stuck in the friend zone

**theatrain** · January 28th, 2009, 07:33 PM

Once you're in it, r u there forever?

**tooncesthecat** · January 28th, 2009, 07:58 PM

I assume your friend is female? Answer: no. But to make the leap to the "next level" will forever change the existing friendship. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it will change.

Many happy couples started as friends. My wife is my best friend. If you feel like she's more than a friend to you, consider the way you would feel if you lost the friendship. Not saying that you will, but the part I said about moving forward changing the friendship, but you really don't know how it will change the friendship. That's the problem. SO essentially it is a bit of a gamble. Are you feeling lucky?

**pliny_2001** · January 28th, 2009, 08:29 PM

Don't worry - if either of you are attractive, you're both similarly attractive, or you're not on each other's "do not date" lists (i.e., she's dating your friend, is married, whatever) you weren't friends to begin with.

If she put you on the friend list, she's just not that into you (hilarious stand-up routine, but the movie looks like date-night hell) and you'd best move on. If you just kind of know each other, then go for it.

**theatrain** · January 28th, 2009, 09:07 PM

Sometimes I feel lucky sometimes no.

She's a cool ass girl, i used to date her friend. . She has a b.f he treats her very bad, he's a druggie, deals drugs, cheats on her, ignores her for days @ a time.

She's. Always telling me when they break up. . I offer 2 meet her up n talk about it let her know that if she needs nething tell me.

But what makes me feel unlucky is she always trying to hook me up w her friend, and her friend isn't cute at all.. it makes me think she thinks I'm ugly or somethin tryin to hook me up w her ugly friend lol.

**lizzyb** · January 28th, 2009, 09:19 PM

Uh-oh...is this the young lady at the store? Anyways.......if this person you are refering to is a lady, and has literally voiced that she just enjoys your company as a friend, leave it at that. If it is to progress further, it'll have to come from her.....otherwise you'll be lookin' like someone we all CONsider silly (get it?, lol!!) If it's just a 'vibe' you're getting....maybe make a small nudge, I mean small here, like a kiss (mouth closed) or hold her hand....little gestures.

Good luck!

Ooooh! I see, she's attached already! Then I'd say walk away from that idea.....IF she ever gets away from that guy...maybe you gotta chance, but if she's STILL with a guy like that chances are she's not ready for a 'nice' guy.....

**theatrain** · January 28th, 2009, 09:35 PM

No it's not the girl from the store, I saw her today though. I'm not interested in her as anything more than a friend. The girl from the store, that is. .

The reason I asked for advice about the girl from the store is, I thought she was cute and she never answered my call. .I'm new back to being out on the market, so I kind of wanted to know the way these things worked (how long to wait before calling again, etc) I've gotten to know her personality and I just want to remain friend. .

Neither of these girls I'll end up marrying, I just wanted to know if you're really "STUCK" in the friend zone once you're there. .

also, it is annoying when she tries to hook me up with her not-so-pretty friends. I'm not trying to be shallow or anything, but I'm not an ugly guy, infact I'm pretty good looking, I'd say slightly above average looking. . nothing spectacular, but the girl she is trying to set me up with. . definitely not attractive at all and I feel like the biggest jerk, what am I supposed to tell her.. "No, your friend isnt pretty enough for me" I'm not that kind of guy, I'm not an asshole or anything so i dont know how to say it without sounding like one.

Believe me, I'm not losing sleep over any girl. . so don't CONsider me silly. . I just wanted to know, if i have access to older, more mature people, especially women who can give me advice based on past experience, why not find out just to know for future reference.

**ItalianStallion** · January 29th, 2009, 01:45 AM

bro u hittin on 2 women at the same time? nice move friend...i too am no longer puttin all my women in one basket, i think thats the analogy right? well i see it as this, once in the friend zone ur fucked...basically the only way out of friend zone is for gurl to make a move n take u out of there...my advice is to keep her as a friend( stay in zone but look for other gurls) unless shes worth not lookin for other gurls n riskin wastin all that time for her)...but this gurl u speak of i would say to stay away from! why on earth is she wit a guy who doesnt treat her right when ur right there helpin her in her saddend times..do u want a gurl that doesnt appreciate ur bein there when ur not her bf...imagine if u were her bf im sure ud be doin 10x more things to her, while she doesnt see that shes not worth ur time, move on...by her hookin u up wit her friends is her way of sayin ur a great guy n her friend would be lucky to have u, so she does see good in u, i say stay friends, dont be there ALL the time...let things happen, but look elsewhere, she'll let u kno when ur outta the ZONE!

