Heavy relationship at a young age.

tankdude · March 26th, 2008, 12:11 PM

So what is everyone's opinion on having a very seriouis relationship while being a teen, especially around the age of 18, when a hole new world starts to present itself.

I have been with a girl for a very long time, approaching 3 years. We are off doin more so our own thing at college now but continue to be together (only an hour away). its gettin to the point where out maturity differences is starting to come into effect. I am told i have the maturity of a 21 year old at age 18, and she is the seriotypical 18 freshman college girl.

So i guess after a little background on my own situation, I wanted to know what people think about being in a very serious relationship when so young. I guess i tend to look at it from time to time that eventually I will get married and be with someone for the rest of my life, never getting the true opportunity to be young and flirty.
What does everyone think? Express the good, the bad, and maybe even the ugly.

Thanks!
-Tankdude

**theatrain** · March 26th, 2008, 12:59 PM

It differs in every situation. As long as you have a realistic expectation of it and both of you want the same thing out of the relationship it can be good.

I started dating 1 girl when I was 16 and didn't have realistic expectations.. I expected I was alowed to be a dumb teenage guy and she wouldn't do the same things, there was a lot of drama, everything from counselors at school talkin to us because fighting in the hall to almost getting into physical altercation with her father. Its been a little over 2 yrs and we've had more break ups n makeups than can count on my fingers n toes. We got sick of it and sat down around early december and discussed what we should do. We agreed we wanted to be hapy and no longer be the crazy highschool couple.. Suprisingly it worked... so far, its really been great. I wish I would have given her the respect and love she deserved from day 1 and maybe she would have returned it, although no1 said she's 100% innocent.

On the other hand a friend of mine has been dating his gf since 9th grade and they are going on 5th year together. They've never cheated on each other or had SERIOUS problems. They did wait very long before getting sexually involved, I didn't, so maybe that has something to do with it? Who knows.

Some poeple think you should have fun as your young.. Get it out of your system. Your gonna settle down one day and be with 1 person, might as well flirt and have fun now.

I'm a little bit old fashioned tho. Even tho I've had my fun and made my mistakes there's a big part of me that wishes it was still like the grandparents and great grandparents days. My gparents met when they were 14 and are still together
Parents were together when they were in jr high but divorced when I was about 12 that's the mentality now days, divorce and find somebody more compatible for the time being rather than work it out cause its too stresful

**pliny_2001** · March 26th, 2008, 01:55 PM

It's a terrible idea.

**gunshowbabe** · March 26th, 2008, 01:56 PM

Honestly- I don't think they are BAD but I don't understand why someone would want to be in a serious relationship that young..? I think you should have your space and your own time to figure yourself out... 18 is really young and both of you will change a lot in the years to come anyway..besides, when will you really know what else is out there and that maybe she wasn't the right one for you.. or that she is? You will be wondering all your life..

I'm not saying this is the case in every situation, but in most cases I've seen couples that age will rush into marriage that will end up in divorce anyway... if she is the one for you - you will end up being together. It sounds like you aren't truly in love with this chick anyway or you wouldn't even be considering this... but I could be wrong?

**wildstang** · March 26th, 2008, 02:05 PM

usually what happens is one or both persons later in life feel as if their youthfull activities have been denied them because of getting into a relationship at 2 young of an age and will start to act and do things a single person would since they feel their deprived and that leeds to problems with the other spouse not wanting to deal with it and tension develops and if you cant work it out you end up single all over again wondering what the f@@K!!!!

**theatrain** · March 26th, 2008, 02:41 PM

It can be really bad

Or it can be great..

And either way its gonna be an experience that you will learn from for later relationships.

Its not like you can control it though. If you meet some girl you think is cute you don't plan on being in a long relationship with her right away. It just happens overtime. If you break up.. Shity, if not, great!

Some people however right away first sign of a serious relationship starting they back off. If you ask me that can be a terrible idea cause there could have been some really good times with that person, but they just missed out on them.

**cujo-1** · March 26th, 2008, 04:24 PM

i will add my 2 cents also. a teenager has not reached full maturity no matter what they think. that is the time of life were most mistakes are made because of that.
2 immature individuals enter into a relationship thinking oh i love you so much lets get married or move in with each other.
get a real taste of life away from mommys apron out of the home and realize what a fucked up cruel world this really is!
she changes he changes, they become 2 totally different people who then wonder what the fuck did i see in this person to fall in love with them in the first place?
thats about the harsh reality of things! sorry 4 the cussing but it helps drive the thought home!

**gunshowbabe** · March 26th, 2008, 05:00 PM

lol- I'm sure in some rare instances it works out.. but why would you want to be left wondering... What cujo said is completely my opinion too...

If you are thinking "FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?"... then, perhaps you are looking for something more....

**tooncesthecat** · March 26th, 2008, 05:02 PM

If you're having any thoughts about "maturity differences" then it's better to bail now because you are most likely heading in different directions!

**torofuerte** · March 26th, 2008, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tankdude

So what is everyone's opinion on having a very seriouis relationship while being a teen, especially around the age of 18, when a hole new world starts to present itself.

