Once a cheater always a cheater?

tankdude · October 28th, 2007, 11:01 PM

"Once a cheater, always a cheater...."
Please share if you think this saying is true or not.
Post any opinions, stories, or anything your little heart desires, open this up to a big conversation.

**johnny_on_the_spot** · October 28th, 2007, 11:07 PM

anyone can change...

**pliny_2001** · October 28th, 2007, 11:31 PM

You know how an overweight person can slim down and muscle up for a few years, but then eventually gain the weight back because it's tough to break bad habits? But then there are a few people who - for whatever reason - can make the new lifestyle stick?

Same thing. (I'd break up with a girl who cheated on me, but it's not a deal-killer if she cheated on a previous boyfriend. If she made a habit of it, though -- proceed with caution).

**butch517** · October 28th, 2007, 11:40 PM

all women are liars and will get away with what they know they can get away with...eventually they all go that way. the ones that will look you in the eye and you know they haven't lied or cheated are VERY few and far between. I think we call them grandparents now a days or something cause they don't make those type of people anymore.

yes, i've pretty much lost all faith in women. some are good to look at and NOTHING else...

**wildstang** · October 29th, 2007, 01:18 AM

no i honestly believe a person can change eventually. but at the exspense of a few broken hearts usually, just sucks! when your one of the broken hearts is all......but it will happen to the majority of people sooner or later.

**tellico** · October 29th, 2007, 08:25 AM

my experience says yes, once a cheater, always prone to cheat. Goes right along with "if you can steal him from someone else, someone can steal him from you."

There are honest women. Just like I know there are honest men. My theory is that once you get past the age of 22-23, though, 99% of them are married, leaving very few to be found for the rest of us. and the singles we meet now (after about 25) are more often than not single-again, due to a cheater history ("but I swear I'll never do that again").

The more someone comes into a new relationship cheater-hating, or suspicious of your honest actions, the more likely you are to find out in a few months that they themselves have cheated!

i am jovian · October 29th, 2007, 08:43 AM

i believe that women(and men )cheat because of self estem issues.the more men(or women)they bed the better they feel about themselves.i personally could not stay with a cheater.trust means that much to me.i run to my wife with the worst news and the best news,if she cheated,that would all be ruined.

**gunshowbabe** · October 29th, 2007, 09:25 AM

I believe that a cheater is not always a cheater; if that person finds a person that they truly have chemistry with and truly have feelings for they will not even consider it. Even the most loyal person will look the other way if they are not happy in a relationship. If a man isn't willing to make me happy I do believe there is someone out there that will... I wouldn't go out and cheat on the person but I'm not willing to settle in a relationship that is making me miserable. It just depends on how genuine the feelings are... So I hear that my now fiancé has cheated a good bit before me, I think he has, he seems to have those prowling eyes, but I do believe that he loves me and I do believe that he is loyal to me. I feel that we have something special so I am willing to take that chance. He’ll definitely regret it if he does : ) but I'm not going to live my life scared that I'm going to be cheated on... That's what life is, full of disappointments and achievements... and there is only one way to find out. You can’t label someone like that, everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes that is the only way some people will learn.

**tidalwave** · October 29th, 2007, 10:16 AM

Oh, damn, this is in the "Relationships & Sex" forum.. I thought we had some strict dieters in here!

**varbo** · October 29th, 2007, 10:42 AM

I don't believe if someone cheats they are always going to. some people are like that though. some people get in to a serious relationship too young and and up cheating once their eyes are opened up to the bigger world or when they find the person that they were really meant to be with. Others cheat because of the thrill of having something they can't have or because they are just slutty. those are the ones you have to worry about. That being said, they can change once they realize that their lifestyle is counterproductive.

**pliny_2001** · October 29th, 2007, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tellico

There are honest women. Just like I know there are honest men. My theory is that once you get past the age of 22-23, though, 99% of them are married, leaving very few to be found for the rest of us. and the singles we meet now (after about 25) are more often than not single-again, due to a cheater history ("but I swear I'll never do that again").

Yeah - dating in the second half of your 20's is vastly different than the first half. I honestly believe that (for me at least) being married at 23 would be a horrific disaster, filled with thrown plates, crying, and the slowly creeping realization that I got married too young (I'm not married, btw, so no worries).

That said, though, when you start looking around at alot of the people your age who fit your LTR criteria, you have a whole new slowly creeping realization that there's often a reason that everyone at the table's still single - I can't say that it's due to all of them either being cheaters, or horrifically angry at an entire gender who once cheated on them (and I'm looking at you, butch517

), but it's pretty easy to find some major flaws.

