decoding what a female says

[napoleon]

Ok so this kinda involves the girl I started a past thread about, now for the most part I tried moving on and wasnt doing too bad. The problem is she wont let me go away.

I ended up writing this girl a letter about how I feel on everything. I didnt really get a response from her, talked to her on the phone about it but didnt feel she was really wanting to go anywhere with it. So I said fine, Im done, I started looking around and met a few girls and have had a great time with this one. Well this girl posted a picture of us in a myspace comment( i know myspace is gradeschool), but anyways after a few days I decide to check out my old girls page and see stuff like 'smitten' as her mood comment and 'im absolutely loving my life' kinda comments. Well this really hurt me and seeing her new man was #1 on her top 8 friends, me being 4, I ended up taking her off my top friends and moving her out of the way so when I log in I dont see her page and want to check it and get depressed. Well a few days later I check her page and see she bumped me totally. So I wrote her an email explaining my actions and not to take it personally but I cant look at pictures of her now and I need to chill out seeing and talking to her for a while because this really hurts my situation. well the next day she asks me out for drinks. I was in a good mood that day and say why not, well we hung out for a bit and I felt lousey the whole time. The next day she text messages me and said she had a good time with me. I told her I felt like crap.

So I tried to not talk to her or look at pictures of her to keep her out of my mind. I ended up talking to a friend of hers and she was telling me how my old girl is saying this guy is 'the one' and how he is all great and awesome and how she is super happy. Once again I am hurt but keep the talk to a minimum with her.

Well the last few weeks she emails me out of the blue one time sending me a text picture of a place I took her one evening downtown and saying how much fun she had that day and whatnot I responded to that email saying everywhere we went we always had fun and that was the end of it, then about a week ago I get another text saying that she hopes I am enjoying this great weather. I said yea and Im trying to get out of work early so I can take my motorcycle for a ride. Well she invites herself saying she would love to go for a ride. I tell her I might be going out around 3, she never responds. 6pm comes around and she calls asking why I didnt call her, then she tells me she cant go later in the evening because she made "plans" Like I dont know what those are.

She told me from the beginning that she wants me in her life and would love to still hang out with me and my friends no matter what. Well Im not having that, she isnt going to milk me for fun then run off to this guys bed.

This guy has nothing on me, in all honesty, he use to be in band in highschool and is pretty good with the guitar aside from that he is a history teacher and a soccer fanatic. She is a total priss and I know doesnt care for sports and this guy is infatuated with them.

The other thing that is confusing the hell out of me is that these two were 'together' twice prior to me, and she said they drifted apart, but were/are friends for over 4 years. How do you go out with someone, part ways 2 times, get back together again and THEN realize this guy is perfect and 'the one'

And info or insight would be greatly appreciated, as soon as I think im over her she calls or texts me and then I start thinking about her again.Ive told her 2 times, in a nice way to chill out talking and calling me because it hurts and she doesnt listen. I dont want to be rude because I still would like to keep in touch with her, but for now its super hard to try and do that and maintain my self esteem and overall mental well being.

From evidence gathered by friends this guy is super jealous of me and doesnt like the idea of me hanging out with her. So im half tempted to start calling and texting her and see how pissed I can get this guy at me but I dont want to start talking to her and while trying to make him pissed at me make myself depressed. I asked her a day ago if she wanted to go out on the bike because its awesome out, I didnt get a response this time. Did this guy put a stop to me, I wonder how long she is going to follow through and why is she letting this guy control her already, signs to come? I hope she sees it and isnt still smitten.

I know its stupid highschool drama but Im new to this dating scene and I knew girls were crazy but this is getting out of hand.

Thanks in advance.

[justaguy87337]

yes high school drama.

She has you wrapped around her finger. She needs to keep you interested in case the other guy leaves her. Like most girls she wants to be wanted by you, and she will string you along as long as you let her. Putting you against the new guy is her way of seeing how much you both care about her. Crazy stuff. I'd get away and stay away.....