I have been with a girl for a very long time, approaching 3 years. We are off doin more so our own thing at college now but continue to be together (only an hour away). its gettin to the point where out maturity differences is starting to come into effect. I am told i have the maturity of a 21 year old at age 18, and she is the seriotypical 18 freshman college girl.

So i guess after a little background on my own situation, I wanted to know what people think about being in a very serious relationship when so young. I guess i tend to look at it from time to time that eventually I will get married and be with someone for the rest of my life, never getting the true opportunity to be young and flirty.
What does everyone think? Express the good, the bad, and maybe even the ugly.

Thanks!
-Tankdude

Dude, you should worry more about your spelling skills than about having heavy relationships. Seriously.

Now, this is my take on this. As crass as it may sound, here it is: all relationships are heavy and serious. If it's not, then let's call them for what they are - arrangements of sexual convenience (fuck arrangements, plain and simple.)

Make that distinction now that you are at a young age, keep that distinction clear in your mind always. This will save a lot of headaches, to you and to those you get involved with.

Now, focusing on relationships, just because a relationshiop is serious or heavy, that does not necessarily means it's healthy, convenient, wise or worth keeping.

I can only count two couples that I know of who started dating since HS and are still together happy, with a functional, non-psycho family. Only two.

I want you to hear this. I want you to remember this until the day you die. Only two. Every other couple that I know of who started young ended up splitting up, many in very fugly terms.

Just because someone tells you that you have the maturity of a 21 year old man doesn't mean much. I'm 38 now, and I started working for a living at age 12 (literaly, for a living), and I can assure you that I wasn't mature when I was 21.

This is not a diss at you. It is just that based on how we mature, you are not. Maturity comes with age and experience, and in dealing with the blows that life throw at you, working for a living, having to be independent, having to write checks month after month for rent, food, gas, car payments, utilities, etc, etc, etc.

As for your girlfriend, in your own words, why would you want to be serious with a seriotypical 18 freshman college girl? And why would she want to be serious with you, or with any man at her age?

So think about that. Now, let's look at this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by tankdude

I guess i tend to look at it from time to time that eventually I will get married and be with someone for the rest of my life, never getting the true opportunity to be young and flirty.

Why would that be? As a matter of fact, why looking at marriage and single life like that to begin with? This is a serious red flag that tells you you are not ready for anything serious right now.

If you are going to get married young, it is because you no longer care for being flirty. If you care for it, then don't mess with your life and the life of your significant other.

Also, being young is a matter of how you feel. I'm 38, and except when I feel my knees hurting, I'm always young, younger that most guys 10 years younger than me. Youth is what you make of it.

My suggestion for you and your girlfriend is to live your lives as single people, enjoy it. And by enjoying life, I don't mean to fuck around. Of course, sexuality and dating are important, but that's not how one should define his single life.

Use your single life not only to date, but to educate yourself, create a career, travel and explore and do the things that you may not be able to do at an older age. Dating and sex are just factors in single life.

Living life to the fullest is not about just having fun and dating, but growing up and collecting a life of experiences. Then, you will be in a far better position to find the great woman of your life AND in being the great man for her.

To make it short: you are young, you are not mature, you are not ready to have a serious relationship, and even if you have one, I can guarantee you that you will break up with her or with anyone else (or she will break up with you), and that you will go through other relationships until you are a grown man ready to settle.

Use your young life to prepare yourself to be a grown man suitable for marriage.

**wildstang** · March 26th, 2008, 06:50 PM

also during the teenage faze of life, practice safe sex!!!!!! biggest mistake teens make!

**theatrain** · March 26th, 2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildstang

also during the teenage faze of life, practice safe sex!!!!!! biggest mistake teens make!

Yep, some girls got more to offer than cooties these days.

kinky · March 26th, 2008, 11:17 PM

I think its a bad idea...only cuz I got hurt when I was a teen...

need more time to explore the field

sexy69 · March 31st, 2008, 11:14 AM

There are two sides to this. Experiancing love at an early age is very dangerous for ones self esteem. Usually when your heart gets broken at an ealry age it's eay to get stuck in a rut and find it hard to to get in a serious relationship again. At the same time it teaches you about love and how much love hurts and demands respect. it also teaches you that being in love is a lot of work and needs time and attention.

Also being in a long term relationship during the prime time of your life may not be such a good idea. your young you need to experiance different things in life and travel. Plus if you stay in long term relationships during your prime years (21 - 27) there is a chance you may settle down sooner and regret it later because you did not experiance life and resent the person you are with at that time.

"its gettin to the point where out maturity differences is starting to come into effect. I am told i have the maturity of a 21 year old at age 18, and she is the seriotypical 18 freshman college girl"

What's wrong with being your age? just becasue you are more mature does not mean she has too! She is be herself and enjoying life... I suggest you do the same thing.

Good luck!

usmckang · May 7th, 2008, 01:39 AM

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**Carnitas** · May 7th, 2008, 01:57 AM

Get out while you can!!!!!! Go out and mingle a bit, enjoy college, especially if you live on campus.

SUPREME · July 9th, 2008, 10:58 AM

hmm...my squeeze is 5 years older than me...I'm 24. It works, so age is of no consequence.