It seems like while "just dating" is impossibly easy - it seems like I can practically do dates 1-6 without even waking up my brain - it's impossibly hard to actually find someone worth taking on dates 7+, so it puts on way too much pressure when you actually do.

Wow - I just opened up to people

- that's not something that happens every day.

**gunshowbabe** · October 29th, 2007, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tellico

my experience says yes, once a cheater, always prone to cheat. Goes right along with "if you can steal him from someone else, someone can steal him from you."

There are honest women. Just like I know there are honest men. My theory is that once you get past the age of 22-23, though, 99% of them are married, leaving very few to be found for the rest of us. and the singles we meet now (after about 25) are more often than not single-again, due to a cheater history ("but I swear I'll never do that again").

The more someone comes into a new relationship cheater-hating, or suspicious of your honest actions, the more likely you are to find out in a few months that they themselves have cheated!

I think once you get past about age 23 you start looking at things differently... but not due to "cheater history"... I think at that age I simply started thinking more about myself and where I wanted to be in my life. I knew that I wanted to buy a house etc., things with my life... So I have to disagree with your theory about most of them at that age are not able to maintain a relationship. Really most women are waiting longer to get married. They are becoming more independant and refusing to rely on a man... blah blah blah.. Sure you have those that are horrible at relationships, but I can't help but ask myself why in the heck some people decide to get married so young, some even out of highschool!? To each their own though.. I do agree that a person that is more paranoid about being cheated on is because they have done it themselves... but it doesn't mean everybody does it, therefore I still believe that cheaters can change.

**angelfaces** · October 29th, 2007, 12:28 PM

Now there's a questions with a billion answers! Of course if you ask it generally there is no one answer, and no the saying isn't true for everyone but is for some(I voted can change, because I think the majority can and do). Everything always depends on a person and every one person is different from another.

Firstly define 'cheating', what exactly is cheating? Is it lying? or having sex with a person while in a relationship with another? People do change with age thats a fact, just like as babies you have to learn to eat talk and walk, then you go to school and learn the alphabet etc, but on the same note being with someone else and 'cheating' is on a whole different level in some ways.

It all depends on a persons personality and character too, some people just enjoy or need sex more than their partner does, others just enjoy the thrill of getting away with anything, some r just cruel and enjoy hurting others feelings,others not so much want their cake and eat it but want two cakes altogether, others just have more interest in the opposite sex, while some just aren't capable of and some never do settle down into a committed relationship, just the way i'll never master physics, tho I might, again very unlikely! Some people also mature with age in some things and on other remain the same.

I can go on and on here so won't waste my breath cos it's a complex question with unlmited answers, but yes people can and do change and again if your talking about a relationship alot depends on if someone is actually in love and or happy with the other person, because if they are then it's a whole different answer to if they are just 'together'.

**angelfaces** · October 29th, 2007, 12:56 PM

Every persons individual personality and character also has alot to do with it.
Again the definition of 'cheating' is different for everyone. I myself don't take my partner(or ex or future partner in this case) having sex with another woman as 'cheating', for me personally him cheating would be if he were 'dating' or 'close(fond)' in a non-physical way with another woman asides from me, if it were a purely physical thing as in just sex(only with a stranger) then I have no problem with that at all and in fact found it exciting.
On the contrary note I myself would never 'physically' be with another man if I am in a relationship with someone, if for some reason I was not happy with him or felt a strong attraction to another I would address my relationship with him but if I were just plain miserable with him i'd leave, and only then could I contemplate being with another. For me personally i'd call that 'cheating' on my part. From personal experience i've never had sex with another man while with someone but I have kissed another and only once and I have to admit I did feel like i'd 'cheated' and felt terrble, whether I was happy with him or not is beyond the question, I was with him at the time therefore should not have. Thats another thing about age, i'm alot maturer now than I was and so know more about what I want and what I don't, personally speaking the kiss 'cheating' is something i'd never do again if I did it wouldn't be while I was with someone, never, i'd leave him first, hehehe.
He however if he were just very fond of sex and 'variety' excited him than I have no problem with that, if he saw another woman for example and wanted a sexual encounter with her purely on a physical level i'd b okay with that, I personally believe when you love someone and they you then your the person they should feel free to express their fantasies to.
What I would define as 'cheating' would be if he had sex with someone else and didn't tell me about it, or if he had sex with someone we or he knew, or if he continued to have sex with the same woman more than twice or so that to me would indicate his feelings(not his testorone) were involved therefore 'cheating' and if a guy ever cheated on me there are 'no exceptions', i'd leave him. Period.
Again my point being that every person for themselves because some or most women believe that a man having sex with another woman makes him a 'cheat' I however don't belive sex defines a relationship so again the point being that it's all about 'compatibilitiy'.
what's that saying again - "one mans bread is another mans poison"!