[wildstang]

not worth the trouble. walk away.

[inthecircle]

Time for you to jump on justaguy''s motorcycle and get as far awhile from her as possible....

[pliny_2001]

(Due to subject matter, the relationship&sex forum has wider latitude in discussion and tone)


Tough love time.

Did you go to an all-boys high school? Or were you never simply around girls? Because the most shocking thing in this entire story was when you wrote "asks me out for drinks." Until that line, I had assumed that the OP was 15 years old or so. You're being passive-aggressive and PUTTING STOCK IN YOUR TOP 8 ON MYSPACE!!! (not to mention the whole comments thing, which is just embarrassing)

Yes, breakups suck. Yes, seeing your former SO move on before you're able to also sucks. Yes, being aware that you're superior to her current SO in every way, shape, and form sucks. So I'm not going to try to cheer you up, b/c you're in no mood for it. I will tell you to have some freaking pride, and a backbone, though. You'll get over it eventually - time is the only cure. But even if you don't feel strong right now, at least act it. Acknowledging emotions is necessary, but wallowing in misery's just not worth it. So feel depressed, but don't act like a doormat, or do childish myspace games. Because you're better than that.

And just move on (quickly, quietly, and w/o telling your ex).

[napoleon]

yea I know I feel like such a bitch about all this. Yes I did go to an all boys high school and yes my parents were completely insane and their relationship was dreadful, so my exposure to relationships has been limited to say the least, thats why this is so tough for me. I should have been going through this when I was 15 not 27.
On one side I have friends telling me dont let her get away she's too great, and then the rest of the world is saying bail and be done with it.
I hate even mentioning the myspace thing but it is kinda a way to see whats going on without really digging too deep, cant help but think most of it is manufactured for my benefit just to keep me hoping or to make me jealous.
I just have so many questions about the situation particularly the whole breaking up two times thing. I just cant help obsess about stuff like that. There has to be a reason for this stuff.

Thanks again for the responses for my problems, it does mean something to me, its not just in one ear and out the other. I was going along pretty well with moving on after my last post until she started messaging me and calling again, only to make me think there was some glimmer of hope. I just wish there was cut and dry answers to some of the stuff she is doing to me, but then again it is a female, there is no f'ing rhyme or reason to anything. I hate to think she is doing this to be mean because of the stuff she said she felt for me. Possible denial I guess.

[JoeBAR]

Originally Posted by wildstang

not worth the trouble. walk away.

I'd RUN

[JarheadRI]

Dude move on! Like Pliny says get a backbone!

You and her can't be friends. It is like Billy Crystal says in When Harry Met Sally. "Men and women can never be friends because the sex part gets in the way!"

She is messing with you.... tell her to screw!

[sexy69]

Stop responding to her when she e-mails or text's you!!!! it's that simple!!!!!

You responding to her gives her the control. There are so many woman out there and if dating is new to you then stop wasting your time getting hurt with her and go have fun with the others!!!!

[theatrain]

Sometimes not responding to the text may be hard

changing your number might be easier

[torofuerte]

Originally Posted by napoleon

*** a lot of sappy stuff ***

The next day she text messages me and said she had a good time with me.

*** more sappy stuff ***

Dude, sorry but... you need to grow a pair of balls man. Change your number and stop having contact with her. She's keeping you at the end of the leash, just in case she gets bored with whoever she's banging with right now.

Sorry if it sounds crude, but that's the reality. If you want to eat the scraps that fall off the the table, that's fine. Just know that this is what is exactly happening. Make a mental picture of it, and if you are ok with it, keep wondering about what could have/would have/should have.

If the mental offends you enough, then that's good news. You still have your pride. So walk away bro, walk away and don't even give that woman a second of your thoughts.


I'm sure you have heard this before, and I'm sure you'll hear it again. It is worth repeating, tough.

