In the middle of an open relationship?

mondobrown83 · May 20th, 2008, 11:01 PM

This is my first post, I normally don't discuss issues like this but I need some advice.

Oh and this isn't meant to be a sex story but I may have to give a few details.

I work at a reasonably small firm which has a much larger parent company. I'm relatively high up in the firm and see some potential in being promoted into the parent company in the future. This background to the issue is the main reason I do not want to leave my job.

I report to the director of the firm, as does the director's wife. They are an attractive couple, mid 30's. She is in fantastic shape, gorgeous smile, big implanted breasts and a very tight body.

She has always been the flirty type and I guess from the moment we met there has been flirting, and she has often caught me wide-mouthed and staring at her figure (i'm male right?)

Over recent times the flirting became excessive though. She would come into my office and give me back massages without asking, sit on my desk right next to me in a tiny skirt showing up to her panties (sometimes letting me know she only had a thong or even less on underneath) and acting incredibly raunchy.

Anyway I tried to ignore these things which led to her sending me dirty emails about having sex and when I went to confront her about it when her husband was out of the office, she closed the door and started fondling my downstairs! As much of a temptation as it was I had to get out of there so I left and over the next 2 days ensured that I was only at the office while her husband was there while I figured out what to do.

Her husband (the director) called me into his office as often happened to talk about business matters, however he told me he had noticed the relationship between myself and his wife appeared to be more than just business related! I was terrified and about to blurt out that it was her doing and I was innocent when he told me he and his wife had an open relationship to some degree, that they occasionally slept with other people and they would both like me to be involved in the relationship.

Naturally I was stunned, a married man asking me to sleep with his gorgeous wife. I told him I couldn't give them an answer now and please give me some time. Normally getting involved with any co-worker is a bad idea, especially a married one, and if I get involved and things go sour it could hurt my career. But also insulting them and saying no could also hurt my career, keeping very close to this couple could give me a much better shot in our parent company, in which the director holds significant sway. And the added advantage of sleeping with a very attractive woman.

I haven't give them an answer yet, but will need to soon.

Your thoughts?

**wildstang** · May 21st, 2008, 12:13 AM

this is some kinky shit!...lol what about HIV, herpes, etc. just some possabilitys. lets just say when ever someone plays with fire they get burned usually if not carefull or precautions taken. the way i see it going down if it does the intelligent way would to talk this over better with the boss and express your concerns putting them out on the table. even possably tapeing the conversation, for future insurance issues. your call guy.

**ItalianStallion** · May 21st, 2008, 04:11 AM

well first off u need to give us a picture of the woman to better assess the situation..haha jk newb request!....if this was a game id tell u to go have fun with his wife wit no strings attached..but this is real life man...their will be consequences im sure u thought of...lets look at sum case scenarios .. u screw around with his wife...one nite bing bang boom...now say she wants more n u r thinkin twice she tells husband n u in trouble for upsettin his wife...or u want more with wife she doesnt want nething more she tells husband again ur in trouble...what if u decline..husband(boss) now disapointed with u..therefore lack of promotion....what u need to do is look at the big picture..what do u want more...to fool around wit a beautiful woman( i kno its tough to turn this down) or do u want ur job promotion..if i was in ur shoes i would feel hi spirited n like a big shot because this beautiful woman is interested in u...this means ur doin sumtin right if a woman of this statute is attracted to u...(meaning more women must be feelin same way just not shoving it down ur throat like others) but u have so much to lose if this sumhow turns out bad.ie she gets too attached, u get too attached,boss gets jealous, other people find out ur sleepin wit bosses wife..now ur image goes sour because ur the guy messin around wit married woman...also what r the consequences if u get caught by other people in work area...ie his bosses...as much as we all love attention from beautiful women it doesnt sound like the reward is worth the risk..do u honestly feel like this could be a long term thing or just a fling...now imagine if shes all over u, and in an open relationship, their might be more of "u" in other places..good luck man

Wacker · May 21st, 2008, 12:16 PM

Huge mistake if you partake. Don't do it! Nothing good in the long run can come from this.

Explain to your boss your concerns, and even though you would love to partake, your best judgment tells you not to. Your boss will have to understand. Besides, isn't your own self-respect the main issue in everything you do, and in this situation - and not their respect for you?

Additionally, I like the advice earlier that you have on you a tape recorder and record the conversation so that if there is any retaliation against you then you can protect yourself.

dannymax · May 21st, 2008, 01:16 PM

Don't listen to the two guys that posted - this is what I say you do. Bang the shit out of her, keep her coming back for more... sooner of later she'll get attached. Tell her that ur falling head over heals for her and that you want her all to yourself. She will agree. Have her divorce her husband and take all of his money. You make the airplane arrangements for the two of you to go south of the boarder and you two live happily ever after!

