how ignorant is too ignorant or is it all a fake?

[mt611]

I know in this world there are those who are sheltered and weren't given proper morals and there are some who are over exposed or overprotected. I want to say that I'm not trying to judge anyone. I know all people have different morals and etc when it comes to sexuality but is everyone educated in the affect of stds and emotional impact? I guess you guys might want to know where I'm going with this.
A few months ago I considered dating this girl I randomly met. She was nice, fun, and gorgeous, but.. she was never taught about the meaning in making love and what i call as a "filter" of people who were serious relationships or those who she might have claimed as boyfriends but they never claimed her back. I often try to think of peoples' motives and perhaps childhood development because all in all I'm interested in knowing people and methods. After meeting her I thought of my high school days of rumors and talks of "sluts and hoes" about both male and females. This girl I met opened my eyes. I thought just maybe some people don't have anything close to a parent or a knit family and that she had to fend for herself. She was a wonderful person and infact one of the best people I've ever met. I didn't think low of her at all but i did feel that she needed someone to guide her. I was thinking it must be a rough thing for females to grow up through adolescence without knowing how to raise a shield or wall from the guys who only want to abuse them.

My point is, is this ignorance or being naive? was this an act she put on? I know everyone has their own lifestyle but when we both started talking to each other she told me about various sexual encounters she was in randomly. I could tell from her body language to some degree she did it for attention and yet wasnt told giving of your body also means giving of emotions and soul. I asked her about questions as curious as i was. She gave me many clues as to say that she wasn't a nympho, no offense to anyone, but rather just misplaced her heart but was never told what was wrong or right in society. I guess it just perplexed me that she had goals and plenty of other ethical and moral issues but it was the fact that she didnt know what she was doing to herself. Thats the difference i see from you're average male and female "freelovers" they know what they are doing to some degree.. but what about the ones who never knew or were never taught? has anyone met people or knew people who just did not know anything before or after their decisions or taught basic beliefs?I'll leave this to discussion so i can clear up some matters of what i mean because sometimes i have 1 billion thoughts per second and sometimes they either jumble or come out incomplete.

[tooncesthecat]

Not really sure what your question is...Are you asking if this girl is a slut or if she is just the product of poor circumstances from her past? Are you wondering if you should date her, sleep with her, teach her how the future can be brighter than the past? I'm confused!

[TSF21]

Same here whats the question?

[pliny_2001]

Agree w/ the above - can you put it in a question format? Clear up those matters of what you mean b/f we weigh in, and add some particulars of your lady'friend's experiences. Right now, no one knows where to begin, but it may be an interesting topic.

[Gastankerdriver]

She sounds like an interesting person. This is very complex. I don't think you are going to get the answers you are looking for after just a couple of dates or "bull" sessions. These are some very deep emotional and psychological issues that could take years to figure out. The tone of your letter leaves me with the impression that you are thinking about her a lot and therefore desire her. I guess the next step is up to you. Do you want to continue on and move this into a more serious (committed) kind of relationship and get the opportunity to learn more about her? At some point, you might find out that she is seriously damaged goods, then you could always get rid of her. It's not like you are married yet. I have always been the type to explore. Go for it, you know. In some ways she sounds like a good communicator. She may be very expressive and open about her experiences. For those of us unused to this, it can be quite a new experience. If this is the case, she could be a good catch. Anyway, I hope I could help. Good luck.

[Rock36]

I am with the others...I am not sure what the real question is here.

That said, I'm not sure if it really answers what you are asking, but I know of at two girlfriends that I've had, who slept with someone in their past because they mistakenly thought it would lead to something more emotional fulfilling or turn into love. Sometimes even smart girls fall victim to that...it happens......

[mt611]

I don't think she's a slut but more of poor circumstances and having no one there for her. After hearing about some of her stories to some degree she wanted a reaction from me. I spoke my mind in a polite manor and told her some of the things she was subjected to wasn't right. It almost seemed like she had all marbles but one. She said the things she did and went through she was never told was right or wrong so she continued. I just think deep down inside we all know whats wrong but its our environment that allows use to further strengthen our resistances. I considered dating her. I think everyone deserves second chances, but as someone mentioned damaged goods that just cant be fixed can be a waste of time, but I see a really great person. I'm just wondering if people have this occur to them due to being sheltered or is it human nature in rationalizing and justifying our actions by blaming others and play naive. In essence though, what defines a slut? One who knows what they are doing or/and one who does not?

