance relationship. She moved to Winnipeg after he went down to meet her in Fredricton once.

They've been married for 2 years now and are very happy together.

Some people may diss long-distance relationships, but there are some that actually work out!

I would have to agree on that. Some people will eventually find their soulmates online and get to know each other more and soon they will start meeting up with them and such. For some people it may turn up absolutely great for them, and while for others, it may just turn out really bad and would rather start finding someone who is closer and around. I don't really see long distance to be much of a problem as long as they are committed and balance, then i guess love can be found anywhere.

[Manfred_Man]

that's great, macphee! congratulations to them!

saruk, the real question is if it's working or not? if it is, then what anyone has to say here is interesting, at least. if it's not or you've got doubts, then you need to ask if you're willing to continue in a long-distance relationship for a potentially long-term, or resolve it by one of you moving closer, or sadly, ending the relationship.

as good and interesting a question as it is, every relationship is different and depends on the individuals involved. i'm not saying long-distance relationships are good or bad, or if they're better or worse. maybe you need to ask your significant other about the state of your relationship, your "goals & objectives" so to speak, and whatever comes along...

[Gri3v0us]

good point, Manfred_Man. every relationship is different whether it is long distance or a short one. It depends on how much is being put into it. Aside from asking your significant other of where you guys stand, you need to ask yourself how you feel about this and are you ready to fully put your effort to it also. One person may want something, while the other thinks otherwise. So before reaching for goals and objectives, an understanding of what you are trying to put it and is it really worth all that must be considered. It would suck to waste all that time when that relationship is going nowhere and just back to square one again.

[Manfred_Man]

thanks, gri3v0us! kudos to you, too!

saruk, everyone loves to see a relationship work out well, and one that lasts & endures. all i can say is i wish you well in this relationship!

hope to hear from you soon...

[Justsomedude]

Originally Posted by Manfred_Man

depends on the kind of relationship you're talking about...
- dating?
- courtship?
- friendship/platonic?

depends on the distance & transportation/accessibility, also...
- 1 hour commute?
- day's travel there & back?
- several days away?

depends on what you're willing to spend, really
- time
- money
- hassle/frustration

depends on trust, also
- fidelity
- opennes & honesty

I agree with this. Like Manfred posted, it depends on the situation. I myself was involved in a long distance relationship, but more of a friendship type of thing. We were good friends in school, always hangin' out. But then she moved to Québec City. We'd write each other every other week and we visited each other every other month or so. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't one of the lucky ones. After two years of this, she kinda one day just dropped off the face of the earth (I suspect a jealous boyfriend in this, as she was getting involved with someone up to this point). So in my case, the long distance relationship didn't work.

Originally Posted by macphee187

My brother and his wife met over the internet. Had a long distance relationship. She moved to Winnipeg after he went down to meet her in Fredricton once.

They've been married for 2 years now and are very happy together.

Some people may diss long-distance relationships, but there are some that actually work out!

Here, I'd have to say that the law of averages was at work. Don't get me wrong, it's great that this happened, but for the most part, I've experienced the quite enough of the opposite that this was one of those rare moments in the universe where everything fell into place. Kinda like the 'urban myth' (so to speak) about finding a girlfriend/boyfriend in a bar. Everybody knows that, for the most part, people going to bars are just there to hook up and get laid. Typically, they are not there looking for a mate. But again, the rare occurence of cosmic synchronicity can happen here too. Lucky for me I've been present for two of those times, both involving friends of mine (incidentally, twin brothers I might add. What are the odds... ). Twin #1 met his girl in a local bar one cold night in January and they have been together ever since (8 years, now). Twin #2 met HIS girl in the SAME bar and they have been together ever since (4 years, now).

Anyways, all I'm saying is that, for the most part, long distance relationships don't usually last (just because one or both parties lose interest), but in some cases, it can surprisingly turn out for the better. Like I said at the beginning, it's just as Manfred says, it all depends on the situation (and the universe being in your favor ). Hopefully, you'll be one of the few that can make it.

P.S. Sorry for the long post. I tend to get carried away.

