Am I in Love?

lostlover · March 5th, 2009, 03:23 PM

Hey guys i am confused about a situation at the moment and hope that your experiences will help me. I'll tell you the story to begin with.

I started a job about 4 years ago. Everything was going great no feelings getting in my way to mess my life up, lol. There is a lot of banter and messing around between my work mates and myself on a daily basis. I began to feel something for one of the girls who worked with me. Even though i was not interested in her when i started the job she kind of grew on me over the years. Every time we worked together we would flirt alot and tease each other. On a couple of occasions when we went for a night out together with friends she would be very "touchy feely" with me and even kissed me on the lips once. She also wanted me to go back to her place to carry on the party. But i kind of shrugged it off because she was very drunk and my feelings for her weren't as strong.

About 2 months ago she moved away suddenly, with no warning. When i found out my stomach sank. It felt like as if someone had died, as if i was grieving. I cant stop thinking about her. I wake up every morning thinking about her. I didn't realise i felt like this for her until she left. Am i in love with her and what should i do?

sexy69 · March 5th, 2009, 03:45 PM

I am not totaly convinced you are in love with her... you defiantly did have feelings... but at the same time you have to remeber these are two different ypes of feelings.

You could be feeling like this becasue the feelings were staring to developed but never had the oppotunity to find out and that's why your like this becasue now you might know what could have been.

Not to make you feel bad... but if she did have feelings for you of any kind she might have let you know before this sudden move... maybe that is why she wanted you to continue the party with here... becasue she found you attractive and at the same time knew she was moving and wanted to have sex with no emotions on her part...

At the end of the day you have two choices get over her... or try to find her to see if what your feeling is really ture... it's your move now and for your sake make it count!

**lizzyb** · March 5th, 2009, 04:03 PM

How sweet

I dunno about love....but maybe you are mourning the loss at ever getting to find out IF a love could have devolped there, kicking yourself for not trying a little harder.

*sighs* reminds me of the film "Serendipity"....Best wishes, hope you find your answers

**pliny_2001** · March 5th, 2009, 04:21 PM

Oh, there's no doubt - you're completely in love with her. But don't worry; this is an easy enough problem to solve.

First of all, you need a boom box/portable stereo. And - ideally - a station wagon and a a grey or tan (think light colors - black and dark browns are way too creepy for this to work) trench coat. Make sure you download Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" to the portable stereo - I think it really is the perfect song for what you're describing. Drive to her new location (assuming you can find out where she is -- if she moved without telling you, finding her new address may be difficult, but there's a significant amount of information on the internet, so I doubt that anyone would consider it an invasion of privacy to be "tracked down" by an ex-coworker they once almost hooked up with while drunk sometime within the last four years).

Assuming that she's home - and, I guess, not engaged or otherwise dating anyone - get out of the car and hold the boom box overhead as it plays Peter Gabriel. It is at this point that your love should be obvious to her. Bonus points if you have one of those "My Name Is" stickers, with "Lloyd Dobler" written on it.

I have never once heard of this failing, and have actually seen it succeeded over even greater odds than what you've presented. Good luck, and great first post!

lostlover · March 5th, 2009, 04:36 PM

I do actually know where she lives because she told me. The move was not planned. I also have her phone number. One thing i forgot to mention. She has a kid.

ptrper · March 5th, 2009, 05:46 PM

Being a single father myself, I can definitely relate to how hard it is to find someone who is willing to live with that. If having a child is an issue with you, then don't get her hopes up in having a meaningful relationship only to break her heart because of the child.

Obviously, if she left you her forwarding information, then much like other folks here have said, the ball is in your court.

**torofuerte** · March 5th, 2009, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostlover

I do actually know where she lives because she told me. The move was not planned. I also have her phone number. One thing i forgot to mention. She has a kid.

So? If this even blips in your concern radar, do the lady a favor and walk in the opposite direction. The fact that you even have to mention that without it having anything to do with the story shows that both of you should not mix. At. All.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostlover

Am i in love with her.

No you are not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostlover

and what should i do?

YouTube - The Godfather - "You can act like a...

Jokes asides, seriously dude. If she is within driving distance and you have your shit together and you like her for real (and she is a keeper), she wants something serious with you, and you are ok with her being a single mom, then go for it.

Or if you just want to bone her, have no feelings for her, and she feels the same, then go for it.

Otherwise, just shrug it and look for another girl.

**joey9** · March 5th, 2009, 09:15 PM

Sure, you're in love.

However, that's not the same thing as loving someone. It's different from being with someone day after day, month after month, and loving them in that circumstance.

Being "in love" is a feeling, not a bad one, but maybe a superficial one. "Loving" is more of a verb, and is very difficult sometimes, because people are complex, life is difficult, etc. etc.

You know, I don't think anyone is perfect on this planet. I think we should be willing to make mistakes, maybe. Go where your passion takes you, maybe, as long as you're willing to be intelligent and learn lessons along the way.

However you might seriously consider the fatherhood issue though before you contact her, so that you at least are clear about whether you want that. If you are clear, you'll be less likely to mislead her, or create KARMA as someone was saying in a different thread, lol.

I know people who've had children unexpectedly, and it wasn't always a bad thing. So hey. But in many cases it did change their lives way, way more than they thought it would. I can't comment on that myself as I don't have any children.

