Confused...

[ItalianStallion]

OK guys I usually dont have to come her for advice because frankly, the lady department isnt rly my strong point, so it was never available. However for the last 2 weeks, Ive been hangin out wit this gurl that I really liked...I wont go into details but i feel like sum info should be said. First off we went out for coffee first nite n ended up walkin around a golf course until 4am...we had our first kiss n kissin session...the next few nites we did the same thing but at another park/ back of pick up truck. It seemed like a decent starting up relationship, but niehter one of us called it that. OK so this goes on for awhile,,,Let me give you some background on her. Shes almost 26, im turnin 23 in march..she has a 4 year old kid...n she smokes the reefer. OK, so now the other nite we eneded up at her place n hung out in her bed, where stuff happened. Everything but sex, which was new to me because it was my first time, and she new that also. OK so that happens n now im thinkin to myself this is gettin serious...ive never delt wit girlfriends/ one nite stands..nething like this so i didnt kno what happens now...well the next nite we dont hang out..but nite after she calls me in morning hours to pik her up cuz shes drunk n cant drive...I say ok because im happy she called for help..but disappointed....btw i rarely drink n hate the site of drunkeness, in which she was complelty done for...
OK, so i pik her up n help her into car, wipe her off when she throws up while sittin in car, n when shes in the bathroom at her house...put her in bed..n stay the nite to make sure she was ok....now heres my dilema....I really like this gurl n think we r very close in ways we are, but completely different on other circumstances....we r at different spectrums in our lives so i felt it was not a good long term relationship. I dont kno if i can handle a gf wit a kid, because i would want to provide for both of them, just the way i was brought up...to take care of significant other n with a kid thats just more burden....i cant do that. secondly she smokes weed...ive gone all my life stayin away from that crap...ive had friends that did it, but i never wanna date or b wit a gurl that does, because its not sumtin im into....thirdly drinking...i hate drunk people n seein her that nite made me realize sumtin..i dont wanna be that guy that has to go pick her up just bcause shes drunk...n the thing that bugs me was that i think she knew she can get drunk n then call me bcause she knew i would pick her up...
Alright well with her the good times r good n i feel like it could have progressed to more "activites" but it would be unfair to her to stay n do these things witout lettin her kno that i didnt think long term this is a good idea....So last nite i told her...that we r in two different places in our lives n i think it will be best for us to be good friends...this was one of hardest thigns i ever had to do...frankly i had no idea how to do it either....My point is or question is...what do u guys think? Should i have just gone along wit it? I feel like if i did id b using her, n i would never wanna do that.is it good that i broke it off now before it got too serious? im confused n just wondering wat u guys think..u always have good advice to give n i look fwd to hearin it...thx for time sry its so long!

[wil]

I think you did the right thing.

I was... um... shall I say... female-attracting-challenged when I was in high school and college (I probably still am but luckily I found a wonderful gal and married her). It's VERY HARD to get out of something when the good times are good. The problem here was the negatives seemed pretty big. Stuff like reefer and drunkenness are things to avoid in a partner - unless you are into them as well, I guess.

Keep your chin up. The fact that you were able to spot the danger signs and take the initiative to cut things off before they progressed into something possibly worse (she could get in an accident, she could drag you into some shady situations related to the drugs, etc...) shows that you have your head on straight.

[wildstang]

i can see your dilemna. one of the hardest relationships to have is with a single parent. theres as some people call it the extra baggage. this is a tough one, it depends on what you truelly feel for this girl. the bad habits smoking weed, drinking are some bad ones to put up with. now as far as advice goes all i can say isif you do continue to see her and things progress more you better bring up the bad habits in a tactfull way asking her if she truelly needs to do those things. if she ever thought of quiting them, or can she. one of the biggest things when it comes to an alcoholic is if she denies she has a drinking problem she really does!

[varbo]

The way I see it, you don't want to get in too far if you know its doomed, especially with a single mother because you don't want to end up sticking around because you don't want to hurt the kid.

From what I read, you were right. If you don't enjoy toking and drinking and you can't stand people who do, you'll end up just getting annoyed with her.

