Friggin rant! ~ warning, course language!

[Italianangel]

I am not a super social person, I am around my 73 year old mom and my other half. Well neither are supportive what so ever and actually are more like saboteurs.
My other half does not do it on purpose so much as just being fucking ignorant and immature.........turning 3fucking8 on Sunday. He just argues with every little thing, even things that should be a womens deal............he is a pain and more so now cuz he is home on strike from work, he does not want to be but has no choice. He is like having a child to fucking deal with, which I don't have nor want.

My mom is a senior who is on addictive prescrips and binge drinks..........turning 73 in Sept.................CALGON TAKE ME AWAY, SOMEONE FUCKING TAKE ME AWAY!!!

The only real loves in my life are my dogs. I have a few close friends but close does not mean we hang out daily and some are long distance or online..........but I prefer it that way and am happy being a loner! These people and the likes of some of you on this forum are my reprieve from my hell!
My mom is difficult, selfish and in her own world, she llikes to think she runs the house and such but I am like the lil elf in the back doing all the work....and she does not even see or acknowledge this so on top of it I am told how lowely I am in the picture of things and she is especially abusive when drinking but she has had falls and I have to monitor things but try not to interact with her when she is acting up - drunk or straight. We all live in a 3 level home, with a tenant on the part of hte basement...........the story is really long, I lived in a room up to now because after my dad died in 89 my mom tried to mortgage the house, which was fully paid yrs before my dad died.......... and there was no will and just a lot of bad luck for me........but anyway in the end I finally got my name on this house adn its secure now albeig half to the bank now cuz of her anger that my dad left no will and she did not want me to get any of it and yes she is my real mom...........she loves me but hates me and is jealous of me all in the same instance...........anyway, I don't feel like I really have a mom, she does not know me at all and is so selfish she does all the talking all the time........anyway, it has kept me from trianing and proper diet with the time adn energy and emotion involved and I have missed work and had to work for myself eventually so part of my career was because of my family obligations, I have the ability of time as needed..........she is so high maintenence and so is my guy.............I am just so tired and want to do someting for me, compete but I have no support, they take me from it and he thinks I should retire, calls them gong shows and I cannot blame him but still would be nice for him to have some pride in me.............but he does not even care. Guys always say, your guy must feel so good being with a model or whatever..........but honestly I think its a sore point.........I don't know.
I find it so hard to push on days like today after a weekend like this one.....she got so wasted I had to call the parameds to make sure she had not caused any damage..........meanwhile she is getting mad at me and telling the parameds I am a liar and she is fine.....as if to say she is no drunk.......she denies it not matter what even after a bad fall a few years ago which landed her in the hospital with a huge crack in her head, she fell down stairs.......was drunk and on benzos.........I had told her dr for years yet he kept giving her stuff.......anyway, her blood alc. levels were high and it was a bad enough incident that the geriatric phychiatry got involved but they can only do some much and so after months, she still is not fully the same but drinking again and escalating.........my back is out cuz I have had to lift her.............last time a few months back really botched me up along with the other things I mentioned before but I am just so tired.
My other half is scared of her and does not like to get involved so I am basically on my own for everything it seems. I want to compete so bad in Nov and really wanted to do well, was planning a year out.........but these people keep drawing me into their issues no matter how much I ignore them or try to keep clear of it.............even if you don't get involved you still get the emotions to deal with, I mean I am not steel or rock..............I wish I were very cold bitch, then I could tell them all to fuck off and leave me alone if they are not going to help me.
I get so envious of those gals whos bf go with them to each show, help them prep, help keep them motivated and on track with diet etc, carry their bags at the shows, get involved and are postitive................what do I get, night before show he orders pizza or eats crap around me all the time, he is a lazy ass so he could care less if I train..........he used to be a bodybuilder too.........and I mean I support honesty, tell me if I need work or whatever but day before show to tell me my ass is too flabby still and to work toward it next time???? or saying I am too dark whenI know I am not dark enough........making comments and thinking he is trying to help but waiting until the day before???? Where were you all these months up to now????? I am 3 mths out and feel like where did the year go and why am I not ready and why do I feel so behind.........I guess my mindframe right now is super tested..........I just needed to get this out!
Linda

[angelfaces]

I'd take u away anyday ;-)!

[Italianangel]

Thank you~
Things are quiet on the home front and my training, diet and such are doing well........its been an unusualy even keel for the past week..........very nice.
Linda