Equal relationships?

[theatrain]

Do you think everything should be 50/50 down the line?

I was reading a article I can't find it, but it was about how the divorce rate
every generation seems to get higher and higher and if we look at our
grandparents they seem to still be together through all these years.

There was a point made like our grandfathers treated our grandmothers
very well, but made it a point to know he was the man in the relationship.

I'm not trying to sound sexist or anything I'm just wondering do you guys
think it should be 50/50 right down the line or do you think the male/female
should be slightly more dominate. Lets say 55/45 ~ 60/40ish.

Some of the girls I know they like a dominate male in the relationship because
they feel more protected and they like the idea of having a "big strong male"
and they don't like guys who are pushovers who let them walk all over them.


Also if anyone has the article or has read it before please link to it, because i
have been looking for it and I cant find it.

[wildstang]

im game for equallity but on certain decisions of safety iissues if i feel hers are compromising it idd have to say i would step on her toes just do to the fact of my knowledge dealing with the scum of this world in the millitary and as a civilian working as a police officer for many years before switching to a lower impact job that dosent require me in harms way daily at her request. everybody needs to compromise somewere in a relationship.

[theatrain]

Yeah thats true

When I say some female friends gave me opinions that they like a more dominate man in the relationship, I have a feeling this is because the girls I talk to and me we're still at a younger age and girls who are in their late teens early twenties are more prone to play games and test their limits with guys they are dating so maybe they like a guy who doesn't stand for there games.

I'm sure everything is better when its more so 100% equal when you get older like to a marriage type relationship.

[Rock36]

It doesn't have to be 50/50 straight down the middle, but it should definitely be balanced.

I don't think dominating the relationship because I am a man is a good thing. There are certain things I bring to my current relationship that my girlfriend can't do or isn't good at, and there are things/roles my girlfriend takes up because those are her strengths or I am not suited to them. Those contributions aren't necessarily the traditional, I make the money, she cleans the house kind of contributions either.

Balance is the key, and as long as you are both contributing an equal effort (not necessarily equal tasks) to the relationship then things should be solid.

[varbo]

Divorce rate could be going up because of attitude too. when our grandparents were young, divorce wasn't an option. now a days people think, no problem, I can always get a divorce if it doesn't work out. once things start falling apart they give up. I know that my parents looked like they were on the verge of divorce when I was younger but they fought through. people just don't do that these days.

[gunshowbabe]

Originally Posted by Rock36

It doesn't have to be 50/50 straight down the middle, but it should definitely be balanced.

I don't think dominating the relationship because I am a man is a good thing. There are certain things I bring to my current relationship that my girlfriend can't do or isn't good at, and there are things/roles my girlfriend takes up because those are her strengths or I am not suited to them. Those contributions aren't necessarily the traditional, I make the money, she cleans the house kind of contributions either.

Balance is the key, and as long as you are both contributing an equal effort (not necessarily equal tasks) to the relationship then things should be solid.

I agree with Rock, a relationship should be balanced based on each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I don't necessarily want a guy to completely tell me what to do and expect me to wash dishes and cook, in fact I hate being told what to do... and I try not to be that way to my fiancé. In our relationship we both work and we both help out with laundry, cooking, and dishes. Of course, he will come up to me on things that I know a good deal about and vice versa. If I got into any kind of trouble it is nice to know that he is there to protect me... and hell, I'll put a beat down on anyone that tried to hurt him too (even though It probably wouldn't help any).... In my opinion, most girls like that sense of security. The man is supposed to be tougher but he's not supposed to be smarter or put up on a pedestal.

As far as why relationships lasted longer back in the day, I agree with varbo, people's mindsets have changed and we give up too easily. My fiance and I have gone through some times and we always manage to keep going and our relationship has become stronger and more commited, I think people don't realize that things can get better sometimes (depending on the situation and how devoted both are in making things work)... Either way, it could also be that the women were always inferior and dependant of their husbands too, in a way afraid to leave their asses! lol

[JarheadRI]

The wife and I have the perfect relationship! She tells me exactly what to do and I completely ignore her and vice versa!

[gunshowbabe]

haha ^^^^^^^

[sexy69]

I come from a very strong Italian tradition, and even though the male was the dominate one everything was always split 50/50 between my parents.

I agree that a lot of woman want to feel prtected from there man, but I am sure at the same time woman would want the relationship to be 50/50.

I beleive that one of the many keys of having a strong relationship is having it 50/50. With every thing... Money and private life.

In Italian tradition back in the day it was frowned upon, and a lot of the time most got married to get out of the house and have freedom. Now a days the word "Divorce" has been diluted like the word "Love" So it's no big deal now a days!