**lizzyb** · January 29th, 2009, 10:27 AM

Lol!! Oh the stories I could tell about my years of dating b4 I met my soul mate.......oh yeah, things to curl up by the fireside with.....well, some of the stories anyways!

I had a friend try to hook me up once on a 'blind date' with a 'friend' of theirs.....I hated blind dates, the thought of......but I am the kind of gal that says hey, don't judge it till you try it once at least. I've also got a good sense of humour about things...and definitely do not take myself too seriously either.....so I said sure, if nothing it'll be good entertainment.......we talked on the phone.....had a great rapport, but once we met in person, the guy wouldn't shut up! And insecure OMG! Then when I was practically blue in the face from listening to him go n and on and on........he proceeded to tell me about a certain sexual favour that he ahd just recieved the day b4, by some girl at the LensCrafters......apparently afterwards, she left and walked home in the pouring rain ( I thought, yeah.....that's how impressed she was with him....wouldn't accept a ride home in the pouring rain) I was appalled that this guy was actually telling ME this on a first date, let alone anytime........I got up went to the ladies room, had a good laugh, came back and said I needed to leave NOW. I always had the good sense to bring my own car, lol!! He walked to my car and asked if he was really that bad....I told him that he could report to Pete and Melanie that I thought he talked WAY too much!
Yup...tried the setup routine, and vowed NEVER again. Nobody knows what/who's best for you but your own damned self!!
Playing the field is great....your young, that's what life's all about......it's like shoe shopping (girlie analogy sorry,lol!)

**A1food4U** · January 29th, 2009, 11:51 AM

Chin Up ATRAIN,

If these girls find good qualities in you that have them wanting a friendship, then another girl may have a different priority list that will put you (because of these same qualities) on the datable list. Friends isn't all bad, It's like walking in a stiff wind, lean into it and push forward.

Good Luck!!!

**mooshue** · January 29th, 2009, 01:54 PM

no such thing as a friend who is a female for a guy. They are chicks you haven't fucked yet, end of story, girls need to realize this and stop leading guys on. Would save a lot of time and heartache.
Girls are probably afraid to tell any dude's they know this because the guy will turn emo and start cutting themselves on the internet or worse.

**theatrain** · January 29th, 2009, 02:40 PM

mooshue, u know how hard i tried to pound that into my ex girlfriends head? also the same to my sister.

guys dont wanna be JUST FRIENDS especially not at my age. . girls and guys are different. .

an extremley handsome guy walks up to 100 women, asks them to have sex. . 100 girls will think hes a fkn perv weirdo and tell him to get away before she calls the cops. .

a DECENT looking girl walks up to 100 men, asks them to have sex. . .more than 50 will say yes.

**wil** · January 29th, 2009, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theatrain

She's a cool ass girl, i used to date her friend. . She has a b.f he treats her very bad, he's a druggie, deals drugs, cheats on her, ignores her for days @ a time.

She's. Always telling me when they break up. .

Sooo... her b.f is an A-hole... and they break up and get back together often?

That right there signals to me to give you this advice... STAY AWAY.

I've seen it often. I was in your shoes more times than I care to describe. If she is the type to stick with a guy who treats her like crap, you don't want anything to do with her because she likes the "bad boys". And unless you intend on becoming a "bad boy", my suggestion is to move on. Find a girl who likes nice guys. And when I say "likes", I mean one who is attracted to nice guys who will treat her with respect (of course, I am assuming you fall in that category

).

**SAINT_X** · January 29th, 2009, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

Sooo... her b.f is an A-hole... and they break up and get back together often?

That right there signals to me to give you this advice... STAY AWAY.

I've seen it often. I was in your shoes more times than I care to describe. If she is the type to stick with a guy who treats her like crap, you don't want anything to do with her because she likes the "bad boys". And unless you intend on becoming a "bad boy", my suggestion is to move on. Find a girl who likes nice guys. And when I say "likes", I mean one who is attracted to nice guys who will treat her with respect (of course, I am assuming you fall in that category

).

You won't get better advice than this Atrain!

**theatrain** · January 29th, 2009, 03:14 PM

im not sweating it, i know

thanks guys

this isnt like a romantic comedy where im secretly in love w the girl who has a shitty b.f haha, i just could just picture her as more than a friend one day

**lizzyb** · January 29th, 2009, 03:55 PM

True that.....but IF you were ever to get with this girl you'll have either waited sooooooo long that you are gonna be in her shoes, and she'll be the nasty OR you'll have long since moved on by the time she gets her shit together enough to be with a nice guy. People in her sort of pattern don't just get out overnight anyways......