Never had a girlfriend, HELP!!

black-steel · October 28th, 2008, 02:45 PM

Hi i'm a 24 year old Male who has never had a girlfriend. Not only have i never had a girlfriend but i have never kissed, had sex or done anything like that with a girl. I feel that its a self confidence issue that has led to this. Some people are just born with the confidence to approach grls with no fear, thats not me. I have tried in the past but i get so nervous that i get seriously bad butterfiles in my stomach. If i ever get lucky enough to get within speaking distance of the girl i like, I literally lose the power of speech. It shouldn't be this hard should it?. I suppose the longer this goes on the harder it will be to ever talk to a girl. Also i have only ever attempted to talk to a girl when i develop a crush on her other wise i don't bother. I don't know what sort of help i am asking for, but any comments would be appreciated. Thanks

**helpmespock** · October 28th, 2008, 04:02 PM

have u tried the online matchmaking services? it would seem possibly easier for someone like you to meet a girl that way. check out some pics and start the chatter online, where you don't have to be a victim of your shyness...if you hit it off and each of you like the photos you share it may be easier to meet in person, having already laid a foundation from your safe comfortable familar soft and cuddly home computer keyboard.......

**RunningMan27** · October 28th, 2008, 04:14 PM

Talking to girls is just talking...it wouldn't hurt to strike up conversations with random girls that help you at the grocery store, clothes store, CD / movie store, etc... You might even find it is really pretty easy after a while.

Think of all the things that interest you. Chances are there are many girls out there with the same interests. If you can talk to a girl like you could any one of your friends, then you might be on to something - either a friend or even more.

**Weeble29** · October 28th, 2008, 04:23 PM

You need to become more comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable in the presence of a girl you like. You will find people on this site that are willing to give you advice, but this is a tough little deamon you're wrestling with here and you have to find a way to overcome it and I don't think this forum is the place for your problem. As for you being 24 don't worry your a puppy, you have plenty of time. There definitley needs to be a change made here though and I think talking to a professional is the first step in this process. I don't know how you feel about seeing a professional for talk therapy or even some pshyc analysis to help overcome this, but I think that can only be a benefit to you at this point. I hope your not offended by what I'm suggesting here because I would say the same thing to my brother/sister/best friend that he or she needs to consider the same course of action. There are also many successful relationships that come from couples that meet through online dating websites. Match.com is the only one I know off the top of my head, but there are so many commercials on tv that advertise for these exact websites. Good luck and remember before you can be comfortable in front of a girl you like you must be comfortable with yourself.

**ItalianStallion** · October 28th, 2008, 04:38 PM

you need to talk to gurls, any of them..just any type of gurl...talk bout random happenings..its all bout practice, everyone needs practice when it comes to gurls...just talk n get friendly n then one day u'll find that its not as hard as it was...

napoleon · October 29th, 2008, 10:53 AM

I hear ya dude. I didnt really get the ball rolling with girls till I was about 28. All i can say is there is no real time line for when you should start experiencing all that stuff. Everyone is different.

My best advice that I wish someone would have told me is quit worrying about it, the more you push it the tougher its going to be to meet someone. You'll know it when the time is right because it will just come to you with little effort. Thats how it was for me. I use to always get nervous around girls especially when it was time to get to business but when I met this one girl it seemed so effortless. granted she ended up dumping me but it was more because we were at different stages in our lives and just didnt match up on all levels. But I learned alot from her and took that experience and carried it onto other girls, and now its tons easier. Just beware of virginitis, its like chicken pocks the later on in life you get it the harder it is to shake it.

Good luck, and remember just chill and be yourself, girls can smell an agenda from a mile away.

thecameraguy99 · October 29th, 2008, 11:34 AM

Don't know if there is any magic formula but I know humans are predisposed to liking people who smile when they approach them, so while there is lots more than can be said, I'd remember you just at least want to smile to more girls and not. And follow it up with a friendly and casual "hey". Whether its in a store, at a restaurant, at a bar or whatever - it often helps break the ice. Practice it at restaurants with your family or friends by smiling and giving a nice hello/greeting to the waitress.

**wildstang** · October 29th, 2008, 01:06 PM

like most said, you just need to strike up random conversations. for instance in the laundry isle you see a nice looking girl and you wanna talk to her ask her her advice on what type of detergent would work better to get a certain stain out or something like that. and once you break the ice just keep the conversation going about small stuff and so. you can pretty much tell if she likes you withen the first few minutes of talking by how comfortable she is with you. next time you see her say hi, have some more small talk and eventually after a few conversations as long as she's single tell her how enjoyable its been talking to her and ask her to dinner or coffee or movie or whatever. you get the picture.
personally i hate the bar scene and wont attempt picking somebody up from there when i was single other then a one night stand! just the wrong quality of woman for me because most women who frequent a bar are always gonna frequent the bar and be exsposed to other males hitting on them and eventually cheat or some sort of disrespectfull behavior that will bug you in the long run. find someone in church or that nature for a meeningfull relationship, someone who has morals other then the typical bar slut!