Ok, now back to reality. ItalianStallion had great advice. "The price isn't worth the risk" As men we are faced daily with temptation, the key is self control and prioritizing your goals. If I were in your situation I would keep it to innocent flirting. AFTER you get your promotion and you're at the position you want to be at THEN perhaps take the innocent relationship up a notch.

As a matter a fact, that would be an AWESOME excuse to tell your boss why you can't adjoin in the relationship. It should go a little something like this "Well sir, as much as I am honored and tempted to be apart of your guys relationship, I have am very much involved with my carrier here at the firm and would like my focuses to be mainly on that. I feel that where I am at right now, my main goal is to get my promotion, and I cannot afford to have any distractions in my life at this present time." I think not only would he admire that, but might even increase your chances of getting that promotion! Because I mean, lets be real... NO man wants to know that his WIFE is getting slammed by some other guy. Its just human nature as men. He is probably just some pansey bitch, and his wife wears the pants in the relationship and what ever she tells him to do, he does. But by being honest with him I think he'll highly admire your character thus keeping you in mind for that next promotion opportunity.

Good luck,
Danny.

**chuckg** · May 21st, 2008, 01:49 PM

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought I'd be writing to you ........

Anyway, if this is really on the level then be careful with all of this. Sure, the whole idea of it might sound intriguing now but afterwards you may come to regret it. Remember, once you start down a path you cannot go back ..... ever. There are lots of couples who are experimenting these days and obviously they're one of these couples. But you work with them, day in and day out.

My own personal opinion, for what it's worth, is don't do it .... try to record a conversation with at least one of them about it ..... and get yourself a director's position! Seriously, that isn't a very professional thing for them to do at the office.

**A1food4U** · May 21st, 2008, 02:11 PM

Let's see..
1) you do it, your really good, he gets jealous and cans your ass
2) you do it, your lousy, she's mad, he cans your ass
3) you do it, it's so so, he wants to keep their secret, he cans your ass
4) you do it, it's great, he doesn't promote you to keep you as a toy for his wife, you speak up, he cans your ass
5) you don't do it, he's mad but can't can your ass without information comming out as to why

choose # 5 promotions are no guarantee with or without this kind of B.S. but at least he can't just CAN YOUR ASS!!!

**wil** · May 21st, 2008, 06:00 PM

Stay as far away from those 2 as you possibly can without it jeapordizing your job. And in the meantime, look for another job.

Just my 2 cents.

**SAINT_X** · May 21st, 2008, 06:11 PM

...Wil.

You will regret it...no doubt. And besides...there is a moral issue...

**wildstang** · May 21st, 2008, 07:27 PM

lol, hell you may even be able to pull off an promotion to do it with them....lol but on a more serious note..... whatever your decision may be just cover your own ass as much as you can. this is a very tough scenario to be in.
are you single? if you are and follow through with this, wich can be quite enticing if single and no misses to worry about. me personally id tape the whole conversation as insurance in case things went sour and as politicians call it, having an ace in the hole or a get out jail free card.

SUPREME · May 21st, 2008, 08:36 PM

If I were you, I would start putting my resume in order. This could totally backfire if you don't "perform" to her standards. This just looks like a set-up to me for company downsizing. Watch your back.

**tooncesthecat** · May 21st, 2008, 11:24 PM

Absolutely agree with what everyone else has said. No good can come from this. Disease, moral corruptness, getting into some f'd up situation with your boss that you can't possibly get out of without losing your job (which you need to do on your own ASAP!) or getting the guy to a point where he hires a hit on you for some emotionally unstable reason!

**torofuerte** · May 22nd, 2008, 08:43 AM

Don't do it. Unless it somehow leads to a healthy relationship, sex at work is always bad.

Your career should not be compromised if you say no. If you care for your career, be a man and simply decline with courtesy. You can say that you don't feel comfortable with the invitation, but that you appreciate they trusting you. And leave it at that.

They are swingers so they know about respecting a "no" (at least they should.) Under other circumstances (say, you do not work for them), I'd say go for it (with eyes wide open.)

This also leads me to question their judgement a bit. They shouldn't be doing this with one of their workers. If they wanted a new partner, they should go to a club or something, rather than putting you, one of their employees, in a situation when you have to say "yes" or "no" on such a delicate, intimate manner.

They thought about their sexual cravings, but they certainly didn't think of you and the employer-employee relationship they are supposed to nurture and protect.

