Going celibate

**Carlos_Hathcock** · May 20th, 2007, 08:39 PM

So, I thought it through today, and... well, as the title says, I'm going celibate, I think I need to slow down and enjoy the scenery a little bit more. I ask that you guys don't make fun of me for taking this kind of decision, I think I want to save myself for a great person and not jump into one-night-stands bullshit, that's just not healthy for the body and the soul. Who knows, if there's a woman out there who moves the ground under my feet and the oportunity arised tomorrow then heck yeah, I'd do it in a heart beat, but, since that's just not true, then I will remain celibate until further notice. I ask that those who think are my true friends to support my decision and help me stick to it, this will be a pretty bumpy road to take, but it is what I want right now.

Thank you all for your time, and please help me out,

CH

Weiser_Cain · May 20th, 2007, 08:52 PM

I'm celibate because I'm poor and kids would ruin me. Running around trying to get laid was taking up way too much of my time (not that I was great at this anyway), my body was turning to shit and my career was non-existent. So no more girls till I can afford them.
Good luck getting over the hump though, for the first few months everything will start looking good.

**Insex** · May 20th, 2007, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carlos_Hathcock

So, I thought it through today, and... well, as the title says, I'm going celibate, I think I need to slow down and enjoy the scenery a little bit more. I ask that you guys don't make fun of me for taking this kind of decision, I think I want to save myself for a great person and not jump into one-night-stands bullshit, that's just not healthy for the body and the soul. Who knows, if there's a woman out there who moves the ground under my feet and the oportunity arised tomorrow then heck yeah, I'd do it in a heart beat, but, since that's just not true, then I will remain celibate until further notice. I ask that those who think are my true friends to support my decision and help me stick to it, this will be a pretty bumpy road to take, but it is what I want right now.

Thank you all for your time, and please help me out,

CH

You should not feel embarrassed for making that type of decision, Carlos_Hathcock. You're not the only one out there, there are many other people who have made the same decision as you have.

I myself, have made the decision to remain a virgin until I'm married a long time ago. I made the decision both for religious and personal reasons. Personally, I'd rather save myself for a woman who is really special and well worth the wait, rather than just have my fun with many women right now.

Going celibate is a very serious and honorable choice to make. There are very few people out there who are willing to make that type of decision. So you should feel proud of yourself for making that type of a decision. In the longrun, you'll find a woman who really appreciates and understands your decision.

**ppsuprise** · May 20th, 2007, 10:05 PM

i think you made the right decision carlos, and your right jumping in beds with different women every night isnt healthy to the soul.

**pliny_2001** · May 20th, 2007, 10:29 PM

While I'm not going to cast stones at sleeping around a bit, I certainly agree with changing up your routine when it's not working for you.

I don't know if my own experience can help you, but a few years ago a friend - no doubt getting tired of the un-ending girl problems that kept hovering around me - recommended that I take a few months off from dating. I agreed (we've all thought it), and I actually went through with it. I settled on a semester (I was still in undergrad at the time) without girls, and spent the extra time either studying, or the infamous "working on myself."

While it was a pretty big shock to the system, I adjusted, and I think I took alot out of it. There weren't any magic cures (I've dated any number of disasters since then), but I learned alot more about what I was looking for in a girl, and - probably more importantly, what I wasn't looking for.

The experiment's end was pretty much like any other day, and I don't think I even went on a date for almost a month after I was "allowed" (it was, of course, a disaster). I'm still single - proudly so - and I don't have a timeline for settling down (I'd rather bachelor for life than get involved in one of those miserable marriage/relationships that I see everywhere), but I like to think that now, at least, I'm able to see if there's a future with a girl when I date her, as opposed to simply figuring out the easiest way to sleep with her - it's much more complex, and much more enjoyable.

Good luck, and I certainly won't make fun of your choice.

**Carlos_Hathcock** · May 20th, 2007, 11:00 PM

This is what I'm looking for:

A female who will call you on your bullshit, a female who won't know if she's gonna kiss you or not on a first date just from looking at you. I will stay away from the bar and club females, though I won't stop going out, "i live in miami" I want a female who is going to school if she doesn't already have a degree. Want a female who gets along with her family and doesn't have too much drama with them. Want a female who isn't affraid of public attention and is not ashamed of anything.

I think this is it, totally the opossite of what I've been with in the past.