Good luck.

[pamgid]

Napoleon I swear I know u!!! R u sure ur not my room mate? He is dealing with the same shit! I'll just go ahead and echo what the men have been saying...stop making urself available and stop wearing ur heart on ur sleeves and yes grow a pair. ( I say that with all the love I possibly can) Don't let someone who obviously does not appreciate u control u like that dude...if she was that interested in you she would be with you. Stop pretending that you can handle being friends when u know u want more because ur the only one hurting. Please, please don't use that "oh we're trying to be friends" thing as a reason/excuse to see her and know what going on in her life because every time u hear how happy she is with that new guy or hear about that fun weekend away it's just going to kill u....don't do that to urself please....She is obviously happy and out living her life...u should do the same and stop falling back into the same trap....think of it as been there done that and stop looking for reasons to answer the text msgs...the only reason u answer them is because u want her and are holding on to the possibility that maybe just maybe she'll see the error of her ways and realize what an idiot she has been for treating u the way she has. There is someone else that she cares about and ur the fall back guy..sorry Realize that ur more than that, people will treat u the way u allow them to....

[tooncesthecat]

Man, there's really nothing I can add to everything already said. Did I read that post above correct? You're 27? You shouldn't even be near myspace, dude!! Straight advice - you need to figure out a way to mature. A 27 year old shouldn't give a crap what rank they are on a peep to peer site. you need to find WOMEN, not girls, who share interests and ADULT things (and I don't mean just sex!)

[napoleon]

Originally Posted by pamgid

Napoleon I swear I know u!!! R u sure ur not my room mate? He is dealing with the same shit! I'll just go ahead and echo what the men have been saying...stop making urself available and stop wearing ur heart on ur sleeves and yes grow a pair. ( I say that with all the love I possibly can) Don't let someone who obviously does not appreciate u control u like that dude...if she was that interested in you she would be with you. Stop pretending that you can handle being friends when u know u want more because ur the only one hurting. Please, please don't use that "oh we're trying to be friends" thing as a reason/excuse to see her and know what going on in her life because every time u hear how happy she is with that new guy or hear about that fun weekend away it's just going to kill u....don't do that to urself please....She is obviously happy and out living her life...u should do the same and stop falling back into the same trap....think of it as been there done that and stop looking for reasons to answer the text msgs...the only reason u answer them is because u want her and are holding on to the possibility that maybe just maybe she'll see the error of her ways and realize what an idiot she has been for treating u the way she has. There is someone else that she cares about and ur the fall back guy..sorry Realize that ur more than that, people will treat u the way u allow them to....

Ha, well its nice to know and im also sorry to hear that someone else out there is going through this emo hell.

The whole reason she broke up with me was because I kept saying I never wanted kids and she wants them. well I was just being a confrontational prick and I did tell her that I could do it with her but by then it was too late and she moved on. One of the reasons I keep thinking she really does/did love me was that when we talking about her getting pregnant she said she knows im so against kids she would have an abortion if I did get her pregnant. A person who is so adamant about having children can say they would have an abortion because she wouldnt want to put me through something like that just made me think, damn this girl really does love me. Of course my letter was too late and she found a guy that told her what she wanted to hear, and here I am clinging onto that last shred of hope that I might get back with her.

The number got deleted today to stop any temptation to call her and if she calls back Im just going to ignore a number on my cell phone, I dont know her number from memory.

[napoleon]

Originally Posted by tooncesthecat

Man, there's really nothing I can add to everything already said. Did I read that post above correct? You're 27? You shouldn't even be near myspace, dude!! Straight advice - you need to figure out a way to mature. A 27 year old shouldn't give a crap what rank they are on a peep to peer site. you need to find WOMEN, not girls, who share interests and ADULT things (and I don't mean just sex!)

