When is enough...?

**ItalianStallion** · October 27th, 2008, 05:13 AM

OK well i dont have time to write out all the details because its 5am n im tired but i wanted u guys opinions...OK there is this gurl that i am interested in, she is a hostess at the restaurant i valet at n i have known her for about a year now, the last few months we have become more friendly than co workers..ie she asked me to lunch one day because i always bring candy n share wit her so she wanted to reciprocate the favor..ok so to me thats a good sign as to say atleast shes interested..but maybe just as a friend...ok so we have lunch n it goes well, pizza n hang out by her pool for n hour or so before i go to work...ok so next few weeks go by n all is well...we talk at work n have our fun...but recently i thought to myself hey maybe i should invite her out to hang out/ go out to eat or sumtin...but everytime their is an excuse, which is a valid excuse, shes into fashion design school n low on money, so one day its i have to finish wardrobe n other day its i just worked n 8 hr shift n tired..all plausable excuses yet also a nice way of sayin no( i understand this could be the possibility)
ok so the 2 weeks we end up talkin afta work for a few minutes here n there before she goes home...so its slowly gettin more progressive...started out as hello how r u n now its more sit down talk bout how shes lookin for new job/halloween costume, etc again its not like were solving the economic problem but were talkin n shes comin to be for advice n i guess to vent a lil? u kno its not like to tell a stranger ur prblems so i think she might trust me on a friendly basis as of now...ok so ive asked her to go get food/ bowling n she has said she cant now but would like too...maybe another day? so its like im still in the loop but not 1st priority n i get that...she has to finish her shit n shes responsible...so she says no BUT theirs a chance for it another time...
so today i was like ok im gonna switch it up n write a lil note sayin wanna have lunch later check yes or no n than if yes i listed sum options( i kno kinda gay but i was bored n doodled it on napkin) she said she couldnt today but maybe tomorrow but she has class raincheck sorta thing? shes a nice gurl so maybe if shes not interested in that way she will say nice things instead of fuck off n etc....
OK SO now to my question...how long do u keep pursing a gurl until u think its enough? i rly like this girl because of who she is n what she represents n such..its not just like a "phase" or as con would have stated "just wanna have bang her one nite" sorta thing...she seems interested n i dont wanna fall back n ignore her so she comes to me because shes constantly gettin hit on n im afraid if shes sumwat into me but timing is wrong that if i holdback she might not advance when timing is sumhow right?on a side note my friend was in love wit this gurl who he tried to get wit for a good year...she had a boyfriend on n off but neva went wit him, so they stayed friends n when she broke up wit her bf he was number 1 contender if u dont mind me sayin, it was pretty obvious that she liked him but was wit her bf n loyal but when they broke up they hung out n than eventually went out...she eventually broke his heart n went back to bf but thats another story...my point is i guess i would have to wait n see how it plans out or move on? u guys have a lot of answers n i was wonderin wat u think?
personally i think i should withdraw a lil bit but stay in contact...maybe not ask to eat or food everytime i c her but maybe once in awhile invite to a group event..bowling movies etc...it just sux because every time i dont do sumtin i miss out on the time i could be wit her u kno? life is too short to be waiting around, but maybe the one day i do ask her n she says yes it just clicks but if i dont ask that chance will take longer to happen...
wat u guys think?
im askin both sides wil n helpmesock cptobvious n saint..lol toones jimmy? gymgurl? inthecircle theatrain...fitness babes? everyone!?

**ckn** · October 27th, 2008, 06:13 AM

I'd keep it to no more than three asks. On the third time, make sure she has your phone number and let her know that you'll stop asking her after this but you'd really like to get together.

If she is interested, she'll contact you, if she's not interested but is too shy to tell you to go away then she doesn't have to do anything uncomfortable and she can get you to leave her alone. That way, you get a rep as a nice guy who isn't too pushy.

**wil** · October 27th, 2008, 06:33 AM

Well... I'm the guy who spent 4 years of college hearing every excuse imaginable for why a girl "couldn't" go out with me, so I may not be the best person to take advice from. If this were happening to me, my instinct would be to say that she's not interested in me "that way" so I might as well save my breath.

BTW...
Best excuse I ever had dropped on me? I once asked a girl at a party to dance... she told me she played tennis earlier and had blisters on her feet...

BTW part II...
Not long after at the party she was dancing with another dude.

BTW part III...
I then proceeded in getting sh!t-faced.

