Getting dick teased at work, what do i do?

[DaveBB]

Here is the situation.

I work with a 22 yr old girl who constantly flirts with me, every chance she gets she has her arms around me giving me hugs or squeezing my ass in a really flirty manner. There is tons of sexual inuendo(sp?) that goes on between us and she always seems enthusiastic about the 2 of us sleeping together whenever it's brought up (usually it comes up in a joking manner but she seems happy when it is mentioned) I'm very attracted to her and would love to date her but she has a BOYFRIEND that she apparently loves. I asked her how her and her boyfriend were doing and she told me they are looking to get a house together. I was sort of confused because she flirts with me like she wants me to date/sleep with her.

Do you think she is just flirting with me for attention and self validation or do you think she really likes me? What should i do/say about her always flirting with me like she wants to hook up but never making the effort to get together outside of work?

[torofuerte]

She has a boyfriend and she's looking to get a house together... and yet she grabs your ass and jokes semi-seriously about sleeping with you.

She does this while at work, where one should (ideally) maintain some sort of work ethics.

Ergo, she's a whore.

You'd be crazy to date her. Play with her if you want, but only after she dumps his clueless boyfriend. Why? Because she is a whore. Unless her b/f knows about this and is ok with it (who knows, maybe they are an "open" couple), then she's a cheating, disrespectful slime.

A woman or man with integrity would not do that in the first place. She would dump her boyfriend if the situation were so bad before starting flirting around. You want to date women with that type of ethic, unless you know from the start that it will be a fling with no emotional consequences whatsoever.

Now, about you....


You know that she has a boyfriend, you are at work, but instead of putting a stop to this flirting, you let it continue. What worse, you ask her who things are with her boyfriend and considering whether/how to meet outside of work.

Guess what that makes you?

What should i do/say about her always flirting with me like she wants to hook up but never making the effort to get together outside of work?

What should say? This: Excuse me, but you have a boyfriend, and we are at work. This stops here.

Just because life crawled out of the primordial slime almost 4 billion years ago, that does not mean we must not be above slime.

I'm all for open relationships, flings and sexual experimentation, but relationships are relationships, however juvenile and rocky they might be. There are things that must be respected regardless. In the name of Baal, have some standards!

[DaveBB]

Wow good points. I really see what you are saying and i agree. It's really hard to tell a girl that you are super attracted to and pretty much love that you don't want to be physical anymore. But it's something i just have to do. Thanks for the advice.

[wil]

My advice would be to stay as far away from her as possible.

[DaveBB]

Originally Posted by wil

My advice would be to stay as far away from her as possible.

that's sort of easier said than done. We've known each other for about a year and a half now. She originally wanted to go out with me before she met the guy she's with now, but i didn't ask her out then because she was overweight and i wasn't attracted to her on a physical level.

Since then shes lost a good 30 pounds and looks really fine and we have developed a bond as good friends or "kindered spirits" if you will, over the year we've known each other. So i really can't just stay away from her but i think i can break off the whole flirting thing before it gets too far out of control, which it already is for the most part.

[tidalwave]

Originally Posted by DaveBB

Do you think she is just flirting with me for attention and self validation

You're probably pretty accurate there, if not hit the nail on the head. There seems to be such a need for duality among many women: the nice guy who listens is needed, but he's not the guy she sleeps with, or in this case, the guy she flirts with and gets sexual attention from because she's probably not getting enough from her nesting partner at home.

If you at least care about your job, I'd take the advice given above.

[DaveBB]

If any girls could comment on this situation i'd appreciate it. What is the psychology of this from a womans standpoint? Do women who have significant others flirt with guys in the workplace just to feel secure and validated with themselves?

[DaveBB]

Originally Posted by tidalwave

You're probably pretty accurate there, if not hit the nail on the head. There seems to be such a need for duality among many women: the nice guy who listens is needed, but he's not the guy she sleeps with, or in this case, the guy she flirts with and gets sexual attention from because she's probably not getting enough from her nesting partner at home.

If you at least care about your job, I'd take the advice given above.

yeah good point. that was my suspicion for awhile, especially since she doesn't care about meeting out of work in a social atmosphere. oh well time for me to get over it and move on

[wil]

Originally Posted by DaveBB

that's sort of easier said than done. We've known each other for about a year and a half now. She originally wanted to go out with me before she met the guy she's with now, but i didn't ask her out then because she was overweight and i wasn't attracted to her on a physical level.

Since then shes lost a good 30 pounds and looks really fine and we have developed a bond as good friends or "kindered spirits" if you will, over the year we've known each other. So i really can't just stay away from her but i think i can break off the whole flirting thing before it gets too far out of control, which it already is for the most part.

Gotcha... then my next advices (Arnie shout-out, except I am not giving you the wrong advices) would be to be very very careful.

Even iff she breaks up with her boyfriend and says she wants to be with you, consider this... who else is she "flirting" with? If she is hugging, grabbing, and whatever with you while dating some other guy, the odds are pretty good that she'll do the same thing if/when you are her b/f.

[wil]

Originally Posted by DaveBB

If any girls could comment on this situation i'd appreciate it. What is the psychology of this from a womans standpoint? Do women who have significant others flirt with guys in the workplace just to feel secure and validated with themselves?

Friendly flirting is one thing... you described playing grab-ass and a lot of not-so-innocent physical contact. This is beyond what I would classify as flirting.

