Dealing with aggressive female in the workplace

NumberOneStunner · September 25th, 2007, 04:20 PM

I have a unique situation at my job with a female co-worker who is
causing me quite a bit of grief. We work in the sales department of a
software company, and it is a very competitive environment to get promoted
to the next level of sales where the income is much greater. This creates
a lot of backstabbing as well as good natured competition, but for the first
time I have a situation dealing with the 'modern woman' who seems to play
by a different set of rules.

The girl I am talking about started at around the same time as me but is about 5 years younger. She has a fairly attractive face, but her strongest asset by far is her body.

She is very fit/tone, has fake tits (well done), wears reavealing clothing, and in my opinion flirts/teases with the males in the office to her advantage. She is constantly making remarks about her sexual prowess ('you couldn't handle it") and also frequently reminds me and other males at the same level that she "could kick your ass" (she has a black belt in taekwondo). If you get caught staring at her (and believe me when she bends down in front of you with her thong showing, you will look), she is quick to point it out ("uh..there's a drooling charge for that").

I have come across lots of alpha males in my time, but this is the first clear case of an alpha female and I have to tell you she is quite intimidating. She gets pretty much whatever she wants, all the women in the office hate her but all the men ogle her so she pretty much doesn't care about the women. I'm just curious if any others out there have experienced this in the modern workplace and if you have any advice on dealing with it.

**mooshue** · September 25th, 2007, 04:41 PM

sounds like the typical sales chick at any of the title, real estate, furniture, etc.. here in vegas. Theres nothing wrong with using what you got if it gets you what you need. Tools of the trade as they say.
I work in an office full of fat women so i dont have that issue here.

**JarheadRI** · September 25th, 2007, 06:36 PM

Just remember looks are fleeting!

Also show me a hot chick and I will show you a guy who is sick of putting up with her crap!

She is a big tease... the best thing to do is ignore her. That 9 times out of 10 really gets their goat. Even better if you can get all the guys where you work to do the same thing. That may just make her go off the deep end.

**JoeBAR** · September 25th, 2007, 06:46 PM

Here are some tool of the trade, should you need them:

Definition of sexual harassment - harassment does not have to be a prolonged series of conduct. A single act can amount to harassment. This is conduct of a sexual nature that affects the dignity of women and men at work, and can involve physical, verbal or not verbal conduct. Sexual harassment includes unwelcome behaviour such as unnecessary touching or unwanted physical conduct, suggestive remarks or other verbal abuse, leering and other sexually intimidating actions, compromising invitations, demands for sexual favours and physical assault.

You'll note that she can use these to her advantage too, since all of you start drooling whenever she bends down, so watch your back, and don't say you not been warned

NumberOneStunner · September 25th, 2007, 07:49 PM

Jar-

I wish it were that easy. While there are a few of us who are sick of her crap, the line of hard-ons outside her cubicle waiting to put up with her crap is much longer. Her looks may fade but not soon enough for me:-)

Thanks for the advice on ignoring, although it is hard to do.

NumberOneStunner · September 25th, 2007, 07:59 PM

Good advice JoeBAR. She is exactly the type of person in my opinion who would tease men to the point of crossing the line and then crying 'sexual harassment'. The subject has come up,btw, when another female pointed out to her that she could sue for harassment. Little Miss Tease's response was basically "If anyone harassed me, I would just kick his teeth out (remember, she's a black belt)". When someone laughed at this response, she basically stated that she has done it before.

Jake15 · September 25th, 2007, 08:30 PM

well you could have sex with her. that might seriously work. and than like threaten to tell everyone. i know its blackmailing but if its backstabbing and shes using an unfair advantage you couldnt possibly use, ever, than its worth it.