[theatrain]

You def did the right thing. She's trouble, she's 26 and has a baby and still doesn't have her life together from the sound of it. Smokeing wed, partying, drinking. I don't mind if someone does these things but if you've got a baby there's more important things to do.

I'm only 19 so idk how qualified I am to give you relationship advice, but you sound exactly like me... like to the tee. I hate drunk girls, their annoying and loud and unnattractive, its a total turn off, and smoking weed I've never even tried it.

The girl I lost my virginity was just like the way you describe that girl. I was the nice guy she could always count on when she needed something, and when she was out partying and doing god knows what shed call me to pick her up and take her places, I was stupid enough to leave my friends house that I was staying the night at to drive 30min to pick her up.. Some guys at the house party she was at thought I wanted trouble and tried to start some. It was my first experience with a girl and she was skinny blonde with big boobs and I never had been given that kind of attention from a girl that pretty so I felt good about myself, but eventtaly I got smart and dumped her. I wish I would have saved my virginity for somebody more worth it, but that's life.

[katz7479]

u handled it like a pro u got out before it became to serious. u don't want to have to change you signifacant other.


the kid part is a gray area u being 23ish so u may already be out of college or whatever and have a decent job. so single mom wouldn't be a turn off but it wouldn't be a turn on. say u were 18 I'd tell u to run if the kid wasn't urs but don't feel responible for the kid its hers till u really get serious.

also good luck on the next gurl

[ItalianStallion]

i am 23 n actually just got kciked outta school for bad grades...ya i kno it sux n im an idiot for bein kicked out when its a lot harder to get kicked out then just be allowed to stay..but thats for another story...but ya im kinda in that crossroads of my life where i need to find wtf im gonna do wit myself n i am working fulltime as a valet while livin at home still...savin money n makin it but this isnt my lifetime goal..i plan on movin out n startin career within next few months...BUT back to the gurl...i appreciate all the advice, i thought i did the right thing...shes not a bad gurl its just that these signs r things that im not into...n i hate to be that guy who leaves because shes gotta kid but i just cant deal wit a gurl that has all this baggage at this point in my life...sure i love the kissin n good actions but i feel like i owed it to her to let her kno i didnt see it goin ne where n give up all those stuff....this was the first girl that was into me like this so it was a lot harder than just hey its over...i never had sum1 come on to me so much so to stop it was rly tough...but i think its for the best n i thank u all for the words...

[JarheadRI]

Dude that is a bad scene! Get out and stay out. There is way too much baggage in that. Pull your head out of your butt and get back to school and buckle down. It might be a good idea to take a break but not too long of one!

"If you thing education is expensive try not having one!"

[Poetickz]

i think you did the right thing...shes 26, she needs to be taking caring of herself instead of usin him to pick her up n shit. dont stress over it too much son, she'll realize she fucked up a good thing.

[ItalianStallion]

i think i did the right thing by breakin off sooner than later...i knew i wouldnt commit to her because of these issues she has so long term was outta question..i guess i could have stayed wit her now n just reaped benefits of bein in a relationship but thought it would be easier...well not easier but less harder to break it off now than later...im not the type of guy to randomly hook up wit gurls so i felt bad that if we did do stuff than i wouldnt be in it emotionally n i would be using her...i kno its lame but on myspace her status was sum mushy stuff bout bein sad n she posted a bulliten wit song lyrics that only i would kno..so i can see shes not rly happy...i guess this is just sumtin i have to deal wit...her bein sad n me lookin like the ahole...but than again why should i be the ahole? i broke it off because i didnt wanna use her...o well im just thinkin bout stuff...i feel bad that shes hurt but i feel like i did the right thing n to her the right thing isnt good...im kinda proud of myself for doin wat i did even tho it means me givin up on the first gurl to eva be infatuated wit me n her bein sad when at the end of the day i didnt think it was right to be wit her...sry guys i just need to vent, my friends have told me i did the right thing but i still just wanna hear ur opinions

[Poetickz]

yo, put it this way. makin the decision you made simply proves the point that you're standing for what you believe in, and being with her would've have corrupted your lifestyle. and im glad you decided not to do the dirty with her and lose your first time with someone who wasnt special, im proud of you. bein a virgin at 23 is a special thing because hardly anyone is anymore, no one takes it seriously. its no big deal that you havnt lost it, keep that with you until you find the right girl. matter of fact i suggest you go to a church social event or somethin and meet up with one of those girls...theres alot of hot girls that goto church, im not religious or nothin, thats just what i heard, should give it a try.

