Really falling for this girl, long distance, don't know what to do...

[bart1123]

I met this girl and spent a few days/nights with her. She wasn't slutty with me and we spent most of our time just talking and snuggling with a few kisses here and there. So I don't think I was just a piece of ass for her because of how she was with me. Then she moved almost 3 hours away back home for the summer to start looking for jobs. The problem is I really really like her already and I don't think I'v had it this instant before without some skepticism.

I found out she came out of a long term relationship a couple months ago cause of her boyfriend cheating on her, which is funny cause that happened to me in the past year. Shes not talking with him anymore and I really don't see her being the type to go back I really think that its completely over. Shes very intelligent and is very stable.

She has came back in town twice since are original couple of nights, but the second time took some effort to get her here. The situation is really starting to frustrate me because I feel like I keep screwing it up. When we are with each other we are all snuggly and make out the whole time and shes really happy with me. She picks me apart and wants to know everything about me and we seem to mesh really well. The problem is whenever I wanna make an effort for us to see each other she always beats around the bush and is never all for it. Like I mentioned meeting her at a concert shes going to and all she says is sure but it depends how drunk i am to be capable of finding you. She says that it will honestly be hard because it will be so huge. I step it up and say that isn't the answer im looking for then thats the end of the texting and she leaves me hangin again. She says she will see me in 3 weeks for sure because of a wedding in town, but I have trouble waiting that long. There has to be something there I mean she just left me for back home again today and she was the one to already be starting this text convo. But her text convos are all smack talkin and witty and the second i try to change the mood this happens. I don't mind dealing with difficult but she just plays it sooo hard I am probably starting to look desperate, but its so hard not to when its long distance.

[theatrain]

I don't mean to sound like ajerk or anything because I know you have feelings for her but if I were you'd I get away from her. Its ben a short time and already your getting attatched.

You mentioned that she just came from a long term relationship and the last thing a girl like that wants to do is be in another serious relationship. She's gonna want to be single and have fun for a while. Yeah she may kiss you and snuggle with you but there's still a part of her that probably misses the whole relationship so sometimes she just wants a little piece of relationship and then hit the road and be single and fun again

Also you say she mentioned how it may be hard to find her at the concert depending how drunk she is. Come on man. Does that sound like a girl you need? I mean if she really liked you she would try her hardest to create a favorable image of herself and sending a text that sort of implies she's a party girl lushh, well.. That doesn't exactly do it. It sounds like she doesn't exactly want to run into you there.

From what you told us it sounds like she wants to have that relationship feeling while she's with you.. Then the single life when you're not round. Like when she's with you its snugle kiss kis mmuah how cute. The she ditches you and lives it up with her friends. Hence her not wanting to run into you at the concert.

I'm sorry if I offended you, I just wanted to offer some help from my own personal experience. We all know woman are VERY strange creatures lol and sometimes we need to work together to understand them.

[Insex]

After reading your little story, I have the impression that this girl either:

(A): Is not interested in getting into another relationship (shortly after ending her last one).

(B): She has already found another guy where she lives now that she is interested into more than you.

Obviously she's just playing around with you and having a good time. But I don't think she's being very serious with you. If she were really serious about establishing a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with you, she wouldn't be this witty with you.

I say you turn the tables around and have a little fun with this girl by making her play at her own game. Just stop communicating with her right now. Phone, text messages, internet, whatever mode of communication(s) you use, drop it immediately. Act like you're not interested in her anymore. I can almost guarantee that after a while, she'll come begging to you for attention. When she does, be witty and rude to her (but in a funny way).

[tellico]

she may well be very interested in you- at least, as long as this hasn't gone on too long. But the few times that you have been together are not enough to have earned the right to invite yourself into her life. I frequently find that guys want to lay claim too quickly, and thereby kill an otherwise promising situation. And always snuggling/making out as the main attraction when you are together makes that even more likely to happen- seems to give men the impression of a relationship being much further along than it actually is in her mind. my advice is to not push and accept the fact that coming out of a long relationship means wanting to move really slow emotionally, and often means wanting to just date for a while. Remember when it was ok to go out with a guy and have it just be a date for date's sake, not a down payment on a relationship? And "just dates" are very likely to turn into a relationship if it is right, but will never go anywhere otherwise, hence the whole purpose of "dating" rather than jumping right in. If you aren't willing to do this for her, then maybe she's not for you. I see her avoidance as "back up, you're getting too pushy" rather than some covert operation to screw around behind your back- and again, she's not even "yours" yet, so it wouldn't even be "behind your back" if she wanted to screw around. Good luck!

[bart1123]

Thanks everyone, it looks like I really need to just take a step back. I just was thinking that I should really jump on this since its long distance and don't wanna lose out to someone else.

[bart1123]

She texted back finally and I made light conversation, I think I'm fine. But anyways I'm gonna skip ahead a few days of when I wanted to meet her and see a different band with some friends instead. I was thinking of telling her after the fact instead of making any plans with her. I need her to stop thinking she's got me wrapped around her finger.