**johnny_on_the_spot** · September 25th, 2007, 10:09 PM

a) people who sue a company for sexual harrasement become virtually unhirable afterwards because no other company wants the same thing to happen to them. and on top of that, the settlements they receive are not large enough to live off of for prolonged periods of time.

b) she kicks in your teeth - thats aggravated assault, unless you were physically threatening her - she would get canned, it would be a major red mark on a resume, and you could file a lawsuit against her for time of work missed, pain and suffering, and humiliation

**Carnitas** · September 26th, 2007, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mooshue

sounds like the typical sales chick at any of the title, real estate, furniture, etc.. here in vegas. Theres nothing wrong with using what you got if it gets you what you need. Tools of the trade as they say.
I work in an office full of fat women so i dont have that issue here.

Unless you have a guy with a fat girl fetish coming in, then your in trouble.

**JoeBAR** · September 26th, 2007, 03:14 AM

Anyone can sue this girl for harassment considering her behavior.
She cannot use her martial arts knowledge outside a dojo, doing so would keep her out of professional training for life, not to mention the legal and professional troubles already mentioed.

**tidalwave** · September 26th, 2007, 10:34 AM

Good advice here.

My slight addition would be to document (in a dated journal or something) all of the encounters with her that might be considered to be harassment. If she ever crossed the line, those notes may be grounds to toss her out, or at least scare her into professionalism.

BTW, the 'black belt' stuff is amusing. Those threats just show how insecure she is, not to mention false confidence her ability. Seriously.. I can tell you how many 'black belts' I've sparred with who couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag.. She may be an exception, but I don't think your teeth are in much danger.

One can only hope that karma intercedes and she gets placed under some old battle-ax lady or a very sassy gay man who won't put up with her shyt. =P

**pliny_2001** · September 26th, 2007, 11:28 AM

Fun thread, tidalwave's right on all of his points.

Anyone who actually mentions that they are a black belt practically guarantees that the biggest danger they present is to themselves, when they attempt a kick without warming up.

As long as you don't become overtly sexual towards the Ms., then the only danger of sexual harassment is her against you. Journals have some use for this (don't be a jackass and mention/make it obvious that you're keeping one).

Just my $.02, though - suck it up and stop complaining. We all have people in the office who make life difficult. This type of annoying woman - along with tons of other gals and guys - are f'ing everywhere. Just deal with it, beat her numbers, and move on. And for the record, I could simultaneously "handle it," put her in her place, and refrain from drooling. And probably make her self-conscious about the flaws that she's afraid others will notice.

**orientalkid** · September 26th, 2007, 11:48 AM

let me tell you man, any competition is unhealthy, thats why i always advocate NOT working with friends or ppl love. During work, u try to survie and prevent being backstab (or backstab to get wat u want), then after work u hang out with ur fren and loves one. Thats how life is here......if u are in the executive level or office professional. I mean if u want an easy and simple life, u wouldnt even care in the first plcae, no. The only thing u think about is whether how are u gonna f*** that b**** real good (and i mean it literally).

**orientalkid** · September 26th, 2007, 11:50 AM

Uh btw, she can have a black belt for all i care. Seriously, if she never fight (and i mean fight in the real life cases), she anint kicking no ass. I mean it. She wouldnt survive against an aggressive man or attacker, most women cant, so that shit about black belt mean nothing

**JarheadRI** · September 26th, 2007, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pliny_2001

Fun thread, tidalwave's right on all of his points.

Anyone who actually mentions that they are a black belt practically guarantees that the biggest danger they present is to themselves, when they attempt a kick without warming up.

As long as you don't become overtly sexual towards the Ms., then the only danger of sexual harassment is her against you. Journals have some use for this (don't be a jackass and mention/make it obvious that you're keeping one).

Just my $.02, though - suck it up and stop complaining. We all have people in the office who make life difficult. This type of annoying woman - along with tons of other gals and guys - are f'ing everywhere. Just deal with it, beat her numbers, and move on. And for the record, I could simultaneously "handle it," put her in her place, and refrain from drooling. And probably make her self-conscious about the flaws that she's afraid others will notice.