**wildstang** · October 27th, 2008, 09:30 AM

ask her out again and if she comes up with another excuse you have a few options, either move on or put the time and when in her hands explaining how you like her and wouldnt mind going out sometime and leave it up to her when and were she has the time at her conveinience. if she dosent then you have your answer. also never hurts to keep up the small talk but avoid pestering 4 another date out of the small talk. the more contact you have with her eventually her feelings may grow. some people just need more time.

**wil** · October 27th, 2008, 09:37 AM

You could always use the "Todd Gack approach".

Bet her a dinner that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars.

napoleon · October 27th, 2008, 11:54 AM

From my experince what i would do is if you really like her then put some distance dont seem too interested. Honestly what it sounds like is she's not interested in you in that way. If a girl likes a guy or vice versa they will go out I their way to be with them. If there was a girl I was really into it would take more than a 8 hour work day or tons of homework to stop me from taking up a girl on an invite to dinner

**joey9** · October 27th, 2008, 12:00 PM

I'm no expert on these things, but it sounds like she is either confused, or stringing you along, or both.

Some women just don't have the bravery and the generosity to say something like "thanks, I'm really flattered that you asked me out, but I'm not interested."

If she keeps giving lame excuses and encouraging you to ask her again tomorrow, it might be because being asked out over and over is an ego boost, that allows her to go on feeling confused and indecisive and not changing anything.

I'm not saying what to do about this. But consider this: if you did get together with her, you'd still be dealing with the same dynamic most likely, except in the context of a relationship. Whether you drop it with her, or finally convince her to spend time with you, you're probably going to want to come up with some clarity or rules or something because she's probably not going to be the one generating clarity.

Because women are a lot more beautiful and more interesting than men in a lot of ways, I think back in the old days it was expected that men would bring clarity to a relationship. That's easier said than done though.

**joey9** · October 27th, 2008, 12:25 PM

Probably if we men had our acts together more, the women in the world would be less confused.

I'd say you probably need to drop it with the woman. If you completely lose interest in her, she might suddenly become more interested in you, but maybe not, who knows. By that time you won't be so obsessed about it.

Being alone is hard, it really sucks, but hopefully making difficult decisions gives us some balls and maturity that we can make use of later on.

P.S. Good spelling can be your friend.

**ItalianStallion** · October 27th, 2008, 04:55 PM

just to clarify i do have her number n we exchange txts every now n than...ive been thinkin bout tellin her that i like her n i thnk shes cool n give her the "speech" but i dont wanna do that on the phone/text or while at work, so im hopin that if she does hang out sumtime i'll ask her n be like do i have a chance n what not...
Wil: i have heard the excuse of "i wish i had a boyfriend like u " this was while i was goin on a beer run wit 2 gurls who were pretty but i had not known very well...we talked in 5 min drive n she told me that line, it means i wish i had a bf like u but just not u so im gonna stay wit guys that treat me like crap n r assholes....o well what can u do, i guess u have to go thru different people to truely find the one u best connect wit..

**helpmespock** · October 28th, 2008, 07:39 AM

stallion in my experience girls don't play hard to get. If she really digs you "that way" the first time you asked she would have said yes...unless she had a funeral to go to or something. girls that are playing hard to get are just fucking with you.

It sounds to me that at this time she sees you as a friend, and not a potential mate. there is a silver lining though...Girls are a bit different then guys here. Most guys know the first moment they see a girl whether they would ever consider getting serious(cause we are superficial sex craved fucks and generally imagine having sex only with babes)

girls however, can be different. They can grow to be attracted to someone, and more then likely this someone would be a person they like as a friend.

It seems by the end of your post you knew what you had to do.

If you want to have any hope of ever scoring this one as a serious relationship, you must back off now! One thing that girls almost universally exhibit is they are not sexually attracted to that which seems easily attainable to them. YOU must play hard to get or you can write this one off.

Stay her friend, continue the texts, and other interactions, but drop any attempt at coaxing her into a date or lunch or anything. Give her the sense that YOU see her only as a friend, and that you are quite happy and your social life quite active and full whether she is any part of it or not. If she has any attraction to you physically although it may take several weeks or even months this tactic will draw her to you like one of us is drawn to a bottle of cyp.....

be cool, and you will be just fine.

**pliny_2001** · October 28th, 2008, 03:31 PM

I'd recommend to have quit asking her out a few weeks ago. Still be nice (b.c. you're nice, right?), but that's it.

**theatrain** · October 28th, 2008, 03:52 PM

SO YOU'RE EATING PIZZA AND CANDY, HUH!???

You're on the wrong forums buddy!!!!!!!!!!