[saruknight]

long time no see fellows XD
just reading all this stuff you can practically feel the love in here guys:P
well....just to update...seems the universe is with me on this....so far!
how long does it usually take for some people to lose interest anyways???!!??

[hondo]

It can work if both of you are honest about what you want out of the relationship. I have known my soon-to-be-wife for 2 years and she is half way around the world. Keep the communication going and let the friendship guide you. If love starts to show you will know it by the way the two of you start to communicate with each other differently. If not friendship is all that is there and neither of you will have to have your feelings hurt. I never thought of online dating but it has work for me this time.

[inconsiderado]

in general, they're a bad fucking idea...i had one for about 5 months...they only work if you trust the other person, which i did/do...

[sucher67]

I firmly believe long distance can work (speaking from personal experience). However, there must be a deadline. Proximity is a necessary part of a relationship. There has to be an agreed-upon time when either partner will relocate in order to create proximity. If the relationship remains long-distance for an indefinite period of time, then it will fade away. Someone has to make the commitment to relocate.

In the mean time, distance can actually be beneficial, since a lack of proximity forces a higher level of verbal communication and interaction that many do not have early on in a relationship. However, without the goal of "being together," the relationship will seem pointless and fade away. Both partners really have to WANT to be together-- some relationships have this power. My advice to anyone beginning a long-distance relationship: if either of you say "we'll see what happpens," then nothing will happen. Both partners must make the decision going into it that they will be together and set a mutual goal/timeframe to make that happen, or it wil not work.

[Carlos_Hathcock]

There are two very old sayings in colombia, I will translate them

1. Amor de lejos, es Amor de pendejos.
Love from afar, Love for fools....

2. Amor de lejos, Amor para los cuatro.
Love from afar, Love for the 4 of you.

I don't think number two needs any kind of explanation, if you don't understand it, you're more than welcome to PM and I will.

[biscuitman357]

Long distance relationships will only work if -

1) You are married.

2) You commit to get engaged before you move apart. Thus giving each party 'shooting' rights if you cheat. This is a rule every guy knows, nail a girl who has a boyfriend already is just bad luck for him, cost of doing business. Nail a girl who is engaged or married and said financee/husband has 'shooting' rights to cap you. I didn't make the rules but I accept they are what they are.

3) You are in the military and your spouse depends on your paycheck/military housing/medical benefits to survive.

4) Both parties have some kind of trait/characteristic/feature that honestly doesn't attract anyone. Can't stray if all you got is each other. Sadly some people marry the first person thats nice to them because thats about all they can get in their circumstances.

5) You are in the mob, and your wife knows if she divorces you, things are not gonna look good for her when you get paroled.

Usually one person moving for the other is about leverage. I.E. if he moves and gives up his life to be with her, he loves her more than she loves him. If she loved him more, she would have stayed. And vice versa if she moves and gives up her life to be with him, she loves him more than he loves her. Love is never equitable, long distance only confirms who has the leverage. Usually the person with the leverage strays because they have the option to do so.

[Carlos_Hathcock]

Well, I don't know how you came up with those answers, so here are my two cents on them

Originally Posted by biscuitman357
Long distance relationships will only work if -



1) You are married.

Not true, you need more than being married to succeed in a long distance relationship, you need to be true to each other.

2) You commit to get engaged before you move apart. Thus giving each party 'shooting' rights if you cheat. This is a rule every guy knows, nail a girl who has a boyfriend already is just bad luck for him, cost of doing business. Nail a girl who is engaged or married and said financee/husband has 'shooting' rights to cap you. I didn't make the rules but I accept they are what they are.

Somehow, I agree with you on this one.

3) You are in the military and your spouse depends on your paycheck/military housing/medical benefits to survive.

Not true at all, I was deployed to Iraq in 2003 when my exwife left me, and believe me, the military will take care of your spouse wether she's cheating or not, my ex emptied my bank account $16000 dollars we managed to save in 3 years, and she was still taking advantage of the military benefits, what did they say?, nothing, she's your wife. Now, on the other hand, she tried to go get a divorce while I was away, and every law firm in vegas kicked her out of their offices. Nice to see attorneys were on my side that day.

