what should i do if the girl i like has a boyfriend?

chadwick · September 13th, 2007, 10:48 AM

ok, i read some of the other forums about this situation, but mine is a little more complicated than that. I met this girl about a week ago and we just hit it off immediately, so when that meeting was done at like 10 we added each other on facebook and talked that way for like 2 hours and she invited me over to her college appt where i eventually didnt leave until 7am the next morning. The following 4 days i also spent the night and then found out that she still has a boyfriend back in her hometown. I really like this girl and I told her I did too, but as much as we like each other she says she still has feeling for her boyfriend, yet she has been sorta "blowing him off" since I've been around and that makes me feel like its gonna be me that she picks, but he is still there...I don't know how to feel. I feel like nothing could go wrong, yet nothing can go right. Should I just lose those hopes of possibly falling for her, or should I stay along for the ride? I really care for her and she knows it and said the same to me. I told her that I didn't want to fall for a girl with a boyfriend, but honestly, I think I am...and the funny thing is...I like it. Can anyone help me??

**mooshue** · September 13th, 2007, 12:02 PM

couple things, this is what happends to people when they go off to college apart from their significant other. You dont just have a handfull of people who are attractive in your small hometown, you have hundreds and hundreds who look/act way more appealing than those you grew up around.
You have to be prepared for the fact that if she is willing to fuck around on her "boyfriend" then she is going to be willing to fuck around on YOU. If she is already letting you know she is lying to her "boyfriend" then she is eventually going to be lying to YOU.
Now if you dont care and you think otherwise just keep it going as is. You are relatively young and this most likely wont be your wife, so just enjoy the time you get while you got it. If you are looking for a future mother of your kids i think you are lookin in the wrong spot.
Women are just as shady as men sometimes as you can see.

**chuckg** · September 13th, 2007, 01:11 PM

Mooshue hit it right on the head.

Ask yourself this, if you were the boyfriend in another town how would you feel?

**Hans_Rachid** · September 13th, 2007, 01:41 PM

I wonder if this boyfriend really exist...

**mooshue** · September 13th, 2007, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hans_Rachid

I wonder if this boyfriend really exist...

thats actually a scenario that i never even thought of. Great point though Hans.
Maybe there isnt really a boyfriend, and thats her way of letting guys know that she just wants to get laid without having the commitment.

**cujo-1** · September 13th, 2007, 01:56 PM

dont get 2 serious with her. your more then likely gonna be headed for a heartbreak if you do. just enjoy the time your spending with her and see were it leads very very slowly if you intend to seek something out of it other then sex!

chadwick · September 13th, 2007, 02:20 PM

whoa guys...i didn't say we had sex...all we have done is just stayed in the same bed and it may sound weird, but we just cuddled and it was really nice and i loved it just that way and yes there is a boyfriend cause i have asked her friends about him and he was down here a couple days before i met her, and he calls her all the time and leaves her messages on her phone saying how he loves her but they have only gone out for like a month. I know what you guys are saying about how would i feel if i was the guy and thats why i have been really hessitant in fact every time i tried to kiss her he kept popping into my mind and she had to make the move because i didn't want to ruin anything they had, but it feels so right...

**bigpurp** · September 13th, 2007, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chadwick

whoa guys...i didn't say we had sex...all we have done is just stayed in the same bed and it may sound weird, but we just cuddled and it was really nice and i loved it just that way and yes there is a boyfriend cause i have asked her friends about him and he was down here a couple days before i met her, and he calls her all the time and leaves her messages on her phone saying how he loves her but they have only gone out for like a month. I know what you guys are saying about how would i feel if i was the guy and thats why i have been really hessitant in fact every time i tried to kiss her he kept popping into my mind and she had to make the move because i didn't want to ruin anything they had, but it feels so right...

You're already way too deep in the friend zone, it's a lost cause.

haha but really, it's way bad karma to nail a girl with a b/f, and it WILL come back to bite you in the ass. Let her break up with him, but don't pull any shady shit until that happens.

It's just not right.