**PythonPower** · May 21st, 2007, 02:15 AM

nothing wrong with it. i am a virgin

**biscuitman357** · May 21st, 2007, 04:38 AM

Well you gotta do what you think is best, so good luck to you on that.

My view on it is that the desire for sex is hardwired into us instinctively. I don't know how easy it is to turn that off or on. Also there are clear medical and psychological benefits of getting laid on a regular basis.

I think as a person gets older, especially a guy, you get to the point where you learn to accept certain tradeoffs. You might get laid, but you are only going to get laid by girls in category X through Y, which is limited by how much money you have. If you get into a relationship to get regular sex (you hope) you have to give up A B and C to do it.

When a guy is young, sex is new and fresh and you are more willing to make those tradeoffs. As you get older, you start to realize that women are all pretty much the same in terms of what it takes to maintenance them in a relationship to get said sex and most guys would just not rather deal with that stuff.

I find the problem isn't sex. The problem is relationships and loneliness. The structure of relationships sucks for a guy. You get laid, but only when she wants to, and you give up time,money,effort and you are forced to "compromise" and "justify" your daily interaction to someone else. Or you can be lonely. But let me tell you the secret - I know plenty of people in relationships who are lonely. Dating someone and not being lonely have nothing to do with each other.

Sex stops being a commodity as you get older. Men learn not to be ruled by it so completely. Women get older and learn they can't get away with the same stuff they did 10 years ago because now all the guys are chasing younger and hotter women.

I think you have to ask yourself if you are tired of the physical act. Or if this is all a manifestation of not wanting to deal with the mindnumbing tedium you have to go through to get laid.

No inlaws, no driving anyone to the airport, no waiting a half hour for her to decide what she wants for dinner, no added expense of Valentines Days and birthdays and anniversaries and blah blah blah. People treat "no sex" as if it's bad, when they fail to see that "no sex" often means no relationship which has all kinds of benefits.

There are alot of lonely chicks out there who can't figure out "where all the good men are at" or why they are still single. It's a pretty easy equation. Chicks in America have pretty much priced themselves out of what most guys are willing to pay to keep them around.

I suspect, and this is only my guess, that you might be anti relationship in the Western world than you are disenchanted with the sole physical aspect of sex.

**tat2** · May 21st, 2007, 06:11 AM

carlos, best of luck dude, i admire your conviction!

biscuit, excellent post!

**chuckg** · May 21st, 2007, 08:59 AM

Make fun of you? Dude, I applaud you! My 17 year old son told me that he wants to stay celibate until marriage. I'm very proud of him.

My wife was a virgin when we got together and we didn't have sex until we were married. I unfortunately wasn't. I say "unfortunate" because looking back I would have loved to have given her something important like that.

So I also admire your conviction. I wish there were more people who think like you.

**Carlos_Hathcock** · May 21st, 2007, 09:30 AM

Do not get me wrong guys, coming back from Iraq for the 5th time, finally knocked some fucking sense into me. So yes, maybe I am anti relationship, but only here in the states, I know several females in colombia who have known me since were children and probably know me like the palm of their hands, in several ocasions they have made clear their feelings for me, but because of distance I've turned them down in numerous occassions. Also, my mother knows what's going on with me, she supports everything I do, but she would like to see how things go with this other female living down there, she's triple majoring, plays volleyball, and she's known her since she that girl was 5, she gets along great with her parents and works really hard to support them down there they're too old to work now.

So I say, what the hell, this female comes with really good credentials from many people already, lets give it a try, I'm heading down there in three weeks.

CH

**ItalianStallion** · May 31st, 2007, 02:58 AM

congrats...i hope u last long on ur conviction...i too am look for the right lady friend...n i wont settle for nething less

pennylessz28 · June 14th, 2007, 05:36 PM

I used to be very active, with a lot of different partners. Last Jan 2006 I committed myself to the Lord and haven't been with a women since.

Shortly there after he brought to me a beautiful and VIRGIN, my age, 25, whom I'm looking forward to marrying. It's really help restore my heart, and gave me access to a new intimacy I never knew.

I say more power to you.

**pliny_2001** · June 14th, 2007, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pennylessz28

Shortly there after he brought to me a beautiful and VIRGIN

I don't mean to hijack Carlos's thread, and I don't mean to have a go at religious convictions, but is the 'virgin' part actually important to people? I'm all for the beautiful, but I really can't find it in myself to care if a girlfriend-caliber girl has slept around, so long as she has treated herself - and demanded that others treat her - w/ respect.