[gunshowbabe]

First off.. She obviously isn't happy in her relationship or she wouldn't flirt with you at that level- She seems like an attention hungry girl- why would you want to date someone that does that to her man anyway? She seems to still want to be single to me but she is just teasing you with no intentions of it getting serious... otherwise she wouldn't mention her man at all... She just needs to grow up a little in my opinion

[torofuerte]

Originally Posted by wil

Friendly flirting is one thing... you described playing grab-ass and a lot of not-so-innocent physical contact. This is beyond what I would classify as flirting.

Exactly!

[torofuerte]

Originally Posted by DaveBB

Wow good points. I really see what you are saying and i agree. It's really hard to tell a girl that you are super attracted to and pretty much love that you don't want to be physical anymore. But it's something i just have to do. Thanks for the advice.

How could you possibly love someone that you have never met or hang out with outside of the office environment, whom you known to be with someone, and with whom you have never had a date, much less get physical?

Having an erection for someone is not being in love with someone. You are not in love, just horny, and rationalizing with love the difficulty of getting over the physical attraction. That's not love, that's blue balls talking dude.

If you indeed are in love, man, you need to see a shrink. I'm not kidding whem I'm saying this.

Also, we don't do things because they are easy. We do things because they are right, regardless of how hard it is.

I know it is hard. I'm a man, too, and as a man, sometimes I get stupid with a pair of boobs in front of me. But one thing I've learned is that no matter how much you crave some intimacy with someone, sometimes it's just not worth it.

This one woman is just trouble man. With so many women out there, some of them not just fine physically but also emotionally and ethically, this no-good attention-seeking cheater is nothing but trouble. Trust me on this.

If you go with this, you lower yourself to the same level, and if there is something certain in this life, it's karma. Lower yourself to the level of shit, and shit is what you will eventually get when you least expect it.

[DaveBB]

Originally Posted by wil

Friendly flirting is one thing... you described playing grab-ass and a lot of not-so-innocent physical contact. This is beyond what I would classify as flirting.

sorry if i didnt describe it that well in that post but yes it is definatly grab ass. i slap her ass, she slaps mine. She grabs my pecs and always has her hands on my back and arms. Its really grab assy i mean you would think we were about to have sex that night if you saw us at the wrong moment when we are going at it with eachother.

[Weeble29]

Originally Posted by DaveBB

oh well time for me to get over it and move on

I agree buddy. The more time you spend worrying about this girl the more time you waste missing other opportunities. Make it clear to her that you don't want anymore mixed messages sent your way (i.e ass grabbing and sexual conversations) because that will certainly help you move past this. As far as her being a whore and slime I wouldn't take it that far because it sounds like this girl may have been lacking affection because of her weight and isn't quite sure how to handle situations when she knows she's turning a guy on. I wouldn't completely burn this bridge, remain friends but keep your distance and maybe down the road when she matures and provided your both single you can see what happens. Good luck bro.

[DaveBB]

Originally Posted by torofuerte

How could you possibly love someone that you have never met or hang out with outside of the office environment, whom you known to be with someone, and with whom you have never had a date, much less get physical?

Having an erection for someone is not being in love with someone. You are not in love, just horny, and rationalizing with love the difficulty of getting over the physical attraction. That's not love, that's blue balls talking dude.

If you indeed are in love, man, you need to see a shrink. I'm not kidding whem I'm saying this.

Also, we don't do things because they are easy. We do things because they are right, regardless of how hard it is.

I know it is hard. I'm a man, too, and as a man, sometimes I get stupid with a pair of boobs in front of me. But one thing I've learned is that no matter how much you crave some intimacy with someone, sometimes it's just not worth it.

This one woman is just trouble man. With so many women out there, some of them not just fine physically but also emotionally and ethically, this no-good attention-seeking cheater is nothing but trouble. Trust me on this.

If you go with this, you lower yourself to the same level, and if there is something certain in this life, it's karma. Lower yourself to the level of shit, and shit is what you will eventually get when you least expect it.

yeah i definately got a bad case of the blue balls for this girl. I said love in a previous post because i know her well just by talking with her about our lives, ambitions, etc. Some people you just click with and have a chemistry with. But i definatly see your point about what if she did go out with me, i can't say i would trust her alone with a bunch of guys somewhere without me.

[brucew63]

Originally Posted by DaveBB

oh well time for me to get over it and move on

yes

Originally Posted by DaveBB

sorry if i didnt describe it that well in that post but yes it is definatly grab ass. i slap her ass, she slaps mine. She grabs my pecs and always has her hands on my back and arms. Its really grab assy i mean you would think we were about to have sex that night if you saw us at the wrong moment when we are going at it with eachother.

your boss should fire you both, on the spot. you're too much of a liability for your employer.

Originally Posted by gunshowbabe

She just needs to grow up a little in my opinion

a little or a lot, doesn't matter - just grow up. both of you.

Originally Posted by wil

My advice would be to stay as far away from her as possible.

best advice of all.

[DaveBB]

harsh man

[pliny_2001]

I said love in a previous post because i know her well just by talking with her about our lives, ambitions, etc.

She originally wanted to go out with me before she met the guy she's with now, but i didn't ask her out then because she was overweight and i wasn't attracted to her on a physical level.

God forbid I ever complain about someone being shallow, but you've really got to ratchet up your definition of "love." And don't go out with her. Sleep with her if you want to, ideally in the month before you transfer to another job.

[wildstang]

one thought that keeps coming to mind is she has a boyfriend and is all grab assy with you and she will do the same to you in the long run after your little spark fizzles out!