Need help with approaching women

[determination2achieve]

I gotta be honest with you guys, I'm only 19 and don't have too much experience with women. Basically every girlfriend I've ever had has been someone I knew anyway from school or sport or w/e and then asked them out or they asked me out. I havent had much practice introducing myself to new women and I'm a bit shy in that respect.
So basically, lets say I'm out in a club or a bar and I see a girl I like, how do I start a conversation with them? Should I just go straight up to them and introduce myself, say like "Hi, my names Andy"? Should I tap them on the shoulder to get their attention? Should I try to make eye contact with them before I go over to them and start talking? What direction should I approach them from? Should I compliment them on their appearance straight away, say something like "you look pretty tonight"? Should I send a friend over to the girl and get them to tell her that I like her?
This probably seems like a stupid question and maybe it is, but anyway any advice would be appreciated.

[pliny_2001]

Here's my experience - any and all of the options you gave could work, but none have a chance if you aren't particularly confident in yourself. I know when I first got to college (18 years old, here in the states), I was uncomfortable in a new place, and it showed - I could pretty much only date girls that I got to know through class or friends. By the time graduation rolled around, though, I had worked through alot of issues (and generally grew up) and was able to approach pretty much anyone. A similar pattern developed in grad school, though (thank god) my self-confidence came back within a semester or so.

But here are some thoughts to help you in specific:

Introduce yourself: A good call - it shows confidence and some degree of honesty. It's a rare girl that would act bitchy on this play, so your worst-case scenario would be that you have nothing to say after your introduction, and just stand there like a puppet (so I'd recommend figuring something to add after she says "Hi, I'm Jessica.")

Tap on shoulder: Just stay away from this until you gain some experience - if you were a pretty girl, would you want random guys touching you? (they don't, BTW)

Eye contact: if she makes good eye contact w/ you, consider yourself cleared for approach. Don't say "I saw you looking at me," though - the ball's in your court to show her that you're worth being around, so making her carry the conversation isn't a good way of doing this.

Compliment on appearance: this should be done regularly and often, but never upon a recent introduction. She knows she's pretty. Every other guy on Earth is telling her she's pretty. Instead, pick out something about her (that's a great necklace/amazing outfit/etc) and compliment that - she already knows that you think she's pretty, and now you're telling her that she's got great taste. You're also saying that you agree with her great taste. Complimenting shoes is dicey, and you should wait until you're more advanced - you run the risk of being labelled gay, or into feet. Neither is particularly good.

Send a friend: If you're content to pretend to be in Middle School, then go ahead. It will also fail miserably. The only way to make that play work is to write "Do you want to talk/get a drink/etc. with me?" and two boxes labelled 'Yes' and 'No.' If you're uncomfortable acting like an idiot, avoid this maneuver at all costs (comfort comes with experience and confidence).


Hope this helps, and I hope that dating advice translates from American into English.

[Richard]

Originally Posted by pliny_2001

Here's my experience - any and all of the options you gave could work, but none have a chance if you aren't particularly confident in yourself. I know when I first got to college (18 years old, here in the states), I was uncomfortable in a new place, and it showed - I could pretty much only date girls that I got to know through class or friends. By the time graduation rolled around, though, I had worked through alot of issues (and generally grew up) and was able to approach pretty much anyone. A similar pattern developed in grad school, though (thank god) my self-confidence came back within a semester or so.

But here are some thoughts to help you in specific:

Introduce yourself: A good call - it shows confidence and some degree of honesty. It's a rare girl that would act bitchy on this play, so your worst-case scenario would be that you have nothing to say after your introduction, and just stand there like a puppet (so I'd recommend figuring something to add after she says "Hi, I'm Jessica.")

Tap on shoulder: Just stay away from this until you gain some experience - if you were a pretty girl, would you want random guys touching you? (they don't, BTW)

Eye contact: if she makes good eye contact w/ you, consider yourself cleared for approach. Don't say "I saw you looking at me," though - the ball's in your court to show her that you're worth being around, so making her carry the conversation isn't a good way of doing this.

Compliment on appearance: this should be done regularly and often, but never upon a recent introduction. She knows she's pretty. Every other guy on Earth is telling her she's pretty. Instead, pick out something about her (that's a great necklace/amazing outfit/etc) and compliment that - she already knows that you think she's pretty, and now you're telling her that she's got great taste. You're also saying that you agree with her great taste. Complimenting shoes is dicey, and you should wait until you're more advanced - you run the risk of being labelled gay, or into feet. Neither is particularly good.

Send a friend: If you're content to pretend to be in Middle School, then go ahead. It will also fail miserably. The only way to make that play work is to write "Do you want to talk/get a drink/etc. with me?" and two boxes labelled 'Yes' and 'No.' If you're uncomfortable acting like an idiot, avoid this maneuver at all costs (comfort comes with experience and confidence).


Hope this helps, and I hope that dating advice translates from American into English.

That pretty much sums it all up.

Just keep your head up! The worst thing is that she reject you (as pliny said, always have a comment/line prepared so you dont look like a fool, perhaps something like "your loss" or something...that is if she acts all arrogant. If she reject you in a nice way, just smile and walk away!)

And also like Pliny say, make compliments, but dont say them too often, you'll just look desperate, and also as pliny said, you dont need to say that she's pretty (when you first talk to her) since that would bee pretty obvuous haha..

But if you do get into a conversation you might say something about her apparel etc, or bodily features. (im talking about smile, eyes, hair here, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT compliment her bust/ass/legs) Something like "your smile is so addictive" , or "I love watching you smile" should be a winner :P

works for me lol..

But anyways Good luck man!
Be persistent! and dont sob if you get rejected.. There's like 3 billion other ladies to choose from anyways