This is all right on. I am assuming that the original poster is realtively young, say younger than 25. You have crappy people you work with and you will ALWAYS have shitheads. I have a bitch that I work with that the male boss loves and she makes everyone's life miserable. It is just something you have to put up with.

I like the response of making her feel more insecure. That is what I was going with about the ignoring part. She is eating the attention up and that is her strength. Sort of like a vampire. Another thing you can do is befriend another female co-worker who may not be as attractive per say. That usually drives em nuts too. The other is true too... if there is a younger MORE attractive gal that really gets em. I am doing that in my place now. We just hired a 24 year old former gymnast with a rocking body and I talk to her. It drives the other harpy up the wall.

NumberOneStunner · September 26th, 2007, 03:11 PM

This is helpful to hear other's perspective. The responses seem to run the gamut from 'fuck her brains out' to 'sue her for sexual harassment'. I don't think either of those two extremes will work.

As much as I would love tangling with her in the sack, I think this would only add gas to the fire and I think she is more inclined to sleep her way up the chain rather than sideways. She sees me as the competition to be overcome, so I think advancing on her would only feed her ego more. Regarding building a case for sexual harassment against her, I think that would be messy as well. For one thing, who wants to be known as the poster boy for sexual harassment for males? Similarly with challenging her martial arts skills. I asked around to a guy who's son goes to her same dojo about her reputation there, and he said that she is well known for both the same flirting behavior and unfortunately for being a badass. She is at the point apparently where she doesn't even spar with the women and has humiliated a couple of male black belt's, AND did demonstrate her skills in a bar once by beating a buy to a pulp. Damn - adds insult to injury to know that despite having 50 lbs and 5 years on her, she probably would kick my ass.

I like some of the good advice offered in the thread and think it will be helpful in maintaining perspective. Thanks to all and keep them coming. For now I'm going to pursue the high road and try to ignore her while looking for ways to make her insecure.

**JoeBAR** · September 26th, 2007, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NumberOneStunner

For one thing, who wants to be known as the poster boy for sexual harassment for males?

This is exactly what is wrong in today's society.

I tell you something: given a chance, I fuckin would. Better be the one to nail her for it than the one she'll one day remove from her way using this as an excuse. As for 'martial arts' prowness, people often talk a lot. it's quite easy to take a guy down, no matter how big he is. Weight ratio doesn't really matter, height doesn't matter much either. after all, we can bent down from 1/2 way up if you take my meaning...

DarrylC · September 26th, 2007, 04:07 PM

Hi,

My two cents.

People seeking attention really hate to be ignored. If you ignore them they tend to be intrigued that you are not a dog with its tongue hanging out all hot for her.

Ignore her and be as nice as you can to all in the office and you will get ahead. Good looks will get you in the door but not keep you there.

Lots of luck

**johnny_on_the_spot** · September 26th, 2007, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnny_on_the_spot

a) people who sue a company for sexual harrasement become virtually unhirable afterwards because no other company wants the same thing to happen to them. and on top of that, the settlements they receive are not large enough to live off of for prolonged periods of time.

may i reiterate... this goes for men as well as women - you should never think about a lawsuit for sexual harrasement unless you have a "loaded gun" of evidence and you can get more then a 7 figure settlement because anything less then that is not worth the hassle. you might make a few bucks, but you would be virtually banished from most forms of office jobs because no company will hire you if they find out you were in a sexual harrasement case (even though legally they cant discriminate, their is always a candidate that is more qualified being interviewed)

**JoeBAR** · September 26th, 2007, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnny_on_the_spot

may i reiterate... this goes for men as well as women - you should never think about a lawsuit for sexual harrasement unless you have a "loaded gun" of evidence and you can get more then a 7 figure settlement because anything less then that is not worth the hassle. you might make a few bucks, but you would be virtually banished from most forms of office jobs because no company will hire you if they find out you were in a sexual harrasement case (even though legally they cant discriminate, their is always a candidate that is more qualified being interviewed)

You don't sue a company for sexual harassment, you report a badly behaving colleague. No court, just a disciplinary, and a dismissal.