8 year age gap

onerepmax · August 6th, 2009, 02:59 PM

Hi guys, I thought I would ask for your opinions on my situation. Im 24 years old. I saw this girl when i was shopping and thought she looks nice so i'll go and talk to her. We had a pleasing conversation. I got her phone number by the end of the conversation and phoned a few days later to arrange a day out. It all went well. I asked her out for the second time and this is where i found out her age. She is 16. She doens't look 16 at all. I really like this girl and things seem to be going ok at the moment.

I will just say this. In the UK the legal age of consent is 16. I want to take this very slowly and dont plan on having sex with her until we are ready.

I would like to know what your views are on this. Thanks

**A1food4U** · August 6th, 2009, 04:15 PM

There is a big emotional difference in that age span.
With time and a few more relationships you learn alot. Think of your 16 year old self and your maturity.

38 -30 no big deal, 20 -28 harder but still ok. 16 - 24 no way.... But I am the father of two teenage girls, I will admit it probably bias' my opinion...

As a Dad, I wouldn't be happy to have you come to the door to take her out....just sayin

**Option1** · August 6th, 2009, 04:52 PM

I'm not a dad, but still think A1 got it right.

Neil

**lizzyb** · August 6th, 2009, 05:55 PM

Lol!! I'm a mom, does that count too?

Seriously.....there are light years between teens and 20-sumthin's......oh lordy especially teenage girls!! I'd be wary....expect alot of drama, emotional roller coaster rides and alot of intensity and not necessarily the 'good' kind, lol!! As for her age, are you certain she 16 and not younger (since you did say 16 is the legal age and all)? Females are no fools, she was aware you were older right from the get go....don't doubt that for a minute!! If she's insecure, she'll play you just for the attention she's getting from an 'older' man. I'd stay clear of 'relations' till after her birthday, whenever that is.....

My DH and I are 10yrs apart......BUT......we were dating when I was in my 30's and he in his 40's........ALOT of living has already been done and I'd say we are well matched in maturity, heck I'd even say that I am more emotionally mature than he.....don't tell him I said that, lol!!

**tooncesthecat** · August 6th, 2009, 06:02 PM

Agree with what's been said. Stay away...it's not chronological age here, it's maturity that's the problem. As previously stated, the difference between a 40 year old and a 30 year old is negligible. But a 16 year old is a kid (I don't care what the legal age is) and you are not so this is a mismatch from the beginning. Oh, by the way, I bet she might look good but there's no getting around the age thing my friend. Walk away...

**sucher67** · August 6th, 2009, 08:00 PM

While not *illegal*, I think you realise there is something rather distasteful about the whole thing, otherwise you wouldn't have asked about it. The key point: you *do* plan on having sex with her, and I doubt you'll get much applause here when there are no doubt many girls your own age who are more prepared to handle the emotions associated with a physical relationship.

**torofuerte** · August 6th, 2009, 08:18 PM

16? Illegal or not, there is something horrendously icky about this.

**RunningMan27** · August 6th, 2009, 08:37 PM

When I was 23 I dated a girl for a few months who was 19.

While she was cool, good looking, and I enjoyed her company we were in VERY different stages of life with only that 4 year time gap. I was done with college, employed, looking for a house, and knew I was not far off from settling down. She was a freshman in college...

I coach a high school girls varsity soccer team - the girls range from 14 to 17. They think they're old with cell phones and driver's licenses, but they're just kids...they need to be with people their age so they can enjoy all the goofy stuff high school kids enjoy. They then need to be able to enjoy that time after high school with people their age because that's when they figure out what they're really doing in the first place.

On top of all that, I also agree with what others posted above...while it might be legal, it just seems wrong.

Of course, if I was 16 again and a 20+ year old girl asked me on a date I would say yes without any hesitation.

**cujo-1** · August 7th, 2009, 01:03 AM

weres mooshues response? lol

SUPREME · August 7th, 2009, 02:34 AM

You couldn't find someone around the same age as yourself? That should be the question everyone should ask. As soon as you found out she was 16, you should have told her it wasn't a good idea for you two to be involved in any way, shape or form.

onerepmax · August 7th, 2009, 03:11 AM

Hi guys thanks for the replies. I have a friend who is also 24 and is in a relationship with a 17 year old. They met last year when she was 16. They are still going out with each other. He says she is mature for her age. I will have to see how they prgogress in their relationship.
I have thought back to when i was 16 but i personally dont think i've changed that much. I still am a bit of a teenage inside i guess. I'm still childish. I dont have ambitions to get a house or settle down at the moment.
I think what has been said is correct about needing to be around people your own age in and out of school to help develop the correct social and psychological skills. Through my teenage years i never really went out after school so the only time i saw friends was in school. I'm probably the way i am because i was a bit of a recluse????.