There is nothing wrong with sexual inclinations so long as they don't cross some boundaries in certain ways. If they really wanted you to be in, they could have approached it in a much different way rather than her foddling you AT WORK and WITHOUT TELLING YOU FIRST THAT I'D BE OK WITH HER HUSBAND (scaring the shit out of you in the process.)

They were not that considerate with you to begin with. This almost constitutes sexual harassment if you ask me.

ps... but you were caught looking at her, so one wonders if you gave them the wrong signals to begin with.

Yes, you are a male, but no, you are not an animal unable to control your impulses. We gotta work professionally. I've been in situations when I've been in front of a gorgeous married/taken woman, at work, and I do my best not to look, or at least be discrete.

Work is sacred. Treat it as such.

**A1food4U** · May 22nd, 2008, 10:27 AM

[quote=torofuerte;686627] manner.

ps... but you were caught looking at her, so one wonders if you gave them the wrong signals to begin with.

Now there is a bit of clarity that i glossed over....

mondobrown83 · May 25th, 2008, 09:02 PM

Thanks for all the sensible feedback people, I really appreciate it.

Yes wildstang I am single, wouldn't even consider it if I wasn't, and I've been invited into this situation so it isn't a moral issue for me, maybe for some other people who have replied in this forum which is understandable, but personally that isn't part of the problem for me.

I appreciate torofuerte's comments too, I probably have been indirectly sending the wrong signals, though I have also done my best to be discrete, though some women are able to pick up on these signals easier than others.

I think the most sensible thing to do is decline the offer and ask them to respect my wishes of keeping my work and personal life separated, I'll let you all know how it goes...

**Carnitas** · May 25th, 2008, 10:38 PM

Damn, I commend you on your wilpower in holding yourself from pursuing this. If I were in your position, I would do it, cause I basically think with my penis. But in the long run, it most likely won't work out for you. Its tough, but if you can make that decision, stick with it.

J-RoC · June 5th, 2008, 09:35 PM

On a personal level I wouldnt do it.

If your concerned and they are actually open then lay your thoughts on the table and they shouldnt have a problem with it. If they do then you obviously know your awnser.

Business before play in the real world man; especially when its witht he bosses wife.

mondobrown83 · June 11th, 2008, 08:25 PM

Well guys,

It seems I'm not as strong willed as I thought when it comes to hot women. I let them both know how I wanted to keep my business and personal lives separate, and they were fine with that. But I must have kept sending the wrong signals because the flirting continued.

One friday night some of us from the office went back to a local bar for a few drinks. I ended up having more than I intended and soon realised the boss, his wife and myself were the only ones left and I couldn't drive home, so they offered to share a cab and sleep at their place. Everything told me not to but I gave in to my desires and went back there, and with encouragement from my boss ended up sleeping with his wife.

Well I expected everything to be uncomfortable after that BUT things have been great. I go over there all the time for dinner and to watch a game with my boss, we've become better friends, and the sex is great. They have really welcomed me into the relationship.

I know that 99% of the time this situation would not work well but I'm really enjoying myself and I'm pretty sure they both are too, they say it's bred new life into their marriage. I've made it completely clear to both of them that if either of them stops enjoying what is happening then I will stop this and be back to business as usual, and I'm completely expendable in this situation.

I just hope his wife and myself don't develop other feelings for each other besides physical attraction and friendship.

**A1food4U** · June 11th, 2008, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mondobrown83

I just hope his wife and myself don't develop other feelings for each other besides physical attraction and friendship.

There in lies the rub, Mondo. Sure, it's just like the first month with a new girl. the exploration is exciting, the freshness, the attraction. For all your sakes I hope the ending is as mutually agreeable as the begining, but tabloids, t.v. courtrooms and the paper are full of stories to the contrary. Good luck, I hope I don't see you on Springer.....

**joey9** · June 12th, 2008, 01:52 AM

I think this can work but it takes a huge amount of maturity from all parties, not to mention clarity, honesty and trust, and lack of games / manipulation. And an unusually open and trusting relationship between husband and wife.

I think it's natural to develop feelings for someone that you have sex with. But yes, this will work best if you never have the same level of intimacy and connection with the wife that the husband has.

What you three are playing with here is the ability to enjoy something without attachment. If you can do it, I'm not surprised if it has good results for everyone.

Anyway, I'd say that honesty (especially with yourself) and always being on good terms with the husband are key to riding this wave. Also remember that it's primarily the husband and wife's trusting relationship that makes the situation possible.

I've heard about this kind of thing working before, but only when the husband and wife have a really strong and trusting relationship.