Just curious as to what people think.

pennylessz28 · June 15th, 2007, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pliny_2001

I don't mean to hijack Carlos's thread, and I don't mean to have a go at religious convictions, but is the 'virgin' part actually important to people? I'm all for the beautiful, but I really can't find it in myself to care if a girlfriend-caliber girl has slept around, so long as she has treated herself - and demanded that others treat her - w/ respect.

Just curious as to what people think.

Before I thought that way. But honestly, just proves to me that she respects herself more than any other girl I've been with. She doesn't just give herself up to anyone. She's had boyfriends. How many times have we thought, we were in love with the girl we were sleeping with.

Thats just what I'm working with, if she wasn't a virgin my feelings would be the same, but its an added plus. If and when I marry her, she hasn't been touched by another man. She's all mine, 100%, emotionally and physically.

It sounds old fashion, but in practice you actually make sex that more special and raise it to a higher level of experince.

I've been with over 50 women, and I'm not proud of that. I don't even know the number. I had sex with girls in restrooms who I knew for 10 mins, what kind of girl does that?

**painless2** · June 15th, 2007, 02:22 AM

What kind of guy does that as well? I usually have long periods between girls because I try to find the right girl. So far it hasn't worked into a girl I have found for marriage, but then again I also haven't done much that I regret either.

**JoeBAR** · June 15th, 2007, 05:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pennylessz28

If and when I marry her, she hasn't been touched by another man. She's all mine, 100%, emotionally and physically.

It sounds old fashion, but in practice you actually make sex that more special and raise it to a higher level of experince.

In truth, it's one of those ultra-selfish feeling! YOURS? what gives! the reality is that she won't be able to compare your performance with another, and that sooth your ego. You're just insecure in yourself. Found the Lord indeed. This isn't old fashion, it's down right mysogin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pennylessz28

I've been with over 50 women, and I'm not proud of that. I don't even know the number. I had sex with girls in restrooms who I knew for 10 mins, what kind of girl does that?

I tell you what kind of girl does that: the same kind as blokes who do it. If you wasn't proud of your numbers, you wouldn't mention them. If you think a bird is a slut for shagging you in the toilet after 10 min, remember that she ain't no worse than you!

pennylessz28 · June 15th, 2007, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeBAR

In truth, it's one of those ultra-selfish feeling! YOURS? what gives! the reality is that she won't be able to compare your performance with another, and that sooth your ego. You're just insecure in yourself. Found the Lord indeed. This isn't old fashion, it's down right mysogin.

I tell you what kind of girl does that: the same kind as blokes who do it. If you wasn't proud of your numbers, you wouldn't mention them. If you think a bird is a slut for shagging you in the toilet after 10 min, remember that she ain't no worse than you!

Um, no. You're right though, I was a man slut. And I disagree with how I lived my lifestyle. Proud of it no, but I want to make it known so anyone else who's been there and feels a hole in their heart can relate.

Compare my performance, whatever dude. I honestly don't deserve a girl that has been so pure with herself. I'm not insecure with myself thats the least for sure.

And I didn't appericate your RUDE comment to me over PM.

**ProfGumby** · June 15th, 2007, 10:25 AM

Nothing to draw fire or be made fun of for choosing celebacy. be it for any reason, Christian or otherwise. Most of my unmarried life I didn't want to be encumbered by all the mind games and BS most of my friends who were dating or married had to deal with. I wanted freedom and no responsibility for a time. I didn't have sex till I was almost married, but that was partly not by choice so much. I thought if the right situation came along I would have, as it did and I did. The woman I married was my first "all the way" girl.

18 years and two kids later, for almost the last year now, I am again celebate, again not by my choice, yes it's the same girl....go figure......

"So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas and six more payments to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would, I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman, and I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. 'Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be, are still out there, being what we don't wanna be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun to my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!"

**JoeBAR** · June 15th, 2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pennylessz28

Um, no. You're right though, I was a man slut. And I disagree with how I lived my lifestyle. Proud of it no, but I want to make it known so anyone else who's been there and feels a hole in their heart can relate.

Compare my performance, whatever dude. I honestly don't deserve a girl that has been so pure with herself. I'm not insecure with myself thats the least for sure.

And I didn't appericate your RUDE comment to me over PM.

What's rude about pathetic? It's not like I called you names... Unlike your righteous self who called me a a***hole.

Perfect example of two faced bigotry. As much respect I have for someone like Insex, who lives by what he believes in, you'll never make the cut.