[tellico]

good for you I hope things work out. Looking back over my post, I hope I didn't sound too harsh. Having been on the girl's side of the situation, I feel like this stuff needs to be said, because I wish someone had told some of my ex-interests this before things got demanding and smother-y. Sounds like you've got everything under control, which is so much more attractive! Hope it goes well, enjoy the concert

[skulltrooper]

bart, I think Theatrain nailed it on the head. Stop replying to her texting. And if you must, the onlying text you should send is "pick up phone and call". And any phone call should ONLY be used to hook up.

Step back and look at the situation(put aside your own feelings). It looks like she's just messin around being free. Dont be quick to be serious; pull away your own emotional investment, and just fool around with her too. Enjoy it for what it is.

[joker13]

Drop her and find someone around your area. She is a stupid little girl and immature.

[bart1123]

She already came back in town again and Im pretty sure it was just to see me. I was the only person she called to hang out with and she spent the night with me again. I'v been texting her less and taking much longer to reply. I told her I was going to a different concert at the same fest a few days earlier and she was pissed. I went and and showed lack of interest going with her on sat and now she says were having our official first fight.

I'm assuming your joking joker13

[joker13]

About dropping her and finding someone local no... About insulting her yes.

[bart1123]

Its not that easy, she is what I want.


"What abou moving closer to her and commuting to work?"

I have a year and a half left of college, I can't move yet. It's a little early for something like that to even get brought up considering she's still recovering from her last relationship.

[joker13]

What abou moving closer to her and commuting to work?

[torofuerte]

Originally Posted by bart1123

She already came back in town again and Im pretty sure it was just to see me. I was the only person she called to hang out with and she spent the night with me again. I'v been texting her less and taking much longer to reply. I told her I was going to a different concert at the same fest a few days earlier and she was pissed. I went and and showed lack of interest going with her on sat and now she says were having our official first fight.

I'm assuming your joking joker13

Dude, sorry if I sound too abrassive, but... wake the fuck up!!!!

How the hell do you know you are the only person she called to hang out? Let me guess, she told you so.

So what if she spent the night with you again? Do you know what she does other nights? And so what if she spent the night with you? She spent the night with you to entertain herself and satisfy this primal need of knowing a guy is gawking at her. She didn't spent the night with you because it was YOU. She did it because you were available for some chase game.

And I'm not gonna guess or ask what you guys did that night, because for all you know, it means nothing to her. I've had women giving me a night of sex just because. And I've seen women getting freaking with a friend or ex whenever they had a bad fall from their current boyfriends... and then they go back to them like if nothing had happened, and without telling them a word.

Men and women do those things, all the time. Their actions mean nothing.

Also, she got pissed at you for going to another concert because all of the sudden her always-available boy-toy is not playing according to her whims.

Stop looking at things the way you want them to be.

Look at things the way they are.

When a woman really wants to be with a man, she climbs over the Himalayans on a weekly basis if she has to.

This woman is playing games with you because you are there, available, all the time, like a toy without a personality. It makes her feel desirable. It has nothing to do with you. She is using you.

So use her. Don't assume anything romantic anymore. She has nothing for you. She never will. So use her and had a good time. And in the meantime, get out and meet other women.

And if you can't stop having romantic feelings for her, stop answering her calls, stop contacting her, stop the texting. Burn the bridges and move on.

Don't be a doorman man. If you are gonna let her play you, at least play her as well and have some fun without making any attachements. Go out and meet other women and keep your eyes open.

You are going to learn how many games people play on each other without any consideration to the fools they play with.

[bart1123]

Originally Posted by torofuerte

Dude, sorry if I sound too abrassive, but... wake the fuck up!!!!

How the hell do you know you are the only person she called to hang out? Let me guess, she told you so.

So what if she spent the night with you again? Do you know what she does other nights? And so what if she spent the night with you? She spent the night with you to entertain herself and satisfy this primal need of knowing a guy is gawking at her. She didn't spent the night with you because it was YOU. She did it because you were available for some chase game.

And I'm not gonna guess or ask what you guys did that night, because for all you know, it means nothing to her. I've had women giving me a night of sex just because. And I've seen women getting freaking with a friend or ex whenever they had a bad fall from their current boyfriends... and then they go back to them like if nothing had happened, and without telling them a word.

Men and women do those things, all the time. Their actions mean nothing.

Also, she got pissed at you for going to another concert because all of the sudden her always-available boy-toy is not playing according to her whims.

Stop looking at things the way you want them to be.

Look at things the way they are.

When a woman really wants to be with a man, she climbs over the Himalayans on a weekly basis if she has to.

This woman is playing games with you because you are there, available, all the time, like a toy without a personality. It makes her feel desirable. It has nothing to do with you. She is using you.

So use her. Don't assume anything romantic anymore. She has nothing for you. She never will. So use her and had a good time. And in the meantime, get out and meet other women.

And if you can't stop having romantic feelings for her, stop answering her calls, stop contacting her, stop the texting. Burn the bridges and move on.

Don't be a doorman man. If you are gonna let her play you, at least play her as well and have some fun without making any attachements. Go out and meet other women and keep your eyes open.

You are going to learn how many games people play on each other without any consideration to the fools they play with.

I hate hearing this, but your probably right.

