Girls and Ex

mt611 · December 11th, 2006, 01:18 AM

Why do some females choose to talk about their ex-boyfriends? Is it to make some men jealous? they havent gotten over them? or is it just easier to say than the guy who i used to date and became great friends? I'm currently talking a female and working through the dating phase. I noticed she brings up Exs now and then. To me, the Ex speech can lead you to the crying shoulder friend and dont get me wrong, I am not cold hearted but that last thing i want to do is become "the friend." Unless the situation is grim and she really needs someone to talk to I'm not going to push the subject nor do i want to open wounds. She's got a great personality, gorgeous, hard working and intelligent. I met her in college and she just so happens to live close to where my folks live. her speaking about Ex-boyfriends may not be as often as his thread may seem but its more than i would like. Sure she remained friends with her Exs i guess thats not a bad thing, but she continues with other statements which I will elaborate in after I get some responses.

Dr.Feelgood · December 11th, 2006, 06:10 AM

Maybe you should bring these concerns up to her, and then just have a talk about it.
Im sure shes probably not doing it intentionally.

**bigshow** · December 11th, 2006, 08:54 AM

Could it be that she has a comfort zone with you and feels that she can talk about her ex? Or is she talking about things that she and her have done together? Does she feel that you strong enough to listen and not feel threatened?

What type of things does she talk about? What situations/context of things?

**Chopper_Dave** · December 11th, 2006, 10:38 AM

A Wise Man Once Told Me, "Dave, The Secret To Getting Along With Women Is This: Men Like To Fix Things. That Way We Don't Have To Deal With The Problem Any More. Now Women, They Like To Talk About Problems... That Way They Can Relive Them And Enjoy It All Over Again. So I Just Listen, And Never Offer To Help, Because They Don't Want It Fixed!"

**johnny_on_the_spot** · December 11th, 2006, 11:55 AM

funny situation - see, right now i am the ex... she doesnt talk to me too much, because the guy she is with wont let her (which doesnt stop her at all really) but she seems like she still wants to be with me... so i cant say that talking about her exs is the best thing in the world, but i think what is important to remember is how long were they together and why did they break up? i was with my ex for 5 years, we love each other, but a long distance relationship broke us up

if your girl was with the guy for a few months, dont worry about it too much, if he beat her, dont worry about it too much, you get what im saying?
(basically, if they were together for a long time and broke up for something that was very hard for both of them to deal with, then you might have some problems)

skulltrooper · December 11th, 2006, 02:52 PM

mt611, nip it in the bud. I dont know how long u have been hooking up with her; but when she starts again on the ex(s), casually say,"Let's not talk about failed relationships."

- you are not her therapist
- you are not her girlfriend
- you are not her rebound guy

I'd be a little cautious, she may also be projecting onto you the ex's faults...as a means of manipulating you. (e.g.."my ex was a real jerk"...new guy listens therefore does anti-jerk approach...in which he becomes nice guy friend.)