[sleepyles]

Well I think you sort of answered your own question, pertaining to ignorance or naïve. As you have stated she told you no one was there to tell her right from wrong so she continued, that is being more naïve than ignorant in my opinion. Also everyone does deserve a second chance, as long as the second chance proves to be positive. First, I will not respond to the rhetorical question of what is a slut, since that word/ term is demeaning to an individual. But I will ask you one question, “How do you as an individual define the term of ‘damaged goods’? Is a person that has slept with 1 person before you? Or is it 100 people? Etc.” I don’t understand why people and society in general dwell on the past, when there is nothing you can do to change it, that is why it is called the past/ history. If you appeal to the real person, and not on what people say or one’s past, what difference does it make? If you go into a relationship, and are happy together, and it works for the both of you, then all that matters is that both of you are happy. One thing everyone must realize is that life is about the choices one makes, and learning to live with those choices made (decisions). I think it doesn’t matter if one has lived a sheltered life, however, general society has “educated” individuals to blame others, instead of an individual accepting responsibility for their own actions IMO. I don’t know the history of this person, but why are you yourself being judgemental of this person stating “It almost seemed like she had all marbles but one”? Just because you don’t agree with what one person has done, doesn’t necessary, mean that person wasn’t happy, unless she told you so, then that is a different story. For all I know she can be a porn star, who knows! When you were a kid, everyone may have heard the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover!”

I will leave you with a famous quote from Socrates ~ “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing!” (sit and ponder)

PS - in no way do I mean to flame anyone, but rather play devil's advocate, and leave you with some things to think of your own.

[tooncesthecat]

I agree that it is essentially pointless to define her as a "slut" of "naive" or whatever. Point being, if you like the girl, ask her out. If that goes well, then start dating. If that goes well, exclusively date each other. It's all about living in the present and planning on the future. She may have a checkered past, but if you are willing to give her a chance (which is my interpretation of what you are saying), then it really doesn't matter since nobody can change the past. However, if she uses this as an excuse to sleep around while dating you, she's choosing her own path and should be left to her own path of despair!

[john112364]

My two cents:

I'm no head shrink, but I think a lot of people who sleep around do so because they have confused sex (especially the euphoria that follows) with love. There's also a lot of ifs involved here. Maybe she slept with the wrong guy once and it didn't work out and he started spreading "slut" rumors about her. Maybe she was abused as a child. Maybe she's not as promiscuous as you think. (After all how many is too many.) Maybe she keeps meeting the wrong guys who just use her and then disguard her as damaged good. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe...... I could go on for a while.

I agree with toonces, forget her past, drop the labels and get to know her and draw your own conclusions. Don't assume that you know where she's coming from. Go in with an open mind. If it doesn't work out, well then it doesn't work out. But if you don't follow your feelings you could miss out on someone great. (You never know)

God I feel like Dr. Phil.

[mt611]

As I expected the people in the forums are wise and unbiased. I told this story to see what opinions all of you had. This is truly an event that has occurred a long time ago and I wanted to see if the reaction from the forum was fair in comparison to what i chose and yes for the most part i went into that relationship with an open mind and more importantly an open heart. Thanks you guys once again I really wanted to know in essence if i made a decent decision at the time and wasn't falling in a deep pit of doom with out fairness and knowledge.

[SUPREME]

LMAO...he duped us into answering or commenting.

[mt611]

haha I didnt dupe you guys into commenting exactly. At the time i was wrapped in a ball of confusion. I didnt mean to put labels on her or accuse but it came out that way, infact, I had a reasonably long relationship with her. I did give her that second chance that everyone deserves if anything i gave her too many. Some may or may not know situations similar to this. When I read what a wrote many months ago... i realized it wasnt exactly me zealously going after her past but rather giving her excuses due to the fact she didnt let go of her past. The people she said she made mistakes with were still allowed to enter into her life as they pleased. He burdened me deeply to the point i blamed myself. There were times where they would call her daily and she answered even though my opinions of dislike were verbally discussed in a respectful way. Also she did them favors like drive them around and etc, but when it came to seeing me she didnt exactly want to waste gas. Eventually i blamed myself for he time being. I started to become an angry person and feeling guilty for her actions. I find that is a rough situation and i wouldnt want any of you guys or gals of the forum to be in that situation. I fought for her... i fought for us and it didnt work. She fell for traps set by her "guy friends" and jealous people and I found she cheated. I stayed for the wrong reasons... I stayed because i wanted to help her and i felt sorry for her and lost the site of loving and caring for her months later. I've lost many dear friends during my relationship with her, but I'm taking it day by day. I thought i saw a person who wanted to change and needed a small push but in the end i took in some of her insecurities, but thus is the beauty of life and chance.