4) Both parties have some kind of trait/characteristic/feature that honestly doesn't attract anyone. Can't stray if all you got is each other. Sadly some people marry the first person thats nice to them because thats about all they can get in their circumstances.

No matter how ugly you think you are, you'll always attract someone, when you least expect it.

5) You are in the mob, and your wife knows if she divorces you, things are not gonna look good for her when you get paroled.

No comment on that....

Usually one person moving for the other is about leverage. I.E. if he moves and gives up his life to be with her, he loves her more than she loves him. If she loved him more, she would have stayed. And vice versa if she moves and gives up her life to be with him, she loves him more than he loves her. Love is never equitable, long distance only confirms who has the leverage. Usually the person with the leverage strays because they have the option to do so.

[[b]L[i]N[g]]

hmm... everyone seems to have their own pros and cons on this topic. In my opinion, everyone is different, and you can't really judge how it will work for someone else. You can have your own opinion due to the fact you experienced it yourself, therefore others can learn something from the experience. But in the end, it's the individuals choice, based on other's experience, whether he or she wants to get involved in a long distance relationship. With that said here's my story...(might get lenghty, so bare with me. And I know everyone will have their own opinion, but I don't care)

Summer of 2005. I wasn't really doing much. I took a break from college life, and running my business. You can say I was on hiatus. I even took a break from this site Anyways, I have this show I use to watch all the time on The Filipino Channel. Became a real big fan. I thought the hosts and dancers were cute. As I was browsing one day on the internet, I happen to come across the dance groups website and met a few friends on there. As time progressed I became a Moderator on the site. That's when I got involved getting to know the dancers on the show. I happened to stumble upon one of the girls friendster and I tried my luck with her on Yahoo Messenger. It was kinda weird cuz my main purpose was not to court her but to ask her a question one of her fans had for her . I showed her my pic and we chatted a little although she was being bombarded with instant messages by her fans. We clicked and she gave me her number. I was pretty shocked and flattered. It was a strange new thing for me, talking to someone on the other side of the globe. I didn't know how to come about it, so I asked some of the other moderators if they had any experience with it. And they did.

The first week all we did was text because using a phone card was new to me too! I'd ask her how her day went and how was the show. It became a routine until a week later, she asked me if could call her one time. For two hours, she told me about herself (girls love to talk and its our job to listen). I felt like I've known her for years. She had the cutest voice ever. I kinda felt something, but wasn't sure what it was at first. Love? maybe, maybe not. But we became close friends. She started telling things her dance group would be doing and I'd be able to post it on their website letting all their fans know what's up. I became a reliable source. Sometimes even played match maker, but that became a burden on my shoulders and I stopped doing it. Anyways, chatting with her on the phone became a once in a week thing. I realized I was falling for her and I wanted to try and court her. Her friends, my friends, moderators, and even fans of the site were teasing the both of us. At first it seemed like a fan and dancer admiration, but it became serious. We felt both shy about getting involved with each other, but then one day it kinda happened on accident. One of our friends asked her for me if she loved me, and she told our friend to tell me that she did loved me. That's when I considered her my girlfriend.

The first few weeks were hard for the both of us, it being a long distant relationship. It was new to her, and somewhat new to me. She always found herself missing me, and I found myself doing the same thing. She was so honest with me that she would tell me what she would feel at times. For example, she would let me know about all these guys and even other dancers that were trying to date her. I find myself being jealous most of the time. In time, it grew on me. She was beautiful inside and out, and I have to get use to others trying to make a move on her. She was always frank with me and told me that I was the one she loved. That gave me security. I trusted her no matter what. Even till this day she doesn't give others the time of day. And trust me there are jerks in the Philippines. Some random guys try to cop a feel on her when she's alone at the mall Even her old friends would say, "He's in California, you can have a bf here while he's away" A-holes I tell ya! She always turns them down. Everytime I hear that it makes me fall in love with her all over again. I love her to death.