**wildstang** · September 13th, 2007, 03:22 PM

just date her and try try to refrain from sex with her if the occasion should arise and if she seems puzzled then tell her that you wouldnt want someone going out with my girlfriend putting the shoe on the other foot, and that you really do like her but the fact that she has a boyfriend allready makes it complicated. but there is nothing wrong with going out for a dinner or dancing and having a good time with her. if she really likes you and wants something further with you she will do the right thing and dump the other guy before going any further with you if she had some class! but young people do make mistakes and honestly quite a few of them! but if you really want her heart the key to getting it is by refraining from sex with her untill she is single! but by all means that dosent meen stay away from her either. just be patient and if things are ment to be you will know.

**tidalwave** · September 13th, 2007, 04:17 PM

Buy a guitar and write some plaintive love songs. You'll have other romantic prospects soon enough.

Seriously though, Mooshue said it well. Keep at an arm's length until you know for sure.

**pliny_2001** · September 13th, 2007, 04:27 PM

A boyfriend from back home when she goes to college?

Honestly - he's already out of the picture, and was the moment she bought furniture for her dorm room. It's just that all 3 of your aren't experienced enough to realize it yet. Regardless of if you came along, she's breaking up with him - the actual break-up may come sooner now rather than later, but I GUARANTEE you that was coming.

It's just the way that this story ends - trust me on this.

Fast edit: watch out for girls who want to cuddle while they mention another guy. Just read about the "ladder theory." http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Also: don't assume that I'm some kind of jaded dater - far from it. Just trying to pass on some well-earned wisdom, and telling you not to be that poor, dumb bastard on the 'friend' ladder. Good luck!

**mooshue** · September 13th, 2007, 04:43 PM

lol pliny_2001, every time i read your posts i crack up at how similar we both are.
I have had that exact view on women since i was like 17 and lost a bunch of weight and did a nice whoring quest. That ladder theory is a great website, only comical because its absoultely ture. Ive told my current girlfriend so many times about these guys who keep talking to here are talking because they want sex, no such thing as a friend of the opposite sex unless its your buddies girlfriend and you know shes off limits. But even then, you still wanna fuck her lol

True Brit · September 13th, 2007, 06:39 PM

LOL we are men its in our fucking nature LOL,if we fancy it we wanna fuck it.

**ItalianStallion** · September 14th, 2007, 02:04 AM

ur far in the friend zone..when ur in a relationship it is 50 50...part sexual n part emtional..ur bein the emotional part for her while her bf is at home...its a lost cause..dont plan on bangin her cuz shes prob loyal...ur stuck bein a friend n if thats ok wit u good..if not cut loose n go

**falconfootball** · September 14th, 2007, 02:31 AM

get over her, she's a bitch. Nuff said. Listen to some people with experience in this field. Prob not hwat you wanted to hear. And whats this about spending 4+ nights and no play? Sorry but it's time you go all in and do it, or fold your cards and move on to another hand (girl)

**number1point** · September 14th, 2007, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tidalwave

Buy a guitar and write some plaintive love songs. You'll have other romantic prospects soon enough.

Seriously though, Mooshue said it well. Keep at an arm's length until you know for sure.

haha werd up to that....ive never been in this situation bro...but the guitar thing works..ive been with my girl for 2 years now....and somethin she still remembers was when we were first talkin...i was on the phone with her and played her john mayer clarity and your body is a wonderland....she fell in love with me playin guitar..then eventually lowered her standards and fell for me...ha...who would have thought a meat head could get a super model...pff

kinky · September 17th, 2007, 02:12 AM

set up a bear trap for the boyfriend...

Idn... I hate those situations

Gastankerdriver · September 17th, 2007, 03:11 AM

I would hang out with her, but not get too attached. She sounds indecisive; she doesn't seem to know what she wants. You should go out and see other women at the same time, but don't tell her that. If you are single, you should be trying to spend as much time around as many different women as possible. Maybe that is what she is doing--keeping her options open.

lax23576 · September 20th, 2007, 08:30 PM

i wouldnt even talk to her if i were you. what if the boyfriend was you? how would you feel? its a shitty feeling.

**pliny_2001** · September 21st, 2007, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lax23576

i wouldnt even talk to her if i were you. what if the boyfriend was you? how would you feel? its a shitty feeling.

Yes, a wise theory - because, as we know, the person we are with right now is the person we should be with forever. It is terrible to meet other people, and to see if there is a possibility that someone else is more right for us.

Similarly, we are all our brother's keeper. Because girls are so easily distracted, we must never flirt with them, on the chance that we would steal them from their current boyfriend.[/SARCASM]

I guess I just happen to disagree.