Lol! jk! Everyones given you some great advice, take it easy don't trip over it.

**ItalianStallion** · October 28th, 2008, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theatrain

SO YOU'RE EATING PIZZA AND CANDY, HUH!???

You're on the wrong forums buddy!!!!!!!!!!

Lol! jk! Everyones given you some great advice, take it easy don't trip over it.

listen my friend...lol who am i kiddin..im only 5'9 n 144 so i could do it...ya u guys r right im gonna lay off the asking out but continue to be myself...my thing is that i wanna show her im into her n by askin her to go places i can show that im interested n not tryin to be coy or nething...we'll see what happens, im gonna lay it easy n see what happens...thx for the advice guys..rly appreciate it

**lizzyb** · October 28th, 2008, 04:58 PM

Well, I'll give it a go here......as a woman who has played hard to get in my day from time to time...(I would play hard to get if I wasn't sure about the person yet, but not to the extent we're talking about here....nobody got hurt, lol!) anyhoo, I digress.....I agree with the others about laying it on theline to her...that you like her and are interested and all. That you will no longer be asking her out either. Leave the ball in her court, if she's interested in you she'll appreciate the gesture. If not, she'll appreciate the gesture, lol! Don't stop being yourself either though, if you enjoy sharing candy and conversation with her continue the friendship and at least if nothing else you'll still have a friendship. If she's uncertain about you or is perhaps still in another relationship, trying to figure a way out....you are giving her the opportunity to get to know you more.....again, we can never have too many friends....if nothing else.

**johnny_on_the_spot** · October 28th, 2008, 05:47 PM

id say try to get here to go out with you and other people you work with, in a group, she may be more comfortable with that and then work from there.

other than that, if she doesnt want to hang out, than dont push it, if she is really busy and not just making excuses, she will come find you when she is free

**mooshue** · October 28th, 2008, 07:26 PM

well considering its a work environment, anything after the first ask that got the reply of 'no' is sexual harassment in our great day and age. Hell, you can barely look at another woman you work with. Guys are even being pussies now and suing their companies because of a female harassment.
On the other side, i don't mind if women harass me. I live by the saying you cant harass the willing

Dont leave any incriminating text to her phone. Pliny i believe you are also in the legal profession and could back me up on that one

**pliny_2001** · October 28th, 2008, 09:15 PM

The "one free bite at the apple" theory of sexual harassment

So if you're going to go for it, go all out, once.

Harassment requires a pattern, and you can't make a pattern with only one incident.*

*not legal advice, nor should it be construed as such. the statement above is in jest, and actually many states have decided that it's actually wrong. no legal relationship here is formed, pliny is not your lawyer, nor are you his client; ergo there is no lawyer/client relationship.

**ItalianStallion** · October 29th, 2008, 03:39 AM

LOL i rly like how this thread turned into a sexual harrassment suit...im can asure u that its not crossin that line...
ok so an update...today i go into work expectin to c her ...so i walk in i get a hug/kiss on cheek...sumwat a good sign..ok so the nite goes on n ( i work outside n shes inside so i only see her when i go inside for a drink) so time goes by n we end up exchangin words n shit like that...than i gave her sum of my homemade raspberry tea while she gave me sum of her soup she brought from home...at the end of the nite she n other people were puttin up halloween decorations n i ended up stayin n helpin n for sum odd reason( usually this doesnt happen to me) we get paired up n had to put paper bats up..so for a few hours we stayed n worked/hung out...lil flirtin,playful touchin...all good stuff n then after while every one was goin home she mentioned that shes gonna stick around to tidy up if i wanted to hang...SO i see that shes friendly n into me more of a friend that aquantance n maybe it'll take sum time to have her be more into me...i than walked her to her car n she drove me back to mine...SO all in all i think it was a good nite...i rly like her as a person, i think shes a badass..so i wanna be her friend( sure i want mroe) but i think shes a cool enough person to if it wont work out atleast to have as a friend...i'll keep u all posted...thx for all ur advices!

**helpmespock** · October 29th, 2008, 04:28 AM

right on stallion!

**wildstang** · October 29th, 2008, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pliny_2001

The "one free bite at the apple" theory of sexual harassment

So if you're going to go for it, go all out, once.

Harassment requires a pattern, and you can't make a pattern with only one incident.*

*not legal advice, nor should it be construed as such. the statement above is in jest, and actually many states have decided that it's actually wrong. no legal relationship here is formed, pliny is not your lawyer, nor are you his client; ergo there is no lawyer/client relationship.

lol....nice disclaimer 2 cover your ass pliny....lol