Anyways, how things are now... 3months as of yesterday, and we haven't lost the fire. Our talks on the phone became every day. They range from 3-5 hrs daily. Yes crazy I know. My phone bill is through the roof, I have a collection of phone cards, and we text each other pretty much everything we do Sometimes, we talk about having babies, our marriage, our goals in life, etc... Pretty much everything you can think of, we've pretty much talked about. We have so much in common. I feel as if she's my counterpart. I pretty much know her life story. Even gotten the chance to talk to her siblings, and parents. I buy them birthday gifts and bought them all Christmas presents. Now I know when you're with the parents, you are in right?

In the upcoming months, we're gonna be spending time apart due to our work. I'll be busy saving up money so I could live in the Philippines this coming summer for about 3-5 months and spend some quality time with her. I'm also currently taking up a couple classes this semester. As for her, her dance group will be touring Japan from February until I go back to the Philippines. How will we manage? It's all about trust as they say, and communicating with each other. At times it will be hard, but that's what relationships come with. You go through your ups and downs, but at the end you learn from it.It's not like we're rushing also. I'm planning on proposing to her at the end of the year, hopefully New Years Eve. We won't be actually setting a date for another 3 years, and by then I'll already have graduated and saved up enough money to settle down with her. With all that said, it's all about trust, communication, and a mutual understanding. If both feel the same way about each other why not?

And about trust, and cheating. I for one am faithful due to the fact, I'm still saving myself till marriage. How can one do so? hehe maybe I'll answer this question in the 'Is your spouse the best lover you've had?' thread. It's all about controlling our crazy ass hormones Anyway, I can trust her because she's been extremely open and frank with me. She was a man-hater before she met me due to the fact she felt used all these years with her ex-boyfriends. A year later she didn't expect to meet me. We both feel destiny brought us together (I know it might sound corny, but its true) We'll walk by fate and not by sight till the very end. Every girl might seem like they want a bad guy, but in the end they'd want to be with a nice guy. Even bad guys turn soft when they have found someone they are in 'love' with and not in 'lust' with. Well...that's my two cents and a dime. I hope sharing my experience gives others a chance to see another example of a 'long distance relationship'. I've posted similar, yet not detailed post in other similar threads. Anyways, I apologize again for my rambling.

[pokertriad]

I dated a girl in 7th grade, who I really liked. But her parents are divorced(well, never married), and because of some custody hearing, she had to go live with her dad for 3-5 years(yeah I know sounds like a prision sentence), but she got to pick after the 3 years if she wanted to stay for the 2 more. So after the summer, we both agreed to stay in touch(not as a bf/gf anymore), but just as friends. We are both still interested in each other and said that if we ever live in the same area, we should try again. My advice is unless you are truely 100% sure that she is the 1 girl for you, then do something similar to my situation. It has worked out great, and even though we never see each other, we talk almost everyday.

[asdsad]

Originally Posted by BISHOP

long distance can work if you dont mind sharing her with the guy that lives next door

hahah

[mavgrad99]

Here's a TBD relationship, my friend lives in Atlanta and has for about 6 years, his g/f of that 6 years just recently got a job and had to move to Amsterdamn, that was in October. From what I recall, they had never really broken up, but as the miles have come between them so have the fights. They have not seen each other since the move but she is due back in the states next month, from what I have heard they are still together but suffering. It could go either way when they meet up again face to face. Long distance is a tough thing, you have to have a strong foundation for your relationship otherwise its bubbye!

[TXT]

Any relationship requires commitment and sacrifice to self. To make a relationship work long term, these two things are daily requirements. We were put here to serve not be served. I did not realize this until my second marriage. Long distance relationships may require an extra amount of this in order to make them work. They're not impossible but the physical separation is something additional thrown into the mix and both parties have to be willing to go the extra step.

[myopet]

It's all relative. it's all in your head. Whatever you believe it will become. It's a matter of both people being in tune with each other...thinking the same thing and comming to the same realizations. That in itself is more difficult than a LDR. I'm in a LDR right now and its great! Been seeing her for about 6 months now.