[SUPREME]

LOL...dating a broad with a rugrat is downright...aggravating. Not only do you have to take care of your woman, but you have to take care of another man's responsibility...I for one wouldn't date a chick with kid. You did the right thing by ending that. Plus she's a weedhead and you don't need that kind of woman.

[pliny_2001]

Obviously not the right girl for you.

If I could offer any advice, it would be that starting any kind of relationship right now is going to be a bad idea for you. Get a job on track, figure out what you want to do with your life, find a degree of stability -- only then should you start to think 'relationship' thoughts.

And - I mean no offense here at all - try for a girl more your speed. If you're not into party-ers, then don't go after one.

And - I also mean no offense here at all, either - just because a girl is available to you, doesn't make her the right girl.


Good luck out there.

[ItalianStallion]

ok so heres an update...the days afta i broke it off we didnt rly talk...now i wanted to talk but i didnt kno how to go back to normal when she was the one that was "hurtin" myspace status/hints showed she was unhappy wit situation...well i forgot my hat in her car the nite i broke it off..wonderful thought id never see it again...so few days lata i c her around work n she brings hat n then txts me lata askin if we can talk...i say sure call u afta work...bad cell phone reception didnt allow me to call so next day i got a msg sayin obviously u dont wanna tlak to me nemore blah blah...i didnt wanan be that guy that just stops talkin to her because i do like her but not in that bf/gf way i guess?ok so day afta that i decide that we can talk so i go to her place...we talk random shit n then go to take dog for walk before i leave...she ends up kissin me n i kiss back..im thinkin this is bad this is bad...but then i told her how i felt bout her drinkin/weed...she said she'll stop i said ok than maybe we can try again...we go inside n fool around...now im lying there thinkin wtf am i doin...exactly was pliny was saying..i need to get my head on track before i can commit to sum1 else...i need to do sum soul searchin before i can be wit her...so i told her the truth...do i think that we can be bf/gf? i dont think so but i like hangin out wit her...so i said that i cant commit to ne1 because i need to commit to myself at this point in my life...i think she wants us to just mess around n not commit to be bf/gf n im not into that whole lifestyle...im a 100 percent in or 100percent out guy no in between...she said she respects that n we worked it out...so today saw her at work n everything seemed fine...obviously its gonna be tough to go from touchy feely comments to str8 edged talkin...without that weird akwardness in it...o well i appreciate all ur advice it rly helped ease my thoughts...my few good friends all said same things n i rly rly appreciate it..thx everyone....i wish i had a gurls opinion..c what they think on the subject..ne ladies?

[wildstang]

your slowly getting sucked in. now there probably is more 2 it then you state but if continueing this relationship with her keep it slow.

[gYmgIrL]

Wow! you are one strong strong guy. I'm really proud of you for breaking it off when you did. honestly a lesser man wouldnt of. I see you talking like you're the one being selfish but its not! And i hope you dont really see it that way.

As everyone said she wasnt right for you. Of course that doesnt make breaking up any easier, but at least you can take comfort in knowing you made the right decision. Even if you wanted to make it work and tried to look after her and her child and just lived with looking after her while she was intoxicated, you knew the relationship would eventually fail which would cause you both more heartbreak.

Breaking up when you did was the most intelligent and emotionally kind thing you could have done for both of you.

Try not to torture yourself by looking at her myspace. If you can I'd stay out contact completely. You have my full support in your decision and I'm really glad that I can say I know a genuinely selfless guy i know as Italian Stallion