**theatrain** · October 29th, 2007, 01:22 PM

All I was trying to say was many people believe its their fault
and before you give up, just make sure you put your all into it
and didn't just give up. Cause then you're always left questioning

"What if?" and so on.

**angelfaces** · October 29th, 2007, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butch517

all women are liars and will get away with what they know they can get away with...eventually they all go that way. the ones that will look you in the eye and you know they haven't lied or cheated are VERY few and far between. I think we call them grandparents now a days or something cause they don't make those type of people anymore.

yes, i've pretty much lost all faith in women. some are good to look at and NOTHING else...

Now here's a man who's been stung, and pretty badly at that. Become judgemental have we?? I suppose u know the entire population of billions of women personally too.
Keep on looking at them buddy cos with that attitude unlikely you'll b doing anything else unless you paid for it

!

**gunshowbabe** · October 29th, 2007, 02:14 PM

hmmm.... All I can say is that you can't go into a relationship thinking it's going to fail... I'll have to agree with the point Angel is trying to make...as far as "that's not the way you will find it".. And not all women are liars buddy.

**angelfaces** · October 29th, 2007, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theatrain

I don't think anyone has the answer to this question. I don't know who really does. When we are in love we hope and pray the person can change but repeated mistakes make our faith fail, I think if you love a person you always have that bit of hope maybe she won't do it again.. Maybe this time is different, she probably was just mad at me he means nothing she really loves me.

Its happening right now to me and its almost like my heart has fallen into my stomach and my stomach turned into a blender and just blended up my heart into zillions of pieces. I literally have become physically sick and thrown up.

I blame myself sometimes because whenever we got angry and broke up I would go find some 1 night stand and she would wait faithfully. She herself was not innocent I'm not gonna get into this tho

I'm sorry if I sound stupid or something or if I sound like a softy w.e I just hope maybe someonee else who reads the forums if they dealt with this maybe they feel better knowing they are not the only one, its very embaraasing feeling. Its disgusting it makes u feel stupid like everyone knows and looks at you like "why would he take her back".

Sometimes you don't know who to talk to, or who to trust anymore. Like this post mabe some people will laugh at me but it feels better to just say this happened because you get it off your chest, and if anyone is going thru this or needs advice or can offer advice feel free to private message me we can talk thru that or ill give u my aim.

If someone is doing this to you though and you reallly love them. Try with all of your heart fo fix it and make sure you give it your all, that way if he or she leaves and is with someone else you can honestly say you gave it your all and there was no way it was ur fault. Maybe that way it wll bee easier on ur mind something was wrong with them, not you

Ok so u posted this on a public forum an seeing as i'm a member of the public

i'll give u my opinion and advice on this take or leave it,disagree or not.

No offence or any disrespect to you buddy but seriously wtf r u talkin about

now I don't know your relationship situation so i'll go purely on what you've just said, and one of the basic principles it requires to be in a committed satisfying relationship with someone, is RESPECT, which sadly it sounds like is non-existant in yours.
First of all you can forget that nonsense of 'hoping' and 'praying' for things to get better and start respecting yourself and stop being a doormat then she'll have nothing to walk all over. What r u a masochist? Geeez!
You say you go out and have a 1nite stand everytime u brokeup, that itself shows alot of immaturity and lack of self respect so i'd try working on that if I were you, if you actually enjoy this turbulant aggravating type of relationship then fine but if your actually getting physically sick over it then unless vomit turns u on u seriously got emotional issues dude so deal with them and quit all this 'i love her' crap.
Likewise if she cheats on you and continues then y r u with her?? It's continueing so u can stop that 'hoping' for things to change, again if you don't respect urself unlikely she will either.
Seriously tho this sounds like one seriously messed up relationship, my personal advice would be to end it immediatly, if she cheats and its unacceptable to you to the point that it makes you sick then forget love cos ur just not compatible, either that or you've both some serious maturing to do and need to learn how to appreciate each other which is highly unlikely to happen without change.
My advice is end it, take some timeout some distance from her, do some learning to respect yourself, and set yourself and your relationship some standards draw a line.
Bascially stop kidding yourself, cos if she's f''king other people and its making you sick and she's continuing it then she's got zero respect for you or herself, not that your any better.
Again all i'm trying to say here is - Wake up and smell the coffee!