[Gastankerdriver]

I don't know of any women who like to "dominate men" in their own personal relationships. Many seem forced to settle for a female dominated relationship because of a lack of respectable males. When it comes to an equal partnership, my wife and I look at women and men as equals. In essence, this is our ideology. Our politics and personal attitudes reflect this belief. In certain areas of our relationship, I am the leader. In other areas, my wife leads. She summed it up very succinctly by saying "a good leader must be qualified to lead, it's not a birthright, it's not a gender right." You want the best person to be leading, not the person who was born into the position or annointed by the church, or the party, etc. I tend to lead in areas like cooking, socializing, finances, health related issues, and cleaning. She leads in issues related to communication, organizing, emotional issues, petcare, sex, etc. She has read dozens of books about sex, therefore she leads in that issue. By leading, I don't mean that she is the dominatrix and I am the "bottom" all the time. It means that she is the leader in regards to sexual related issues. If I want to topple her from that pedestal, it means I need to hit the books and learn more about sex. On the other hand, I am the cooking king. If she wants to lead in regards to her diet, she needs to learn more about diet related issues. Anyway, I think you get the point. The best leader is one who is qualified. A good relationship should reflect this.

[john112364]

l'm going to bump this thread, because l think it's an issue that more people need to be aware of.

OK, here's my take:
The general concenus so far seems to be balance in a relationship. I read somewhere once that in a good relationship you will get your way about 25% of the time. Doesn't sound so good does it? That's because your partner will get his/her way about 25% of the time and you'll compromise about 50% of the time. This is how l think (in my not so humble opinion) a relationship should be. My wife and l are great compromisers. Since l started dating her 4 1/2 years ago we have never had a shouting type argument. Sure, we have arguments and we may snap at each other from time to time, but we love and respect each other enough to find a compromise (after we calm down, of course).
And if one person is better at something that their partner, that doesn't mean you shouldn't contribute, just that the one who's better should take the lead. (l think that's what gastankdriver was saying.)

That's my 2cents worth. Next.

[TXT]

I'd like to chime in on this one as well. I don't believe in 50/50 relationship per se because it sound as if each person keeps score. My take on this is as follows: The man is supposed to be the head of the household. This doesn't mean he is to dominate his wife and family and they are to cater to his every whim. The man's role is one of leadership and it is an incredible responsibility especially if there are children involved. He is to set the example not the standards. Those have already been put in place long ago. He is to love his spouse unconditionally and serve her rather than be served. She is to respond in the same manner. That's where the balance comes from. It not about who gets their way what percentage of the time. It about giving up one's self and having a servant's heart. Divorce has always been an option. It's just more prevalent in today's society because we're too self-centered and not willing to give of ourselves to others. Today it's not "What can I do for others" but rather "What's in it for me". Until that mentality changes, things in general will keep getting worse. We need to make a conscious decission to change.

[john112364]

Originally Posted by TXT

I'd like to chime in on this one as well. I don't believe in 50/50 relationship per se because it sound as if each person keeps score. My take on this is as follows: The man is supposed to be the head of the household. This doesn't mean he is to dominate his wife and family and they are to cater to his every whim. The man's role is one of leadership and it is an incredible responsibility especially if there are children involved. He is to set the example not the standards. Those have already been put in place long ago. He is to love his spouse unconditionally and serve her rather than be served. She is to respond in the same manner. That's where the balance comes from. It not about who gets their way what percentage of the time. It about giving up one's self and having a servant's heart. Divorce has always been an option. It's just more prevalent in today's society because we're too self-centered and not willing to give of ourselves to others. Today it's not "What can I do for others" but rather "What's in it for me". Until that mentality changes, things in general will keep getting worse. We need to make a conscious decission to change.

l agree with most of what you are saying. l certainly didn't mean to imply that you should keep score. (Well you were right last time and we compromised the last two times so it's my turn to be right!) l think you may have said it better when you said you should love and serve your spouse and vice versa. And sadly l must agree about divorces. We have a very "me, me, me, me" society in marriage and life in general. (Look at all the "all about me" lawsuits for instance)
That's why l feel so blessed to find a wife who is so compatable with me. We plan to be the couple that stays together til the end. (And for those who are discouraged because they can't find the right partner, it took me 38 years to find the right one. Don't settle, be sure. And hang in there!)

[Gastankerdriver]

[quote=TXT;669282]I'd like to chime in on this one as well. The man is supposed to be the head of the household. This doesn't mean he is to dominate his wife and family and they are to cater to his every whim. The man's role is one of leadership and it is an incredible responsibility especially if there are children involved.

Unfortunately, many males are not qualified to lead their own families. They are emotionally weak or immature, they know little about childcare or petcare. In New York City, women in their 20s make more money than their male counterparts. They live longer, healthier lives. I feel that being the head of the household is not a birthright or gender right. It is something that one earns through hard work, and research. If the husband has an IQ of 80 and the wife has an IQ of 130 and makes $75,000 per year, why would the husband be in charge of finances and the entire decision-making process. You have to earn your "right" to be the head of the house hold.

[kenfromco]

If everything is split 50/50, so how man`s job (e.g. to nail down) can be split?