**JoeBAR** · October 29th, 2008, 01:39 PM

All comes to those who can wait

**ItalianStallion** · October 29th, 2008, 04:41 PM

"if u take ur time, and u stand in line, and u wait ur turn, u'll get urs"

**A1food4U** · October 30th, 2008, 06:46 AM

I believe it was Einstein who developed the formula of dateability;

G= g+t {(e/c )+pa}

Girlfriend= girl + time{ (easy conversation/comfort) + physical attraction}

No really, I'm only half kidding

KMKfan · October 30th, 2008, 08:35 AM

Once you start talking to them, you'll realize they are at least as nervous as you are. They also come equipped with the same body image and confidence issues (no matter how much they play it off) as everyone else.

**goku66** · May 11th, 2009, 06:28 AM

ive never had a girlfriend either and im 27 guess im im ugly

**gYmgIrL** · May 11th, 2009, 07:07 AM

Aww Kakarot, no one that likes DBZ could be ugly. Thats a massively attractive quality dont you think?

black-steel you are so adorable and I had to clasp my hand to my face and go awwwwwwww a hundred times you are SO cute!

I think Weebley hit the nail on the head with the fact that you dont think you're worthy of the ladies you're talking to. As much as modesty is adorable you dont want to go so far that way that it negatively affects your life! I know psychologists are expensive but do you think you could go to one if you knew it was going to help? because it will! theres probably something underlying there that makes you feel like you're not that good a person.

but that's the only problem here, being 24 and never having kissed someone isnt something to be ashamed about! Its just that most people wont talk about it, but I know heaps of men in the same boat, its really really common.

n10city · May 11th, 2009, 04:11 PM

Its interesting how so many things draw people to weightlifting or bodybuilding (not that you may or may not, but this is a fitness forum); personal image issues, competitiveness, narcissism, health, injuries and rehabilitation. For me it began in middle school with image issues (but what middle school child doesn't?) and it just exploded from there because of how easy lifting came to me.

Anyway, one piece of advice would be to know yourself in any situation, weaknesses and strengths. If you're not a conversationalist, as with me, just stick to asking questions and listening. But I would also put yourself in public places and work on that anxiety, and if the attacks are that bad where you can't even coop with them, then that's interfering with your life and see a doc.

Keep in mind that failure will and does happen. Picking up girls isn't baseball, going 1 for 10 is an improvement.

**IMFREAKZILLA** · May 11th, 2009, 05:45 PM

n10city I like your baseball comment,but even the best ball players make an out 7 out of 10 times,most of em,black steel 'your time will come'

black-steel · May 13th, 2009, 04:43 PM

Thanks every one for your comments. There's one thing that doesn't help and thats peer pressure. The people i'm around aren't exactly telling me to get a girl or anything like that but most of the people i know are in relationships. It does affect me as they talk about their other halfs most of the time. I believe that if you want something then you have to go out and get it. But i cannot portray this into the physical sense as i am being held back by something psychological. Its always baffled me that if i were to be succesful with a girl then i would mostly have a positive experience but my mind is holding me back. Why would my mind not want me to go for something thats probably going to be positive. It makes no sense?????

**theatrain** · May 13th, 2009, 08:35 PM

Congratulations!

You should be giving the advice here. . .

They're a pain in the fuckin ass.

**cjx** · May 25th, 2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black-steel

Thanks every one for your comments. There's one thing that doesn't help and thats peer pressure. The people i'm around aren't exactly telling me to get a girl or anything like that but most of the people i know are in relationships. It does affect me as they talk about their other halfs most of the time. I believe that if you want something then you have to go out and get it. But i cannot portray this into the physical sense as i am being held back by something psychological. Its always baffled me that if i were to be succesful with a girl then i would mostly have a positive experience but my mind is holding me back. Why would my mind not want me to go for something thats probably going to be positive. It makes no sense?????

It's normal to have a desire for a romantic relationship. I was similar to you and did not go on my first date until age 23, and when it seems as though you're 'missing out', you can feel isolated. I suggest that you always keep in mind that (a) both sides have to bring something genuine to the table, i.e., starting the relationship and making it work isn't entirely on your shoulders and (b) you are worthy of time and affection. You will meet a good person and have a happy relationship with her, but at the same time, you're not missing out. It's better to wait for a good person than make a poor decision and enter a relationship with someone who will hurt you. It doesn't matter when you have your first relationship, you have to believe that you are a success. Best wishes, friend.

**Insex** · May 28th, 2009, 05:55 AM

Are you deeply religious? Does the thought of getting yourself into a position involving pre-marital sex hold you back? If no (or yes), try these things:

1. Quit being so self-conscious. Lose yourself.

2. Re-think your intentions when approaching a girl. When you want to strike up a conversation with an attractive-looking member of the opposite sex, don't think to yourself that you will be talking to your future girlfriend and/or wife and that you have to impress her during that conversation--like how relationships are portrayed in TV shows and movies. This isn't Hollywood, this is the real world. Just simply think to yourself that you're having a friendly conversation with another human being. You don't get this nervous when talking with other guys at the sports bar, do you? When talking to a girl, ask for the time, talk about sports, talk about the local news, talk about working out, ect. Just talk about stuff that is interesting that will get her to listen to you, but don't say anything that will make her think that you're trying to hook up with her.

3. Desperation is a stinky cologne. Don't be desperate and rush into things. When striking up a conversation, relax, be calm, and just be yourself.