Brotherly Love

sexy69 · November 13th, 2007, 03:54 PM

Hi every one.

This is my first post with EF, and wanted to get a fair opinion of the situation that I an in right now.

I have been married for almost 5 years now and just recently moved into my second home. I also have a two year old daughter.

Now me and my wife have been arguing for about week now. here is why;

My brother told me that he had lost his job, and now he and his wife are in some financial trouble. Now my brother is the type of person to jumb from job to job when things get tough. Now him being a liscened plumber it's easy for him to find work. It's just this time it is taking a lot longer to find work and there debts are piling up. He has come to me for help again. Now I have helped him out in the past by finding ther jobs or giving money with out asking for it in return.

Well this time I decided in stead of giving him money that I would tell him and his wife to move in with us so they could get there debts payed off. I presented this to my wife, and she totaly flipped out. She said I am wasting my time helping him, and he will never smarten up. I agree with her a little, but seeing how it's my brother I can't just walk away from him plus they have no one else to to turn too. I tried to explain to her that we went through the same thing, and my parents helped us. I figuered since they can't go to my parents any more they could come to us.

My question is am I wasting my time with him or should I do what ever I can becasue he is my brother?

Your thoughts are really needed.

Thanks
Big B

**gunshowbabe** · November 13th, 2007, 04:45 PM

Hmmm.. well to start, it was very very very nice of you to go to your wife and come to an agreement before you proposed that idea to your bother.. Job well done, you just possibly spared your life!

Now, I know this is your brother, but if it's going to cause problems between you and your wife, do you really want that? I mean, from the sounds of it, you pretty much agree with your wife that your brother will never change.. you just WANT to help him becuase he is your brother. I'm sure there are other ways you can help, but if you keep lending your brother a hand he will never learn from his mistakes. Also, lending him a hand can also consist of offering advice... not necessarily offering up your home. Many people go through financial troubles and many many couples have problems or even divorce over financial trouble... but it doesn't have to be your brother's finances that should get in the middle of your relationship. I'm sure if you calmly keep trying to settle this with your wife you will both be able to understand eachother's perspectives and maybe come up with a better idea. Good luck..

seadawgie · November 13th, 2007, 05:43 PM

Well sir, you are in a tough situation. Him moving can ruin your own relation. I think I would hand him some money and push him to get a job. You have to think of yourself, your wife and brother all at once.
I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I had worked with UPS and saved boocoo bucks. The wife wanted me to quit because she did not like the hours. I had also made about six figures with stocks and that made her even more gun ho for me to quit. I told her I didn't want to until I found another job. Arguement after arguement about my job. Finally, I had had enough. She assured me she made enough money to take care of us. I still argued my job was the more secured job and she should quit.
I had spent $30,000 in cash I had. I had spent $54,000 from a 401k. I had spent $40,000 in stocks. And during that time I amounted to $25,000 in credit card debt that I took with me after she kicked me out for not having a job. To top that off I owed money from withdrawing a 401k .
After telling me to quit my job, she kicked me out because I didn't have a job.
As hateful as she is, but she got laid off the job that was going to give her the moon.
Do what's best for yourself and make your own decision that you have to live with and be happy with! That is my advice.

**mooshue** · November 14th, 2007, 12:27 PM

my brother does the same thing and my parents tell me in confidence that they are sick of bailing him out and he needs to grow up. Hes nearly 30 now and still jumps from crap job to crap job, refuses to live on any kind of budget and party his ass off. Ive tried to help him in other ways instead of giving money or home etc.. but he just hasn't taken it. Ive tried to set him up with a financial advisor to design a budget for him, i've offered to get him the treatment for smokers to help quit smoking, shit thats nearly $5 a pack every 2 days, nope didn't want that.
He is my brother and i love him and want him to have the best in life but i cant help him grow up, if he hasn't done it by now i just have to sit back and be there for him where i can but not hand him anything.
As far as moving in, my ex tried the same crap with her parents, moving them in for a month until they could find work, 6 months later no work and we ended up buying them a condo to get em the fuck out. I hated her for that. It will destroy your family because your wife doesn't feel the same as you, its not her family and you shouldn't expect her to.

sexy69 · November 14th, 2007, 01:14 PM

Thanks every one for the great advice. You all have given al ot to think about. I knew i turned to the right place.

sexy69 · November 14th, 2007, 01:15 PM

Thanks every one for the great advice! You have all given me a lot to think about. I knew I turned to the right place.

Richard · November 14th, 2007, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexy69

Hi every one.

This is my first post with EF, and wanted to get a fair opinion of the situation that I an in right now.

I have been married for almost 5 years now and just recently moved into my second home. I also have a two year old daughter.

Now me and my wife have been arguing for about week now. here is why;

My brother told me that he had lost his job, and now he and his wife are in some financial trouble. Now my brother is the type of person to jumb from job to job when things get tough. Now him being a liscened plumber it's easy for him to find work. It's just this time it is taking a lot longer to find work and there debts are piling up. He has come to me for help again. Now I have helped him out in the past by finding ther jobs or giving money with out asking for it in return.

Well this time I decided in stead of giving him money that I would tell him and his wife to move in with us so they could get there debts payed off. I presented this to my wife, and she totaly flipped out. She said I am wasting my time helping him, and he will never smarten up. I agree with her a little, but seeing how it's my brother I can't just walk away from him plus they have no one else to to turn too. I tried to explain to her that we went through the same thing, and my parents helped us. I figuered since they can't go to my parents any more they could come to us.

My question is am I wasting my time with him or should I do what ever I can becasue he is my brother?

Your thoughts are really needed.

Thanks
Big B

Blood is thicker than water.

Thats all i've got to say!

seadawgie · November 14th, 2007, 06:15 PM

Well, I don't know the price of psychiatrict care. I am reasonable, I charge double the normal price because I am a know it all. The ex-wife gets charged half price since she has a half of brain. LOL.