**TSF21** · March 16th, 2009, 01:04 PM

on this subject all I can say is don't do what I did which is wait two years than finaly tell her how you feel.

lostlover · March 22nd, 2009, 10:26 AM

There are alot of conflicting and confusing feelings getting thrown around in my situation. I would like to have some sort of a relationship with her but there's a part of me thats holding back for some reason, maybe because i've never had a girlfriend and there is some fear of the unknown taking over?. Also when i'm around her the feelings i have for her seem to disappear, which makes me think that maybe i don't like her that much. But when i'm not around her the feelings come back stronger than ever. I don't know what the hells going on with that?????

**ProfGumby** · March 22nd, 2009, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostlover

I do actually know where she lives because she told me. The move was not planned. I also have her phone number. One thing i forgot to mention. She has a kid.

Okay, she told you where and how to get hold of her. Does she have to ring your doorbell and lay down spread eagle outside your door to get your attention?

Seriously, have you spoken since she moved? You do have feelings for her and it sounds like she has them for you, and probably stronger. If you feel like your heart sank when she moved, how must she feel, especially of you haven't called her?

I think you owe it to yourself and especially her, to call and get your relationship open again. If it is not love, you two can be friends or part as friends.

Ask yourself this, if you do call her and find out there is someone else, how'd that make you feel?

Call her, see her, figure this out together. And as to her having a kid, so?

lostlover · March 22nd, 2009, 12:25 PM

I have tried to organise "dates" with her but because she has a child she cant always find a babysitter so i haven't yet been able to go out with her.

**theatrain** · March 22nd, 2009, 01:02 PM

take the kid with you guys and go to a park or something. . .

dude, perfect opportunity for her to see youre not like every other guy by inviting her kid on the date with you

**ProfGumby** · March 23rd, 2009, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostlover

I have tried to organise "dates" with her but because she has a child she cant always find a babysitter so i haven't yet been able to go out with her.

IMHO, it is a whole different situation with her being a parent.If you two get along well, you will be an instant parent. And if the kid becomes attached to you it won't be good if you two don't get along and you go away.

You don't have to "go on dates" but you can go over to her place, or she and the kid to yours, or out to lunch at some family friendly place, or to a movie with the kid.

Don't turn down time with her cause you cant go on a date and try and get your freak on right away. 'm not saying your that way, but hope you get the point

Her child is a major part of her life. To be with her, her child will be a major part of yours too. If she gets wind that you won't or don't want to spend time with her with her child, it's misses fisty for you every night....

lostlover · March 23rd, 2009, 08:31 AM

I have been thinking about what everyone has said and about past conversations i've had with this girl. She once said to me that she needs someone to satisfy her sexual desires i.e a f**k buddy. And she even said that i satisfied her sexual desires when she was drunk even though we've never had sex. I think maybe she is after a "no strings" relationship at the moment and wouldn't want someone to become a father to her child. Maybe i'm after a casual relationship but i'm unsure?. If we do end up having a "no strings" relationship i don't know whether our feelings will grow towards each other. I guess you can either sit there and wonder what could happen or actually go and find out for yourself.

**IMFREAKZILLA** · March 23rd, 2009, 10:53 AM

most people don't know what love is?just thought I throw that in there!

**A1food4U** · March 23rd, 2009, 12:48 PM

"I wanna know what love is" Foriegner OOps wrong thread.... HA

sexy69 · March 23rd, 2009, 01:16 PM

Listen lost lover you can think alll you want about what we said in this thread but unltimately the ffinal decsion is yours... you have to decide what you want out of life... and if this is not it how much time do you intend to waste on this until you move on and find some one that wants the same as you?

If you are hoping that being her fck buddy will turn into something else then keep dreaming and move on.

Gastankerdriver · April 9th, 2009, 12:55 AM

It kind of sucks, but I think most of us have gone through a similar thing. I would attribute much of it to "inexperience." You need more experience with dating. One of the things I did, in a similar circumstance, was go out and get some books on dating and women. I was so busy figuring out how to date women that I totally forgot about the woman I had been constantly thinking about. It's also very exciting when you start getting better at dating and meeting women. Make sure you get some good books. At the apex of my dating career, I was dating about four different women every weekend. It was hilarious, like something out of a comedy. I would go into the flower shop and buy two boquets, then come back the next day and buy two more. I always met my dates at Starbucks. My phone would ring constantly. I miss those days. I would recommend that you put in more dating time. There are millions of women out there. I'm sure you will eventually find the right one.

**torofuerte** · April 10th, 2009, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostlover

I have been thinking about what everyone has said and about past conversations i've had with this girl. She once said to me that she needs someone to satisfy her sexual desires i.e a f**k buddy. And she even said that i satisfied her sexual desires when she was drunk even though we've never had sex. I think maybe she is after a "no strings" relationship at the moment and wouldn't want someone to become a father to her child. Maybe i'm after a casual relationship but i'm unsure?. If we do end up having a "no strings" relationship i don't know whether our feelings will grow towards each other. I guess you can either sit there and wonder what could happen or actually go and find out for yourself.

You are being kind of like a weenie and uber-confused about all of this. You don't have what it takes to have a no-strings-attached relationship with this woman (in fact, stop calling her "girl", call her "woman"). You are not a boy, nor she is a girl. Between the lines of your posts, I see you can't make the difference between these.

So my suggestion is to walk the fuck away. Let another dude that knows what he wants to give her some nookie. You aren't ready. You don't know how to de-attach yourself emotionally.