Yea I know the myspace thing sucks, but I kinda keep it around for friends lost over the years, grade school, high school, etc. She actually messaged me on there after 8 years of not seeing her. And I did have some fantastic times with her last summer so its not a total waste, but I agree it is time to grow the hell up.

The first cut is the deepest.

[pliny_2001]

Just keep your chin up. (And don't think about kids and family until you've got some experience - my $.02, anyway)

[wildstang]

man a all boys school! wow! just fricken wow! this is a prime example for needing a public environment of peer to peer exsposure of the opposite sex. you obviously have a good heart that some female will be pleased with in the future, but if the relationship went stale for eight years then out of the blue she contacts you.........theres an hidden motive behind her actions also. its obvious to me after eight years she couldnt have the feelings you have in return. after all no one waits 8 years gives you a call and goes on a few dates and boom out of your life again, more then likely used you as a pawn 2 get someone whos been close 2 her in the past eight years jealous.

[napoleon]

Originally Posted by wildstang

man a all boys school! wow! just fricken wow! this is a prime example for needing a public environment of peer to peer exsposure of the opposite sex. you obviously have a good heart that some female will be pleased with in the future, but if the relationship went stale for eight years then out of the blue she contacts you.........theres an hidden motive behind her actions also. its obvious to me after eight years she couldnt have the feelings you have in return. after all no one waits 8 years gives you a call and goes on a few dates and boom out of your life again, more then likely used you as a pawn 2 get someone whos been close 2 her in the past eight years jealous.

Sorry I didnt explain myself well, we didnt go out 8 years ago, I just knew her from grade school and umm she use to go out with my old friend, someone who I dont talk to anymore. I never got to see her much when she was going out with my friend cus he was a very jealous person, but when I would see her it was a great time like we've known each other forever kinda time.

Yea the all boys school sucked the life out of me. I really feel it put me back years in the world of relationships and whatnot. Hell this girl was my first everything as of last year so that just tells you how much behind the curve ball I am here, I cant help but think this is virginitis talking.

We spent the entire summer together and she just got fed up with me not telling her I loved her or giving her any real direction of our relationship. I told her and mutual friends told her that I just was basically a emotional retard at the time and couldnt really express my feelings. So instead I showed it by taking her places and being with her. By the time I started to come around she already had this guy friend of 4 years picked out as my successor. So yea this is a definite hit my emotional well being.

[Gastankerdriver]

Originally Posted by wildstang

not worth the trouble. walk away.

Wildstang hit the nail on the head. Forget it. There are what, like 150 million women in the United States. I am sure you could find another one. Personally, I liked Yahoo personals. I had so many dates lined up, it was like an assembly line. Fat ones, short ones, young ones, old ones, missing teeth, red hair, cute, ugly, nice bodies. I dated everything I could get my hands on. I would give that same advice to you and after you have dated about a hundred of them, you will have women throwing themselves at you because they sense how much you love women!!!

[pamgid]

Originally Posted by napoleon

The whole reason she broke up with me was because I kept saying I never wanted kids and she wants them. well I was just being a confrontational prick and I did tell her that I could do it with her but by then it was too late and she moved on. One of the reasons I keep thinking she really does/did love me was that when we talking about her getting pregnant she said she knows im so against kids she would have an abortion if I did get her pregnant. A person who is so adamant about having children can say they would have an abortion because she wouldnt want to put me through something like that just made me think, damn this girl really does love me. Of course my letter was too late and she found a guy that told her what she wanted to hear, and here I am clinging onto that last shred of hope that I might get back with her.

IF she did go ahead and did that "for you" she would eventually end up resenting you especially if she is adamant about having kids....the decision to have (or not) kids in a relationship is something that both of you have to see eye to eye on and not just agree because the other wants (or doesn't want) If not, there is the risk that if you do have kids, the one that didn't really want them would probably feel "tied down" or pressured and if there weren't kids the other would feel unfulfilled. IMHO

PS: won't even get into how the poor kid would deal with a parent that didn't want children....