The thing is when she comes into town we spend most of the night not even in a bed and just talking for hours on end. Once we finally go to bed its usually like 6 in the morning and we make out for a good hour or two holding eachother then pass out. There is nothing too much else that goes on between us physically and thats the way she has wanted it. Yes I am positive I am the reason she came into town and its not because of what she said, she wouldn't admit it when I told her that. I am really good friends with one of her friends and I know there is nothing else in this town for her for guys right now.

But now I feel like I am just giving excuses especially since she is coming into town again for a wedding in two weeks. Tonight she said were still fighting and already started pulling the conversation games again. So like I said above your probably right and I should just forget about her. I do get out a lot and always keep my eyes open, its just hard to block this one out completely already.

[torofuerte]

Man, that's even worse. You invest so much time in this and you don't get to have sex. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm a dog, but ... we are men. Fuck it if some people think this is politically incorrect.

If you are going to spend so much time and emotion in a woman, she fucking better be

1. one that's gonna have your babies and be with you even in the worst of circumstances, and never gonna give you headaches, or

2. your best friend and pal, and you spend time with her because you are best friends (read, best friend),

3. one that's fucking your brains out no strings attached, or

4. one that you go out with to the movies and stuff on a regular basis, have fun, and with whom you have sex with at least once a week (and no less than that.)

If she doesn't fit into any of this, then walk away. After a couple of dates any man should know exactly where the thing is going with the woman in question.

Life is too short, and time is gold. Don't waste either (this advise is for both men and women.)

Jesus Christ, it is terrible that you spend the entire night listening to her going yap-yap-yap until 6am in the morning. And after those hours, you are happy with a miserable hour of making up??????

When a woman wants you, she is all over you. There is nothing greater than being with a woman that likes you and loves so much that she devours you with passion to be intimate with you and to show you how much she is into you.

That's how it is. Ask any woman (any nice woman who doesn't play cruel games that is.)

You don't talk (or worse, you don't sit while she talks) all night with a woman. You have sex (or make love, chit-chat and cuddle, take your pick) all night long and go to sleep. You talk when doing things together during the day, on a date, over a cup of coffee, while cleaning the house, etc.

That night was a night wasted. You could have used that time to date another woman, be with your buddies or do something else. Of course she is happy yapping and yapping all night long; you are there to listen and for her to vent/talk/entertain herself/whatever.

You have to give more value to yourself and to your time. She is taking time and emotion from you without giving anything in return, nothing that's satisfying to you.

Give your time, emotions and $$$ where there is some return of investment. Think and believe that you are the shit, and enforce that belief by being willing to drop a woman if you are not getting what you want (so long as you are being honest and don't play with women.)

Be honest with what you want (relationship, no strings sex, whatever), put a cap on how much you want to invest from you, and don't settle for anything less.

When that happens, women begin to respect you. And when they respect you, they appreciate you.

Good luck.

[Mr. Stone]

Originally Posted by torofuerte

Dude, sorry if I sound too abrassive, but... wake the fuck up!!!!

How the hell do you know you are the only person she called to hang out? Let me guess, she told you so.

So what if she spent the night with you again? Do you know what she does other nights? And so what if she spent the night with you? She spent the night with you to entertain herself and satisfy this primal need of knowing a guy is gawking at her. She didn't spent the night with you because it was YOU. She did it because you were available for some chase game.

And I'm not gonna guess or ask what you guys did that night, because for all you know, it means nothing to her. I've had women giving me a night of sex just because. And I've seen women getting freaking with a friend or ex whenever they had a bad fall from their current boyfriends... and then they go back to them like if nothing had happened, and without telling them a word.

Men and women do those things, all the time. Their actions mean nothing.

Also, she got pissed at you for going to another concert because all of the sudden her always-available boy-toy is not playing according to her whims.

Stop looking at things the way you want them to be.

Look at things the way they are.

When a woman really wants to be with a man, she climbs over the Himalayans on a weekly basis if she has to.

This woman is playing games with you because you are there, available, all the time, like a toy without a personality. It makes her feel desirable. It has nothing to do with you. She is using you.

So use her. Don't assume anything romantic anymore. She has nothing for you. She never will. So use her and had a good time. And in the meantime, get out and meet other women.

And if you can't stop having romantic feelings for her, stop answering her calls, stop contacting her, stop the texting. Burn the bridges and move on.

Don't be a doorman man. If you are gonna let her play you, at least play her as well and have some fun without making any attachements. Go out and meet other women and keep your eyes open.

You are going to learn how many games people play on each other without any consideration to the fools they play with.

Truth hurts, but...WERD!

I had, what I thought, was a good relationship with a girl who was well over 20 hours away.

When she came home I wore her out. When she went back, she seemed "non-plussed" to really talk to me.

I found out that she was hitting it up in Ohio. I can't say I blame her. (She was stoopid hot.) But I was getting to the age that I wanted something solid.

She let me go. It sucked, but I got over it.

I know now that I was physically being used.

I can't say it sucked (she was amazing), but I had to understand where I stood with her.

She was so mad when I told her I was dating again. She hated it "all the sudden". Haha.

[bart1123]

Thanks guys I needed that.