**wildstang** · August 7th, 2009, 12:06 PM

me personally being a father would frown on this situation but i am man enough to admit i met my current wife in abouty the same manner. i came home from leave we met she wrote me religiously and we built a foundation together through letters and saw each other when i would come home on leave. sometimes things can work 4 the better over time. i didnt rush nothing with her. i think the duration of 2 years apart and constant letters untill she was 18 untill we finally had sex together made a big difference on us falling in love with each other. if you do persue a relationship dont rush anything! but yes you should actually date someone your own age but i know im kinda sounding like a hypocrite by saying that but thats the mature father aspect of me talking now. just be carefull. and yes we had our ups and downs but we made it through them and are still together to this day.

onerepmax · August 7th, 2009, 12:53 PM

Thanks wildstang for the last comment. I suppose its down to the individuals whether they feel comfortable around each other. After all everyone is different, everyone matures at different rates, some not at all lol. I am definately not one to rush through relationships. This relationship may not work out in the end but you never know whats going to happen in any relationship you start. If we're not meant for each other then thats how it will be but if we are then we are. There are things that are uncertain in life. Things may not turn out how you imagined and you may find things in the most peculiar situations. Thats the fun thing about life. If everything was straight forward it would be boring.

DEALER · August 7th, 2009, 01:10 PM

Quote:

I suppose its down to the individuals whether they feel comfortable around each other

This must be a cultural difference, but I live in Canada, and this would be considered reprehensible. The age of consent is 14 here, but that doesn't make it OK for a grown man to be sniffing around teenage girls.

I wouldn't be caught dead dating a freshman when I was a senior in High School, I don't see how it would be OK to do it as a man.

Dude, they have to be 18 or 19 before you can look at pictures of them naked. Think about it. Date someone your own age, or at least wait till they graduate from grade school.

onerepmax · August 7th, 2009, 02:12 PM

I think i'm going to take a leaf out of mustangs book. I'm going to put the relationship to one side. I've been reading up about people dating 16 year olds and its kind of scared me a bit. I will stay friends with the girl and let her know whats going on. I did feel a bit uneasy about her age when i found out but my mind had conflicting ideas. In a few years when she's older then maybe we can try again. Hopefully we can stay good friends because i like her alot.

**mooshue** · August 7th, 2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cujo-1

weres mooshues response? lol

hahahaha
i'm glad i can still make you all an emotional roller coaster with some religious military sex posts

I personally can't stand girls under probably about 28 or so, and haven't been able to since i was about 20. I find them all utterly annoying and immature.

As for the sex, it's not illegal there, and to quote a rather distastefull old saying, "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed".
It's just sex, she's going to do it with someone anyway if not already.

I personally would stay away for the annoying immature factor.

Fact is, if you fuck her and hurt her, you will damage her psycologically. She, or anyone male or female of that age, are not emotionally ready for most of the worlds consequences. It is a maturity thing.

If you are ok with being viewed by us as a pedo-prick, then go for it, who are we to judge you not knowing you as anything but binary code on a screen of pixels?

Rock36 · August 7th, 2009, 03:01 PM

This is more of a question that you should privately answer to yourself.

Is this 16 year old really, truely, mature for her age or do you just want to believe that she is?

It is almost cliche to say "she/he is really mature for their age" when referring to the 16-22 year you are romantically interested in. However, is it the romantic interest that biases people into merely thinking they are more mature? If so many young adults were really "mature for their age", it would not longer be fair to say "for their age" as most young adults would just be mature....which is not the case.

I'm not expecting an answer or justification to anything I said, as you don't owe it to me. I just want to challenge you to really think about those things.

**IMFREAKZILLA** · August 7th, 2009, 04:11 PM

no.....no questions asked and no reasons

**wildstang** · August 7th, 2009, 10:36 PM

although in my situation there was a 4.5 year age difference

**pliny_2001** · August 8th, 2009, 12:15 AM

I'll add my $.02 (or pence, or whatever) -- you know it's wrong, b/c you're asking. But it's legal, so I won't go around and try to put your head on a pike, though I can't make any guarantees about her father.

I've generally tried to make a rule of dating no more than one developmental stage below me (a high school senior as a college freshman; freshmen (freshwoman, but whatever) as a senior; undergrads when in grad school, etc) - as I got older I just simplified it to a bright line of "over 21." Of course, I've gone out with a 20 year old over the summer, which seems odd on its face, but I've found that it's not bothering either of us, so I'm fine with it.

But this one seems to be bothering you, so there's your answer.